The Beauty of a Secret
by Kalianah
Summary: Ben Organa-Solo was much more than a Jedi, consistently struggling to prove his worth outside of the family legacy. When he was denied the honor of becoming a Master Jedi, the Council elected to give him a student to test his resolve - a new arrival, far older than the others. A girl named Rey, from Jakku.
1. Prologue

**The Beauty of a Secret**

 _Once again they broke the Love Laws. That lay down who should be loved. And how. And how much."  
\- Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things_

 _"Ben!"_ He fixed her with a cold stare – she didn't understand why he pulled her here if he was so eager to leave and forget her.

He said nothing in the cold silence, but Rey watched his eyes as they raked over her. She fought the instinct to wrap her arms around her body, but Ben picked up on it and flicked his hand at her in annoyance. Rey felt her body being pushed back against the wall, her hands pinned above her head.

She watched him advance towards her with slight fear - not at what he would do to her, but that her body trembled in desire at the thought of being touched by him. Again.

Ben watched her involuntarily struggle against the hold he had put on her hands, amusement dancing on his lips - she could break it at any time, but instead her instinct was to just press against it deliciously.

"You are not allowed to cover yourself in my presence," he said in his velvet voice that sent shivers down her spine. "You are still wary of this desire that builds inside of you, when you should instead embrace it."

Rey furrowed her brow, "That's not what we're taught, it's not what _you_ taught me." She didn't understand the strange pull they had towards each other that made them flirt with the line in the Jedi Code.

"The Jedi are wrong," he said simply, putting an end to the conversation. He walked towards her, his steps confident, and brushed his hand gently across her cheek, gliding into her hair. She felt her buns come undone, her hair falling around her shoulders. He continued to work in silence as his fingers wrapped around her throat and down her chest, finally resting at her hips; Ben gripped them in his large hand that spanned half of her body and she let out an audible gasp at the pressure.

He closed the space between them, pressing his body against hers, and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I've thought of this every day since you arrived, you haunted my dreams. It only grew worse after…" She felt his body shudder against hers, at the memory, and his nose dragged against the edge of her face, his lips pressing softly against her neck.

Hands that dwarfed hers pressed into her skin, teasing bruised flesh in the morning, pulling her hips against his. He still held her against the wall with the force, her feet dangling in the air so their bodies aligned perfectly; she groaned at being so manipulated - against the voices that whispered opposition to such vulnerability.

Ben's hands moved upwards, pulling her top up her chest and over her arms, letting it fall to the ground. She had never seen him so fixated on something, his breaths coming quicker - in time with hers - eyes roaming her torso. Rey felt her nipples pebbling with arousal, at the hungry look in his eyes as he leaned in to touch them, his tongue took a long lick over one and her hips moved against his in reaction.

A hand reached up to press against her stomach as he took her breast in his mouth; she had always known they were smaller than most, but he didn't seem to mind.

He pulled away briefly, "They're perfect."

She didn't ask how he knew what she was thinking, didn't need to. They didn't speak about it much, but their connection was deeper than physical touches.

Teeth gripped a nipple as Ben's fingers twisted the other and she let out a loud _"Oh!"_ as he pulled it before starting to suck. The noises that filled the room were intoxicating and Rey found herself filling it with her own mewls as her breasts were suckled.

Finally, his fingers hooked into her pants and drew them off, her shoes hitting the ground with them. She felt exposed as he spread her legs apart to look at her bare sex.

Ben looked up into her eyes and the coldness and hunger had been replaced with a desperation that warmed her body even more. "You deserved to be _worshipped,_ Rey."

And he believed it. He watched in fascination as the moisture that had built up between her legs began to spread across the lips and edges of her thighs. Shuddering, his fingers moved across her entrance, moaning her name as he felt the warm liquid. Evidence of her arousal.

He pulled away abruptly and studied her, watching her chest heave with anticipation. "Do you want this?" He asked seriously, disarming her with the rapid shift, her mind hazy with desire.

"What?" Was all she could muster, confused why he would bother asking that when it was clearly evident.

His irritation flickered briefly across his face, but he was still intently looking at her, "Do. You. Want. This." He repeated with emphasis, slowly dragging each word out in case she missed it.

Rey's anger sparked at the question, "I've always wanted you. My dreams are filled with thoughts of you - and Arkanis…" She whispered the last word and it seemed to convince him and she watched him pull towards her again, feeling his resolve and contentment at her answer.

She knew what they did was dangerous - foolish - but as his tongue dragged across her slit, she couldn't find it in herself to care.

* * *

 **Author's note:** This is a story that is for the express purpose of writing smut. If I was capable of writing unconnected one shots I might have just done that, but I am not. I need an actual story - and because it is me, that story will also be a bit angsty at times.

I am working through the kink list that we voted on, ordering the most popular kinks in our fandom. The goal is to get to as many as I can - I won't write some of them, or can't because of the story, but I'll get to most of them.

In the prologue, Rey is 18 and Ben is 28. They start the story as 15 and 25, though, so underage is marked.

I will update the tags and warn before each chapter if there is something especially kinky. Otherwise, just assume there's some type of smut in each one.


	2. a greater punishment

**" _To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."  
― Federico García Lorca_**

The sound of boots echoed throughout the gleaming hallway, their practicableness at odds with the splendor of their surroundings. The person in them moved with purpose, so much so you would never have expected him to be anxious.

But he was. Ben Organa-Solo had trained for years for this moment, to be officially recognized as a Jedi Master. It didn't matter that his bloodline was rooted in heroes and villains, the new Jedi Order didn't care - though his peers had. He grit his teeth at the memory and the few people walking past him shied away from his face, the darkness projecting outward.

He passed his hand across his body and the doors to the antechamber opened.

"Jedi Organa-Solo, we have spoken before about your unnecessary use of the force," Luke Skywalker intoned as a welcome.

Ben turned slowly to meet his Uncle's eyes, "I apologize, Master."

The eyes of the small and budding Jedi Council watched him, but Luke knew what lay underneath his apology. His nephew had always balanced on a precarious precipice, it was this knowledge that had kept him from acquiescing to his and the Jedi Council's request to elevate him to Jedi Master.

"We've convened this council to consider whether you have earned the honor of being a Jedi Master, Ben," he spoke slowly, eyes still on the tall and broad form in front of him. The stance projected ease, his feet spaced shoulder-width, hands resting in front of him, clasped casually.

"I understand; I am ready for your decision."

"You have proven that you have the strength and the determination to become a Master Jedi, but wisdom only comes with time - and you are very young," Jedi Master Jolee spoke candidly - he was more straightforward than the others, who danced around the difficult subjects.

Ben's hands twitched in front of him at the mere mention of a weakness he had no control over, "Are you suggesting I am not wise, Master Jolee? I have proven over the course of my training to have impeccable decision making under pressure."

It was hard to keep the arrogance from creeping in, and he knew they would judge him for it. A Jedi was not individualistic or prideful, but one with the force - and his companions. There was no room for arrogance in the Order.

Luke raised his hand to stop one of the members from speaking, "We are but newly formed, all of us are young in comparison to the old Order, Ben." He took a heavy breath, "But we are concerned about your…lack of control over your emotions."

Anger flared inside of him, but he pushed it down to show no signs that his Uncle's words affected him.

"I don't understand; I've done all that you asked me."

"Indeed you have, however in so doing you have alienated yourself from your peers and more than once lost control during heightened states of emotional distress. We all have moments of weakness, but with you it is a pattern. Your peers fear you, and you seem to prefer that. It is not the Jedi way."

His hands fell to his side and clenched tightly, "I don't understand why I am responsible for how people see me. You overcame your _legacy._ What chance have I had to prove I did not inherit the darker bloodline? They fear me for reasons I cannot control."

The council members sat in silence, considering his words. They exchanged silent looks, until Master Luke stood up and walked towards the eager young Jedi.

"I understand the difficulties our family has both caused and gone through, nephew. But you're not ready. We will wait for a suitable padawan for you, at which time you will take over their training. It is unusual, but with the limited amount of fully trained Jedi we are willing to wave tradition. If you prove to be a caring and compassionate teacher we will deem you worthy, Jedi Organa-Solo."

Ben clenched his teeth, but bowed and excused himself - begrudgingly accepting their judgment.

If his peers heard crashing and the singe of a lightsaber coming to life as they walked by his room afterwards, they said nothing.

Ben Organa-Solo was to be avoided. And everyone knew it.

* * *

Rey stood in front of the soaring building that housed the once-illustrious Jedi Order. She had heard stories - myths, really - on Jakku of how they used to be the peacekeepers and warriors of the Republic. They had fallen for a time, before being resurrected by the great Luke Skywalker after the fall of the Empire.

It had been thirty years and the Order was growing rapidly, new Jedi being trained every year.

She didn't know what she had done to be born with this force-sensitivity, the Jedi had called it. Rey had answered the visitor's questions when she showed up one day in Niima Outpost, much to the chagrin of Unkar Plutt.

He didn't like his scavengers taking days off.

The Jedi had heard of Rey in her investigations on Jakku, of the girl who understood and spoke many different languages that she had no right or possibility of knowing. Rey had always just assumed she had a gift for languages, but according to the Jedi it was a gift of the Force - this understanding.

It had been a simple decision, to leave Jakku behind; she had long ago accepted that her parents would never return. It had been ten years and not a word from them, the wall had been filled with marks for years.

Still, looking up at the building on Coruscant, it was hard not to wonder what she was doing there. She was no one special, just a scavenger who barely had enough to eat as the days passed, fending off unwanted advances. A young teenager seemed a ripe enough target for many of the traders that passed through, but they learned quickly enough that her staff was a weapon to be feared and stayed away.

Gritting her teeth, she followed the Jedi who had brought her here into the building, walking the hallway and marveling at its opulence.

Her head moved around constantly, trying to absorb everything around her.

She saw a tall figure standing to the side, speaking pointedly to a woman, he was in the standard Jedi garb, but he wore it differently than most. Rey idly wondered why and as she was lost in thought, noticed that he had looked at her - his eyes judging and cold. She shivered and looked away, hurrying to catch up with her guide.

She was brought to a small alcove and met with an older man, beard well-trimmed, "Rey. I'm glad you accepted our offer of training."

Rey just nodded, not sure how to approach the man in front of her - his title and history surely demanded respect, but all she saw was the warmth in his eyes. True compassion, the core of any Jedi - or should be.

"I know you're probably only familiar with the Jedi in passing stories, but traditionally training starts very young."

Her feet shifted, uncomfortable with the reality that she was fifteen, and certainly older than many of the students she had seen already.

"I understand, Master Skywalker," she had been briefed on how to address the various stations and members of the Order, and her voice rang with respect and a tinge of awe.

He smiled at her and gestured for her to sit next to him on a bench near a large floor-to-ceiling window overlooking the city of Coruscant. She had very little time to fully absorb the city, but felt that was a good thing; even looking at it briefly had overwhelmed her.

Luke seemed to sense her troubles and spoke, "Since you are much older than most of the padawans here, the council has decided to assign you to one of our oldest Jedi. He has trained for most of his life, and was one of my first students; he is very accomplished, and I think you will work well with him."

"Whatever you think is best," Rey's speech was a bit stilted and cautious; she didn't know if she liked the idea of being chained to one person for her training - what if they didn't work well together? What then? Would she just fail out of the academy? Was that even possible?

Her slew of questions ended when she heard the doors open and boots stalking towards her.

"You called for me, Master Skywalker?" Rey felt the velvet voice wash over her and she blinked rapidly, shaking her head.

The man before her was broad and very tall, with dark hair that fell past his ears; she recognized him as the man from the hallway earlier that had fixed her with a stare that made her shiver for all the wrong reasons.

Luke nodded and waved towards Rey, "This is Rey, she is to be one of our new padawans. We found her on Jakku."

The stranger moved his head towards her, appraising her silently; judging her for her origins. She knew what people thought about Jakku - and they weren't wrong - but she felt anger swelling up that it might be all he thought of her. Just a scavenger from Jakku.

She caught a small smirk flicker across his face, as if he had heard her. "Hello, Rey from Jakku."

He finally spoke in that voice of his, the words perfunctory but not clipped. Luke watched him silently, "Rey, this is Ben Organa-Solo. He will be your teacher."

Ben stiffened and jerked his head to look at his uncle, "What?"

"Han... Solo, the smuggler?" Rey spoke at the same time, just as surprised but for a different reason.

Luke smiled at their shock, "Rey is older and the council felt it would be best if she were placed with a direct teacher - a mentor, if you will." He fixed Ben with a stare, "We spoke of this a year ago, Ben. That this would come. It was only a matter of finding the right student."

To become a Master Jedi was something Ben wanted fervently, to affirm his skill at using the Force and show that he was not just a legacy - that he was worthy of everything he had been given from birth.

"Master Skywalker, I would be honored to accept Rey as my padawan. Please thank the Council for their guidance and decision."

Ben bowed in front of him and turned to Rey, "I look forward to teaching you, Rey of Jakku."

With that, he left.

* * *

It was only her second week of Jedi training and Rey was convinced that what Ben said as he had left their meeting was completely false. His disdain for her rolled off him in waves, and it didn't help that she was struggling to feel her connection to the force.

Ben watched her face as she closed her eyes, scowling at her; he knew it wasn't fair to take out his anger at the council on her, but they were right - he had never been good at controlling his emotions. It also didn't help that Rey's presence in the force drew her to him; Ben had always been powerful - the Jedi found he could do things that they had never heard about - but he had never been able to sense someone's presence before. Unless they were connected.

But he had no connection to this young and untrained scavenger; his scowl lifted, an attempt not to scare her, "Rey, what do you feel?"

"I feel silly, this is-"

"Very important," he interrupted with a quiet murmur, and she stiffened as she realized how close he was to her face. "Do you feel how close I am right now?"

Rey shifted a bit, "Yes."

Ben pulled away, watching how her emotions were written all over her body and face, "You sensed me, but you did not _feel_ me. That is what the force is like. You know it's there, but you cannot touch it. Once you accept that it is there for you to pull from, this will be easier."

She opened her eyes and contemplated what he was saying, and he fixed her with a stare - unmoving. Rey didn't know what to make of her new teacher, except that she expected to be confused a lot. About the teaching or the teacher, she couldn't say.

"Alright," she whispered as she closed her eyes again.

* * *

It had been a month of training and Ben finally allowed her the use of her preferred weapon - her staff. It was unusual that a padawan would already have had weapons training when they arrived at the Academy, but he acknowledged that Rey was no ordinary student.

She was far stronger than he had suspected at first, and knew she would only grow; Ben found himself protective of her, knowing that to be so powerful in something very few people understood could be troubling.

But Rey didn't have the problems he had growing up; it turned out she was great at making friends, and he saw her peers laughing as they roamed the halls and ate meals. What once would have made him bitter instead made him happy. He clenched his fists at the realization - whatever Master Luke had wanted him to learn in order to become a Master, he feared he was learning it.

Rey looked over and her large smile fell a little bit and Ben felt his heart drop; he had accepted that his peers and fellow Jedi feared him, but for his padawan to as well was…surprisingly difficult.

Moving slowly towards him, Rey noticed the tables around them got quieter, "Hello, Master Ben."

"I'm not a master, Rey, only your teacher. You may just call me Ben."

He didn't want to be called by a title he had not earned, and she wondered at that. "Were you going to eat? We have room, if you'd like to join us."

Ben didn't bother looking in the direction she pointed, and instead stared at her earnest face. She was so young, so loved already, he knew that breaking the student-teacher line wasn't a good idea. Even if it was only to eat a meal.

"No, thank you. I was just picking it up, I have to meet with Master Jolee this evening."

Rey just nodded, accepting his excuse; she knew he was lying, even after such a short time she could sense it, feel it - recognize it. But only with him; she didn't know if this was normal, and was scared to bring it up.

Sitting back down at her friends' table, she watched his large form move through the expansive room. Briefly, she wondered if he would ever wear lighter training gear; she shook off the thought quickly, not wanting to focus on the strength of his back and the lines of his arms.

"Hey Rey, how do you deal with him?" Her friend Finn asked curiously.

Rey turned and fixed him with a confused frown, "Deal with who?"

"Ben! He's so…intimidating," Finn shuddered and she saw the others nod in agreement. Rey just shrugged and didn't bother explaining any further. He was certainly not the most congenial person, but he had been a good teacher thus far. And when he thought she couldn't see, she felt the warmth of his smile when she triumphed over a task he had set.

He wasn't what she expected, but his coldness in the beginning had wavered with time. At least with her.

* * *

Ben twirled the training sword as she advanced upon him with her staff; they had been practicing a specific form of fighting for weeks and he was just at the point where he had to start _trying._

He watched her intent face, soft tendrils of her hair escaping the three bun style she had kept since arriving from Jakku. On days when there was a lull in their discussions, he wanted to ask her about the unusual style, but every time he bit it back. It was highly inappropriate to ask personal things about her, he was there to teach her how to be a Jedi; she had friends to be personal with.

The sound of the staff slicing through the air brought him to the present and he ducked quickly; she had almost hit him soundly in the head.

"Careful now, Master, if you get hurt my lessons get put on hold," Rey smiled through her verbal jab and stepped back to engage once again.

Ben shook his head and as he advanced, they locked weapons; he watched her smile drop as she heaved from the strength she used to push against him.

"And here is where your footwork comes in to play," he said, always mindful of the lessons she needed.

Rey barely heard him as she stared at him; every time she tried to push against him or move her staff, he stopped her. She didn't know how to disengage without losing an arm or her staff, but all she could think about was how close he was.

Some of his hair fell across his face and Rey watched it brush his cheek; she realized as he snapped back that she had leaned in so much that their noses were almost touching.

Ben backed away in silence, turning around to return the training sword to the wall, "That will be all for today, Rey. Good work."

Rey moved towards him, but thought better of it; he had never acknowledged the other moments where they had flirted with the line, why would this time be any different?

* * *

Ben felt hands push against his naked body, forcing him backwards onto his large bed; he heard a voice whispering to him, but didn't understand the words.

A lithe form crawled over him, its body tiny compared to his, their arms and legs straddling his body. He moved his hands up their body and brushed over the hidden face. As he did so, her face became clear - and he realized _who_ she was.

Rey.

He groaned and tried to push her off of him, but she locked her legs around his hips and sat back onto his thighs. As she did, he felt her arousal against his skin and grit his teeth.

"Rey, please, you have to stop - go," he whispered with a pained voice. He knew that what drew him to her had worked its charms on her as well, but the Jedi lived by a code greater than carnal passion. She deserved better than that from her teacher.

Rey didn't seem to hear him and instead ran her hands over his chest, up into his hair, gripping it as she leaned down to kiss his lips.

The strength to push her away left him and his large hands wrapped around her body, pulling her against his chest. One hand ran up her back gently and he felt her shiver as their lips moved tentatively against each other.

He had very little experience in kissing since any and all physical forms of affection were not allowed, but they fell into it with only slight hesitation.

"Rey," he whispered against her lips.

She smiled and lifted her head to watch him, leaning back to take his erection gently in her hands, "Do you want me?"

A pained grunt was his only answer, but it seemed to be good enough for her.

Rey pushed down against him once more, moving her lips to his ear, "You've been dreaming about me."

Her hands gripped his erection tighter and his abs clenched, his breath tight, "Yes." He shuddered at the admission, ashamed of himself.

She just smiled and raised her hips, fitting himself against her, sinking slowly down. Rey inched slowly down, feeling her body spread open for him, unused to the intrusion.

Suddenly, she felt more pain than she had expected, a pressure that rejected the intrusion, and she let out a loud yelp of pain.

Ben jolted up in his bed, ripping off the sheets made wet by his sweat; his chest heaving, he swung his legs over, sitting on the edge of the bed.

His erection was painful, the feeling of Rey surrounding him still lingered in his mind. It was so vivid, as if she had actually been there; but he knew it was completely irrational.

She was too young, too innocent to have these thoughts; what did it tell him about himself that he _lusted_ for her? Ben knew he had been drawn to her strength, but now he found himself coveting her body as well. Her young, lithe, untouched body.

He clenched his hands and stood up, moving to the shower to rinse off the sheen of sweat. He hissed as the water hit his erection and he pressed his forehead against the shower wall, letting out a shudder when he gripped his dick with one of his large hands.

He hated himself as he thought about how her small hands would feel gripped around it like she held her staff. He pumped a few times, remembering the vividness of his dream - how she had slid against his thighs, her liquid smearing across them.

 _"Fuck,"_ he groaned as he smacked the shower wall, gritting his teeth and his hand gripped harder with every stroke.

He went slow, as slow as Rey had as she sank onto his dick, gripping it with her muscles. Standing there, the water rushing over his back, he waited a few moments to just _remember._

His hand moved again, faster this time, spreading his feet for greater balance, squeezing harder and harder, imagining it was Rey forcing her cunt down on him.

 _"Rey,"_ he shouted as his seed hit the shower wall in spurts and his chest heaved from the mixture of exertion and sickness.

Ben pushed off of the wall in horror at how he had just violated his position as teacher; Rey trusted him, and now every time she smiled at him he would only be able to think about what that looked like after her lips pulled away from his.

* * *

A few days later, plagued with similar dreams every night, Ben could barely look at her as they went through the various forms, trying not to remember the way it felt to slide against her.

Rey was not unaware of a shift, but it suited her fine; a few weeks ago she had discovered a new emotion - arousal. It had started after a particularly heated training session one day when Ben had stripped off his shirt in response to the heat outside.

She had locked onto the lines of his stomach and chest and barely got through the rest of the day, heading straight back to her room and falling onto the bed, exhaling loudly.

It wasn't as if she hadn't known he was attractive - that she was attracted _to_ him on _some_ level - she had just thought it was natural in a way, but nothing serious. When he took off his shirt, she felt a heat and a pull low in her abdomen, between her legs.

She pressed her legs together on the bed, kicking off her shoes; it was incredibly _stupid_ to be thinking about her teacher like that. He had been okay up until now, but there was a reason everyone seemed to not like him - fear him, really.

There had been whispers about his disregard for the Jedi Code, the emotional outbursts. What would he say if he knew she _liked_ him? She would probably have a new teacher, and the thought pulled at her heart already; she was far too attached to him.

Pressing her legs together to get rid of the sensation only seemed to make it worse and she huffed and pressed her back against the bed.

Ben was tall, maybe the tallest human she had ever encountered and she would be lying if she said that it hadn't intimidated her at first. But he never used it to intimidate her; he didn't ignore his size in their fight training, but Rey was taught to focus on how _her_ strengths could overcome his.

She smiled as she remembered how he had explained bracing her shoulders and feet to get the maximum strength in a jab with her staff.

He had set his hands gently on her bare upper arms, the move seemingly clinical and detached - a teacher showing his student how to stand. But she remembered the way he leaned in too close, his chest pressed almost against her back, curling around her.

Rey let out a frustrated groan as she felt a pulse between her legs at the thought. Without another thought, she pulled off her jacket and shirt, exposing her chest to the air, her nipples reacting almost immediately.

There was nothing wrong with exploring her desires, she _knew_ that, but as she slipped her hands into her pants and pulled them off, she felt dirty.

She pulled her legs up, spreading her knees slightly, and planted her feet on the bed; Rey rested her hands on her chest, calming her breath.

Never before had she touched herself; sure she knew the basics, but it hadn't been until she met Ben that she felt that desire the women on Jakku spoke of in whispers.

Massaging her breasts, she thought about how his hands would dwarf them; how he would cover her whole chest with his hands, pressing down as she squirmed underneath. Her nipples pebbled as she kneaded them, wishing his oversized fingers were there instead, twisting and pulling. Rey's hips lifted up involuntarily, searching on instinct for something to press against.

One hand drifted down between her thighs and she closed her eyes, imagining it was his; she whined as it grazed her clit and sank lower, feeling her arousal.

 _"Ben,"_ she whispered quietly, wishing he was really there watching her. She ran both her hands along her inner thighs, nervous about what she was doing.

She felt a warmth suffuse her, as if something was telling her it was alright, and she brought her hand back to her clit, fingers moving over it slowly. Hips lifted slightly at each pass, her amazed gasps growing louder as she increased speed and pressure slowly.

Biting her lip, she cautiously pushed her middle finger inside slowly, whining at the unusual intrusion; she was so slick it went in easily, but as she lay there, chest heaving and finger still inside of her unmoving she felt fear.

Ben would _never_ be able to fit inside of her; he was too large - she knew he had to be. Moving her finger in and out tentatively made her whine loudly; she felt her grip on it was loosening and pushed a second one inside.

 _"Stars, fuck!"_ She cried out as the heel of her palm pressed against her clit as she moved her fingers inside of her. It rubbed in circles, mimicking the pulsing rhythm of her fingers.

The hand which had lain braced on her thigh moved to her breast, pulling at her nipple again. She kept at it for a long time, her clit pulsing and her body breathing hard. Her moans had grown louder, echoing off the walls as she moved.

 _"Oh god,"_ she cried as she felt something come over her, pressure that had been building low in her abdomen was pushing down, centering on her clit and her fingers. Picking up the pace on instinct, she pushed her hips off the bed with her feet, adding more pressure.

The increased force and speed spilled over and she let out a loud sob, _"Ben, please."_ As she came, her pussy clasped around her fingers, pulsing as she pushed in and out, riding the waves.

Her knees collapsed against the bed and she pulled her fingers out, resting her hand against her thigh.

She lay there in silence for a long time, unable to get the thought of her teacher's body lying next to her, his hair brushing her chest out of her head. Maybe it was a good thing he was keeping his distance, because Rey would be mortified if he ever knew a simple child was using him for her imaginary pleasure.

Still, her lips curled into a tiny smile as she said out loud, "Thank you, Master Ben."

* * *

Ben Organa-Solo stood outside the hallway that led to the padawan rooms, his head pressed against a nondescript beige door. His chest heaved wildly and his fist pounded against the wall in a rhythm no one understood. They ignored him though, as they always did.

He had come to apologize for their last session, he had ended it rather abruptly and felt she shouldn't have to face his wrath just because he couldn't keep dream-Rey separate from real-Rey.

But as he walked closer to her quarters, he felt a wave of heat wash over him, nearly paralyzing him with desire.

He knew without checking that it was Rey projecting her emotions, and he went to stand in front of the door. Ben certainly didn't want to interrupt whatever was going on, but to save her the embarrassment of her peers he extended a silencing force bubble around her room, cutting anyone off to what was happening.

Ben knew no one would be able to recognize either one, as he was far more adept than any padawan, but wanted to protect her nonetheless.

He hadn't expected to hear his name faintly whispered on the other side of the door, he slammed his head against it and groaned. Ben knew with certainty what she was doing and knew it would haunt his dreams even more.

How would he get through her entire training? _Years_ of this?

Rolling his forehead against the door, he slammed the wall with his palm as he heard her moans, begging him to touch her.

He would. He would have touched her, it would have been so easy to interrupt and help her continue.

But he was far too old for her, she was too young, and his student. Ben clenched his fists, imagining her perky round breasts in his oversized hands and groaned himself, his erection making his clothes uncomfortable.

By the time she had finished, he was delirious with desire and ripped his head and hands away, dropping the shield and stomped away, the glare on his face a warning to anyone who looked to stop him.

He would have to get her out of his system without defiling her, Jedi Code or no.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** alallalalalalaalalala *crosses off masturbation on the kink list*


	3. a risky endeavor

" _Desiring another person is perhaps the most risky endeavor of all."_

― _Elizabeth Gilbert_

The dark Jedi hovered over the woman's body, jerking his hips roughly into her, grinding against her clit. She tried to keep her moans quiet, knowing he didn't like them - they were here for one reason, and any additional theatrics were met with disdain.

His head dropped down, dark black hair brushing against her neck, "Oh fuck, _Kylo."_

Ben groaned at his secret name, the only one he allowed her to speak when they met. He dropped to his elbows and pressed along her body, slowing for more powerful thrusts that made her mewl as her hips moved with his movements.

Her hands ran through his hair, cradling his head against her neck, "Kylo, Kylo."

She begged him and with each whisper of his name he groaned and sped up.

Nails raked over his scalp and he hissed loudly, "Rey, please, I can't-"

"Come for me, baby," she felt him shudder and she gripped his ass, pressing closer to him, aiding in his thrusts as his movements became unhinged.

The pull became overwhelming and he let go, his body going rigid above the woman who pulled against his hair in arrested ecstasy.

He whispered _her_ name over and over as he came, his cum filling the woman beneath him.

She ran her hands down his back, soothing him as they came down from the high.

"You are certainly worthy of being a Master Jedi, Kylo," she laughed lightly.

He stiffened at her words and pushed off, climbing out of bed and walking to the fresher. Snatching a towel, he cleaned himself off and pulled on his pants.

Outside, she waited a few minutes, catching her breath on the bed, knowing he needed time. She watched him walk out with a damp washcloth and he wiped her thighs and center clean of his cum.

"Kylo," she said into the silence, but he ignored her - knowing what she would say.

He left again and returned fully dressed, finally looking at her, "I don't think I can do this anymore, Syndra."

She sighed, they went through this every time in different forms and words, "Alright."

"I mean it, this is over," he fixed her, his tell-tale cold stare back in place, so different than when he moved over her. "When we started this, I thought it would make everything better, make me forget _her."_

He let out a wracking sigh, "But it didn't. And every time she looks at me I feel sick about it, about what I'm doing - this is twisted."

She raised up on her knees above the bed, careless of her nakedness, "We had a deal, Kylo, if you end this you run the risk of me telling the council all your dirty secrets, _Jedi."_

She spat the last word as a curse and in the next moment she fell back against the bed, clawing at her throat.

Ben held his hand out, a force grip around her throat, and he came to stand over her, looming with a stoic expression.

"You will not tell anyone, you know what awaits you if you even so much as _hint_ at what our relationship consisted of. I would have my mother assign you to the furthest delegation on the Outer Rim. _After_ I wiped your memory."

Her eyes filled with fear, she knew people stayed away from him, there were whispers even outside of the Jedi Order about his emotions. But never had he raised a hand to her.

He must have seen something in her mind that acquiesced to him and he released her, wracked with coughs. Hands felt around her throat, "Damn you, Ben, you need to figure your shit out."

He backed away, ignoring the use of his real name, "I know, I told you I can't do this anymore."

"She'll never want you after this," Syndra spat in anger.

"It doesn't matter, I would never have been able to have her in the first place. We are Jedi, it is forbidden," he spoke quietly and she could feel him pulling away, folding in on himself.

Syndra knew the whole sordid story, when he had visited her that night two years ago he was frantic with need and he had told her. They hadn't met like that in years, but fell into the habit again easily. It wasn't her name he whispered, it was Rey - his student and padawan, she learned later.

He came to her multiple times a week, always to slake a need for something he couldn't have. She knew even their affair was something blatantly against the Jedi Code, so she asked him for things. He had pull with his mother, Senator Organa, and Syndra was very politically ambitious.

So she played along with the twisted roleplay, pretending she was _his Rey_. For two years he went back and forth between calling it off and coming back, but he always came back when the need became too great.

Syndra had never met the girl, but whoever she was she hoped that she never found out about this. It would surely terrify her and he would lose his padawan.

Which, it turns out, was one his biggest fears. Her throat was sore, and Ben watched her press her fingers against it, checking for any injuries.

"I will uphold our deal, and you will _keep quiet_. I don't want to see you again, I mean it."

With that, he pulled his dark hood up and left her room, slipping unseen out of the diplomatic quarters, heading back to his place at the Academy.

* * *

"Again, Rey!" His voice was harsh and it rang throughout the training room as they ran through the various forms of fighting. They were locked into the choreographed movements of their warm up, training swords clashing heavily.

Minutes passed in silence afterwards, just Rey's grunts and Ben's ferocious glare. Finally her sword struck his back as he spun around, catching him off guard, and he fell to the ground in surrender.

He rolled onto his back and looked up at her, grinning, "Not bad, padawan."

Rey twirled her the training saber around in a mimic of his style and looked down, "I had a good teacher, Master."

"I'm not a master, Rey, just a Jedi." He sighed and jumped up off the ground, taking her sword and returning it to the wall.

"Well, _I_ think you're already a Master Jedi," her voice was light and flirty, something that he cherished even though it killed him. She was open about her attraction to him, which made it nearly impossible for him to move on.

But nonetheless, they had both learned a great deal about the sacred bond between a Jedi and his padawan and she had the potential to be as strong as Ben, well on her way to becoming one of the most powerful Jedi.

"Rey, we've talked about this," he turned towards her and looked at her seriously, "You can't….do that with me."

Rey tilted her head, "Do what?"

"You know what."

She sighed, agreeing - she knew exactly what he meant. They had talked about it many times - but still she flirted incessantly and only in private. Ben had been her sexual awakening and it had only grown with time - every time she convinced him to have a meal with her and learned more about his family.

Her friends and peers still looked at her with shock and horror as she sat with him in the hallway, talking as if they didn't have ten years and a world separating them. They whispered to her in the evenings, asking what he was like, and she would just shrug and say _a good teacher._ But in reality the only thing she wanted to do was climb into his lap and kiss him until his arms wrapped around her body.

It would never happen, she knew; he had rebuffed and shut her down constantly over the years. He had never made her feel foolish, but she knew he wanted to be a Master Jedi and breaking both the Jedi Code _and_ the padawan-Jedi relationship at the same time would set him off course.

Rey felt fingers under her chin, guiding her eyes up to his, "It has nothing to do with you, Rey. It is not the Jedi way, this thing you want from me."

He implored her with his eyes and she swallowed, nodding. Ben stepped back and moved to leave, "I have a meeting with Master Skywalker, I'll find you afterwards for your next lesson."

She watched his confident walk as he left her and shook her head to clear the thoughts before they formed.

* * *

"Jedi Organa-Solo, thank you for coming," Luke gestured for his nephew to enter. Ben walked into the room and stood in front of him, legs parted and hands clasped behind his back.

"What do you need of me?"

Luke's lips cut up in a smile, the Jedi in front of him had come far in the short time he had spent with his padawan; tempered him, most of the council said. He would be a Master Jedi soon, Luke felt it.

"I have a mission for you, and your padawan Rey. It involves an investigation on Arkanis, some locals have reported an area that causes people to attack each other if they enter at the same time."

Ben took a deep breath, knowing they were testing him and his skills with this - he was a step closer to what he had always wanted. "Thank you, Master Skywalker, I am eager for this mission. I know Rey will be as well."

Luke's senses sharpened when he heard Ben speak Rey's name, but he dismissed it; padawans and their teachers were always close - his father and Obi-Wan were a good example. They were like brothers.

"Your informational holoreader is in your room, may the force be with you, nephew."

* * *

He had underestimated how hard it would be to travel with Rey alone, sleeping in close quarters, seeing her after her shower. It took them three cycles to reach Arkanis and by that time, he was nearly mad with desire. Only he no longer had Syndra to sate the hunger, and watching Rey move with blurry eyes in the morning quickly proved she would no longer be good enough to fake being Rey for him.

They were moving through the forest, looking for the cave the locals had marked for them.

"So how exactly are we supposed to avoid the whole killing each other issue?" She asked beside him.

Ben glanced over at her and nearly tripped at the inquisitive look she shot him; she was so _beautiful_ when she was curious - always.

Shaking his head, he spoke, "We'll have to form a force…barrier, basically. But in our minds, so whatever is affecting the impulse control won't harm us."

Rey just nodded, understanding what he meant, they had practiced mind-based Force skills quite a bit since she was surprisingly adept at them.

"We're getting close, if we're going to find the cause of the anomaly it's best we guard ourselves before we get there."

Gesturing towards her, they grasped each others' hands and bowed their heads to center and focus on the task at hand. Rey could feel his raw power coursing through her body, felt the dark power that was there just as much as light.

It was intoxicating. It always was, with them.

He felt the barrier around her mind form and smiled that she had achieved it before him; Rey was truly an adept student.

Ben opened his eyes and looked at her, pressing against her mind as a test, "We're good, let's continue."

Rey adjusted the lightsaber at her waist and followed him.

After another ten minutes of walking towards the cave, his body slowly became heavy with desire and he shook his head, "Rey, do you feel-"

He collapsed to his knees and she rushed up to him, "Ben! Are you okay, Master?"

Ben pushed her away with the force, so unexpected it took her a moment to regain her control.

"Rey. Leave now."

She shook her head, not that he could see - his hands and knees were on the ground, chest heaving. He felt a gentle head against his back, "Ben, what's wrong?"

He groaned, the touch shooting pain straight to his rock hard erection he was trying to hide from her. "I know what this place is, it doesn't cause violence - it turns your most repressed feeling into reality."

She crouched in front of him and he lifted his head to watch her, fearing she would realize what was wrong before he could convince her to leave him.

A soft push hit his mind and he was in no condition to keep her out, and he felt her gasp as she realized what was wrong.

"Your most repressed feeling is…lust?"

He clinched his teeth, "No. Desire."

Rey scrunched up her nose, watching the way he got up and stumbled towards the large boulders flanking the cave. "What's the difference?"

"Lust is rutting, desire is a…deeper need."

She looked back at the way they came, knowing she should leave, "What happens if I leave you, Master?"

A loud groan escaped him and he barely kept his hands on the boulder. He just kept shaking his head and she entered his mind again to get her answer.

"Well _that's_ not going to happen," she said emphatically, almost eager at the opportunity in front of her. If he didn't resolve this feeling and ride out the compulsion, he would be rendered mad.

In the history, everyone around the cave had killed each other, no one had ever survived or resisted it. Rey could survive it, she knew, but so might Ben.

She unbuckled her belt and let it fall to the ground, slowly removing her shirt behind him; Ben was too lost in his attempts to fight it off to realize what she was doing.

Rey stepped out of the last of her clothes and then her shoes and walked up behind her Master, hand curling around his arm as she forced him to turn around.

He cried out in despair, "Rey, _please."_

"You need this, let me give it to you." She took his hand and placed it on one of her breasts and he snapped, pulling her to him and leaning down to kiss her. His hands spread across the entirety of her back and she groaned at being surrounded by him _finally._

He ripped away from her lips, "This isn't right, please don't make me do this." His eyes pleaded with hers, the pain almost too much to bear.

But Rey just grinned lasciviously, "Don't worry, Master. I feel it, too." She pulled his hand between her legs and used his fingers to rub her clit as he stood there gaping at her in shock.

He ripped his hand away and picked her up, slamming her against the rock, "I warned you to go, now face the consequences of your rebellion."

"I'll take whatever you give me, Master," she squirmed, undeterred by the darkness in his voice.

His hand flew out and forced her legs and hands apart as he unbuckled his belt, throwing it to the ground as he stripped the rest of his clothes off. She stared hungrily at his cock, twitching against his stomach it was so hard.

She smiled at him, "It's much bigger than I imagined, Master Ben."

 _"Fuck,"_ it's like she knew exactly what he wanted to hear, in all his fantasies. He pressed his hand against her chest and his fingers went into her pussy with no warning. She cried out in pain and he relished it. "I told you, you don't know who you're playing with. You'll be raw when I'm done with you."

She tried to move her hips against him, but was still held down; his thumb circled her clit and she sobbed at the feeling. It was so much more than she had ever dreamed of, than she had ever been able to do herself.

"Ben….please," she didn't even know what she was asking for, but he didn't want her begging.

He released her from the hold and she rolled off the boulder and barely got to her feet before he pushed her to her knees, gripping her hair to look up at him.

"No begging, padawan," He gripped his dick in his hand, pumping it a few times as he watched her eyes go wild at the reality of the situation. "Be careful what you wish for, Rey. Now open your mouth and accept what you begged for."

She was slow to do what he asked and he jerked her head in a silent command; Rey opened her mouth, eyes watching his face with a mixture of fear and excitement. He moved closer and pushed his cock into her mouth slowly, letting her adjust her mouth and throat around it.

He felt her teeth graze against him and he hissed in pleasure, "Good girl, Rey. Suck your Master's cock, you wanted to do this for years didn't you?"

Rey closed her eyes in pleasure, humming her agreement as she pulled back slightly; he took her action as withdrawal and he gripped her hair harder and shoved her back onto his cock, the tip sliding down her throat.

She gagged around it and he hissed in pleasure, holding her head in place as he fucked her rosy mouth with an irrational fervor.

Somewhere in the corner of his mind, the undrugged Ben Organa-Solo was weeping at what he was doing to the girl he had so carefully stayed away from, but that was soon flooded with the animalistic urge to continue feeding his desire.

For her.

He wasn't sure if Rey realized it or not, that the reason the distinction between _desire_ and _lust_ was so important was because of _her._

Ben abruptly pulled her away before he could come; he knelt to place his face before her and studied her face as she got her bearings.

"First time you've ever sucked a dick, padawan?"

Instead of timidly answering as he expected, she smiled coyly, "Yes, I wanted you to be my first."

He grunted and pulled her up, pushing her against the rock again, but before he could do anything else she stunned him, "But I practiced an awful lot."

Lips met hers again and she dipped to stroke his raging hard-on again; Ben's determination finally snapped and he lined himself up to her entrance and watched her lips. Breath was coming in haggard gasps between the both of them; he knew she wasn't affected by the strange drug, but it certainly seemed as if she had been.

"Ben," she whispered, bringing him back to the reality, feeling her hips try to push down on him without his help.

He snapped and let out a predatory growl as he gripped her hips in place and forced himself into her in one hard thrust. Her screams echoed through the cave entrance and surrounding forest and he drank them in, not caring about anything more than his desire for her - to sate it.

He took a nipple into his mouth and pulled at it with his teeth, causing more cries of pain, her body shuddering around him. Letting go of the nipple he moved to her neck, dragging his tongue up to her ear before he whispered, "Do you still want me, little padawan?"

Tears hit his cheek and he licked them off her face, still buried within her after the one thrust that ruined her for all other men, the thrust that claimed her as his.

"Yes," she whispered, softly but confidently. He paused, pulling back to watch her face and gauge her sincerity.

"I've wanted you for so long, Ben. You said no, you were clear, but I can't pass this chance up. I may never get another one. I'll take all of this and beg for more."

Ben shuddered and buried his head into her neck, kissing it, sucking it softly. An apology.

"I can't…it's hard to control it, I don't know if I can be gentle…right now," he struggled to force the words out, his body quivering with trying to control his drug-amplified desire.

Her hands brushed his back, soothing him, "It's my first time, Ben. Be my teacher in this, too. Focus on that, show me how to love you."

"Rey…" He couldn't respond to that, knowing anything he would say would make the aftermath even worse. It was already going to be much, much worse than she thought it would be.

Instead of responding, he kissed her lips lightly and picked her legs up, wrapping them around his waist. She hissed at the movement, but it turned into a purring when he started lightly circling her clit with his thumb, his hand pressed against her stomach.

He stayed there, focusing solely on her, until he felt her pussy relax around him, slicking his dick with arousal again. Pulling out a little bit, he rocked into her and her head fell back in surprise.

Ben set a leisurely rhythm, mindful of the pain she was still enduring - pain he had made infinitely worse; she didn't seem to mind it, her mewls and moans surrounded him.

Finally, he lifted her off the boulder and turned them around, spreading himself against it and holding her in the air without any support.

She gasped and her hands hit his hard chest; the chest that had awakened her desire all those years ago. Unable to control herself, she leaned in and licked his nipple as he had hers; he chuckled darkly, loving it - loving _her._

"Hold on, my little padawan," he whispered, and he raised her up and slammed her back onto his dick. She groaned in full pleasure this time, the angle hitting something even more hidden, something that caused immediate ripple effects in her body.

He kept grinding her against him from that position, and she threw her head back in adoration, baring his erect nipples for him. She was such a beautiful girl - would be devastating when she matured more; Ben shook his head, knowing he would never see that after they got back from this trip.

Instead of focusing on that, he pulled her against him, hugging her to him as he pistoned his hips into hers.

He felt the beginnings of her orgasm as her pussy started fluttering around his cock and she let out a long moan; he pulled her head back, "Rey, look at me. _I'm doing this._ My cock is buried inside of you, making you come - do you like my cock, little padawan?"

Another wave of pleasure hit her and her voice went mute, but her mind was suddenly open to him and he felt **everything.**

"Oh god," he sobbed in horror and pleasure all at once. He felt something snap into place as he came inside of her in a long stream, dripping down her thighs.

The snap. _No. Please no, oh god no._

Rey just curled up against him and he pulled her to him as tightly as he could, trying to savor the last moments he would ever have with her. Ben smoothed her hair that had become unraveled, kissing the top of her head.

She smiled against his skin, "We didn't do nearly enough kissing."

"No," he sighed and reluctantly pulled her off of him, trying to avoid her stare. "This wasn't supposed to happen - this was all wrong. It was _never_ supposed to be like this."

Rey stood there for long minutes, watching as he dressed slowly, not making a single move towards her clothes; as he buckled his belt he looked over at her briefly before turning away.

"You should get dressed, padawan," the distance was back in his voice. "I'll find the force-wound in the cave that's caused all this mess."

The sound of boots breaking twigs on the forest ground made her come to, and when he was out of sight she dressed hurriedly, suddenly ashamed of her nakedness. This was not how she expected it to go - Rey thought that somehow if she could just get him to acknowledge that he wanted her, then all of their problems would be resolved. The tension in their sessions would give way to playful, sexual teasing.

Instead she just felt cold and ashamed. And angry.

She waited for him, and sensed his moodiness as he walked back up to her.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" She snapped.

"Whatever was happening here is gone, I don't know what it was, but apparently it's left - or we inadvertently fixed it."

"By fucking." She said it so bluntly that he blanched at the reminder. Rey turned around and started walking back to their ship, determined to ignore him.

Ben followed her, "Not…exactly. It was because you were unaffected and I was…not. Whatever it was survived by turning one on each other. With most people, the repressed feeling is often rage or violence."

There was hesitation in his steps and he couldn't continue; she left it there for a long time, before finishing for him. "But with you, your most repressed feeling was desire."

"Yes."

"For me."

"Yes. Look, Rey-"

She spun around, "NO! You don't get to talk to me right now, I gave you _everything_ \- my skills, my future, my virginity, my _heart."_

A finger jabbed at his chest with every item and he felt himself being torn apart with each touch, "I've wanted you since I was _fifteen_ and you never gave me the time of day."

"I am your _teacher,_ Rey. Not only that, I am a Jedi - it is forbidden," he pled with her, hoping she would see why it was wrong.

"I love you," she said simply. Rey watched his face and it went blank; after a moment, the cold Ben everyone else knew was back.

"That's not my fault. I was only ever your teacher and you are a teenager with an infatuation. It will pass."

With that, he brushed past her and she followed, muffled sobs pricking his ears until they got to the ship and she closed herself off in the bunk room.

He knew it was best that she didn't know everything he felt, it would only make it harder when he left; she would get over this and become a legendary Jedi to outshine all others.

She just wouldn't do it with him.

* * *

 **author's note:** a few more knocked off, story is building around them. to be clear, Kylo/Ben is still the same person, just without Snoke's influence - so he wants to be a Jedi, but still has that light/dark duality which comes out ;)


	4. the ring of fire

**_"One morning, about four o'clock, I was driving my car just about as fast as I could. I thought, 'Why am I out on the highway this time of night?' I was miserable, and it all came to me: 'I'm falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with. I can't fall in love with this man, but it's just like a ring of fire."_**

 ** _― June Carter Cash_**

They were only a short time away from docking in Coruscant; Ben left the pilot's chair to inform Rey, who had been hiding in their bunk for the last several days.

Rapping on the door, he spoke, "Rey, we're almost home. Can we speak a moment before we land?"

Ben stood there for a few moments and turned around to leave when he heard the whoosh of the door opening. She stood there, eyes still puffy, arms wrapped around her body, and he ached.

This was all his fault, he knew that, he should've been stronger - more prepared. They had been so close, he could've parted ways when they both were promoted and never been tempted by her again.

"Well, what do you want - to humiliate me some more?" Rey spoke into the silence and though he flinched at her tone, his eyes didn't leave her face.

Ben sighed, "I'm sorry I was harsh before, but for now I am still your teacher - it was highly inappropriate and you had to understand that your desires could not become reality in any way."

Long moments passed and he thought that was all she would give him, so he walked back and sat down heavily into the pilot's seat.

"What did you mean by, 'For now I'm still your teacher'?"

The voice spoke quietly behind him and he sighed, not bothering to turn around, "When we land, I'll be requesting to be removed from my duties as your teacher. You'll either be promoted to Jedi - as I believe you should be - or be assigned a new teacher."

Rey walked towards him, her body beside his chair, and he looked up at her finally. "Why would you do that to me?"

"I'm not doing anything _to_ you, I care too much about you and your future to put you through the pain of being paired with a teacher who's done these things to you. Jedi can't marry, can't form romantic attachments - if you want any type of future within the order, you can't take whatever you feel for me any further."

He took her hand as he spoke, brushing her palm with his thumb; it was perhaps the most selfless thing he had ever done, which wasn't saying much in the grand scheme of things. Unfortunately, she did not see it that way and slapped him across the face with the hand he wasn't holding.

"You're a bastard, a _monster,"_ Rey ripped her hand from his, watching his face redden - from the slap or anger, she wasn't sure. "I can't believe I fawned over you for _years."_

He chuckled darkly, "You didn't know any better, there are far better people out there for you to focus on. I was just the first person you got to know and you grew attached. Your feelings have nothing to do with me, they will pass when I leave you be."

Rey screamed in anger and stomped off to the back of the ship, furious with him - that he thought she was that foolish. She was young, but knew what her heart wanted. There had been plenty of times in the past few years with the order where she could have become "attached" to someone else. None of them had been Ben, though.

She felt the ship land on the edge of the Academy and stood beside him as the ramp lowered. He stiffened next to her as he saw what awaited them.

"They have come for me, it seems," Ben spoke confidently, something that confused her. "Be safe, Rey. You've done nothing wrong."

Rey just watched him walk down the ramp, not understanding his words, until the Jedi guards clasped his wrists behind him. She gasped, realized they had to be mandalorian shackles, made for cutting off a Jedi's connection to the force.

Suddenly overcome with panic, she ran down the ramp and accosted one of the guards that walked him into the building.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"We've been under orders from the Council to bring Jedi Organa-Solo to them immediately upon arrival," he spoke calmly as he continued walking behind his prisoner.

 _Rey, let it be. Stay away from me, you don't want to be involved._

She froze mid-step at the voice in her head, knowing it was Ben's, but not understanding how he was in her head. By the time she came back to reality, they were gone and he was behind the Council doors.

* * *

"Jedi Organa-Solo," Master Jolee spoke clearly, "It has come to the attention of this Council that you have been using skills only a dark side user is capable of. What do you say to this?"

Ben's head was bowed in resignation as he entered the room, expecting an accusation of violating his padawan's trust - sure that his love for Rey was written on his entire body, especially now. At Master Jolee's words, though, his head snapped up and his eyes became fierce, calculating.

"I say to you that these are mere accusations, I have served the Jedi and its council well in my twenty years of learning and service. Do you have proof these rumors are true?"

Ben knew they didn't, because although they were true, he didn't use the dark side in the way the Sith did. The Force just was, and nothing the Council said would change that.

Master Luke watched his nephew's defiant stance and let out a heavy sigh, "We do not yet have proof, and you will be kept in seclusion until our investigation is complete. We must be sure, as the Sith have infiltrated the Order before under our noses."

Anakin, his grandfather, had been one of those dark side users - he had been the end of many, many Jedi lives, all under the Council's watchful eyes. It was because of this that Ben just nodded, accepting that he could do nothing until they were satisfied that he was not what they feared.

The only person that could confirm he used dark side powers was Syndra, and he had made it perfectly clear that she would not be pleased if she went to them. And so he waited.

* * *

A week later, he heard the whoosh of the door opening and opened his eyes to look at his visitor. He spent much of his day in meditation; not that it did him any good as far as contact with the Force, since they kept him in the special chains around the clock.

He blinked from the sudden flow of light and finally recognized Rey standing in front of him. The door closed behind them and she stood there watching him.

Ben couldn't bring himself to break the silence, knowing if she came to see him it was with a reason - and she would get to it soon enough.

"Is it true?" Her voice was clear and confident, and he knew she was just asking to hurt him.

"You know it's true," Ben sighed and looked up at her with no remorse, just acceptance.

Rey shook her head and sat on the edge of the bed; he swallowed hard at the brief thought that she was finally in his bed - where he had wanted her for so long. "I'm surprised you came, I told you not to get involved."

"You're nothing but a liar," he flinched as she spoke quietly, with a current of anger, "All those words you gave me - the excuses about following the rules and the Jedi code, all empty to you. Why not just tell me you didn't want me?"

He ran his hand through his hair and the chains clanked, drawing her eyes to them; Ben pushed his back against the wall opposite of her, watching her movements.

"All those things I told you were true, I had no interest in influencing you, to have you follow my beliefs. My job was to train you as a Jedi and that's what I was doing." She stared at him with crossed arms and he wished he could feel the Force around him so he could sense what she was feeling underneath her anger.

"What do you believe?"

The voice was filled with curiosity and his heart swelled, remembering the sheer beauty of her inquisitiveness.

"I was born of both light and dark influence, as we've spoken of. What is currently taught is that you must choose one side of the force or the other and while I understand the reasons _why_ it is that way, I believe to deny one side of my nature is dangerous. The Force is just one thing - itself; it has neither light nor dark properties. It just is."

She shook her head, "I don't believe that. I've felt your darkness, Ben. That's not just the Force - the dark side is corrupting you."

A bitter smile hit his face and he took a deep breath, "I was already dark, Rey - but I am also light. I can be both, can _use_ both, without becoming corrupted because it's already inside of me. I don't think it's something everyone should follow - it's why I never spoke of it to you or others - but the only way to keep myself strong and sane was to allow both to exist at the same time."

Rey scoffed and looked away, gripping the edge of his bed tightly, trying to decide if she should just go - it was foolish to stay here and listen to more of his lies. Part of her was glad he had no intention of swaying others to his cause, that it was just something he practiced, but another was irrationally angry that he never confided in her.

"That wasn't why I came," she finally spoke, evading the topic altogether. He raised his hands and gestured for her to continue, "When you were being escorted to the council chambers, I heard your voice…"

He went deathly still and fear spiked in her stomach; Ben had hoped she would have brushed it off, but he knew she had to be told sooner or later - and better by him than others.

"You heard me because we are bonded by the force."

"What does that mean?" Rey's brows furrowed as she stared at him.

He pulled his legs up, knees brushing his chest and rested his hands on them; staring at nothing. "Force bonds are rare, there are only a few documented in Jedi history. They signify a deep bond between the two people, they can share consciousness, communication, their personalities bleed across; if one is exceptionally stronger than the other, their personality will take over the other. It can be fatal, if one partner dies."

He sighs, "It most often happens between teachers and students due to the time they spend working with each other, but it has also happened to lovers who are force sensitive."

It was that last part that he was most ashamed of, because the bond only sealed itself during their liaison on Arkanis. He tried to look everywhere but at Rey, though she had other ideas.

Rey slipped off the bed and knelt in front of him, placing her hands on his knees; she forced him to look at her.

"But we were both, weren't we? That's why you hate what we did."

"You cannot tell anyone, the council will think you tainted - that whatever wrong I'm guilty of will also include corrupting you." His hands moved slowly, but he grasped hers tightly, "You will be stronger than any of them - no matter what happens to me, you will be the strongest Jedi. Keep it quiet, they will not accuse you without cause to."

Rey stared at their clasped hands and her heart ached, she was still so mad at him for his rejection - but how could she believe that when he was so gentle and caring with her now? Being a Jedi didn't sound so wonderful without Ben as part of the order, she didn't know if she wanted to be one - it had just been a life that was offered.

Still, there was no other path she wanted, and if the stories he had told her of his grandfather were true, the rules were in place for a reason. He had fallen to a dark corruption out of his love for Padme, his forbidden wife; the Sith had used that to their advantage and the Empire had ruled for a generation because of it.

It certainly explained why Ben had shared such a personal story with her, because one day she would try to cross the line with him - and he would reject her. He had been preparing her for that - and she went weak with the knowledge.

Ben smiled, despite the fact that the chains he wore kept him from their force bond, he knew she was realizing how deep the rabbit hole went. He brought her back to the present, "Let me see your lightsaber."

She looked shocked and he laughed, "I knew you would be sent on your journey so you wouldn't harass them about me, but you are worthy of being a Jedi now nonetheless."

Rey reached behind her and unclasped the long metal hilt, holding it in both palms. He grinned as he realized it had two openings and when she activated it, two dark yellow beams shot out, one on either end.

The color was not the bright yellow of the Sentinels of old, but a deep yellow with flashes of red, creating an orange hue. It was utterly unique, he knew it.

"I haven't shown it to anyone," she whispered, voice trembling; she didn't know what it meant to have both an unusual blade style _and_ color. Rey felt uncomfortable being different.

Ben touched the hilt gently, "It is a unique color, Rey. But it is predominantly yellow, a color that signifies a Jedi who favors balance - academics and combat, that is. The orange is more rare, though I do not know what it means. It is possible it simply is a signifier of my influence, our bond - as it is an aspect of the darker side of the force."

"So it's unique, like yours is," she tried to bite back the desperation in her voice, her need to have something to show that they were similar. Ben's blade had been a sore point between him and his Uncle since he had built it in a trance when he was 16.

It was an old, old style that had been refined by him over the years - a crossguard lightsaber, one sword and two exhaust ports. Though the style was unusual and worrisome to the other Jedi, it had been nothing compared to the dark purple color that his kyber crystal had become.

That was when Ben had understood that his nature was different than the others - he had both light and dark, fused as one - much like the Force. There was nothing the Jedi could do, so they allowed it - as the Force wills, they said.

"Yes, I suppose it is. But not as alarming; they might even take it as a portent of your importance in their future. Sentinels were rare, but strong - they valued balance in all things, even their studies."

There was a knock at the door and she cut the saber off, the light leaving the room abruptly.

"I guess my time is up."

Ben just nodded, "It was good to see you, Rey. Be safe, remember what I warned you about."

She lifted herself up off the floor and stood in front of him, looking down, trying to decide what to make of their conversation and the revelations therein.

"I'll see you later," she said finally.

He nodded, knowing it was unlikely, "May the force be with you."

* * *

"Ben Organa-Solo," Master Skywalker spoke, deliberately leaving off his title of Jedi. "You have been accused of the use of the dark side of the force and possible corruption of the Jedi within our care. Do you have anything to say in your defense before we continue?"

Ben fixed each member with a cold stare, moving to each of them at an agonizing pace, judging them. He could feel the ripple of darkness inside of him despite the chains on his wrists. "I would only say that there is no proof that these allegations have merit, as I am sure you have discovered in the past month."

The room was deathly silent for minutes after, and he knew he had spoken correctly - they would have no proof, but that wouldn't keep them from casting him out of their order. He felt the edge of anger boiling inside of him, his future slipping away because of an archaic and restrictive system.

"You are correct, Ben. We have not found anything other than the initial allegations and rumors. However, they are enough to warrant caution and as such, you will be stripped of your title and unable to earn the rank of Master until you have proven we can trust you. Also-"

"I'm afraid that won't work for me, Uncle. With respect to this institution, the rank of Master Jedi is no longer appealing to me. I will be withdrawing from the Order immediately. Thank you for your training and consideration."

Ben knew he had shocked them all, no one voluntarily left the Jedi Order, "There is no need for that, you will be able to earn the honor in the future -"

He raised his hand, silencing them, the mandalorian shackles dropped from his wrists, "Yes, as long as I prove worthy of your trust. Funny thing, though, I already had. I spent almost twenty years studying to be a Jedi and Master, I acquiesced to teaching an older padawan - one who became a Jedi in record time. And yet I am to lose all credibility because of an accusation that has no evidence to it?"

The council shifted in their seats, uncomfortable; good, they should be. His voice dropped, malice lacing it, "I fear I no longer care for the concerns of the Jedi order."

He turned and left, the shackles resting in the center of the room. They had not been able to hold him, and the Master Jedi realized that the only thing controlling Ben Organa-Solo was himself.

* * *

She felt his presence almost immediately when the chains fell off, felt his anger and the coolness of his mind. Rey waited for a while, hoping he might come to see her, but he never showed up.

She ran into Finn in the hallway as she left her quarters, "Rey! Did you hear? The council wanted to strip Jedi Solo of his title and he _left._ He just left the order! Who does that?"

Finn looked baffled, but Rey had a sick feeling in her stomach and she pushed away from him, running towards the entrance of the Academy. She hoped to catch him before he left.

His heavy gait was amplified by the anger at how he had been treated by the order after decades of devotion. He knew what he had done was right, that this was his path, but the knowledge brought him no warmth.

There was a ripple in his mind and he froze, recognizing her across their bond, and pulled into the shadows of the hallway. He knew where she was headed, and as she walked by he gripped her by the arm and placed his hand over her mouth.

He dragged her into his now-empty quarters, releasing her when the door shut behind them.

Eyes watched her, giving nothing away, and she didn't know what to say now that she had found him. Her heart sped up as the emotionless man stared at her in the long moments of silence, fear creeping in; as she took a step away from him, he spoke.

"By now you've heard news of my fate," he said quietly.

And anger at his choice, at his lack of emotion, angered _her;_ she stepped up and moved to strike his face.

A gloved hand casually reached up to block hers, as if he had known this would be her reaction. _Calm yourself, Jedi._

She ripped her hand out of his, startled that he would use something he had told her not to speak of.

"I'm perfectly _calm,_ Ben. What -"

A hand brushed against her cheek and she went quiet, leaning into it against her better judgment, his eyes watched where his fingers hit her skin. "Don't be afraid, we will always be connected even if I am not here. If you need me."

She let herself indulge the way his fingers pressed against her, then slapped his hand away, "How dare you try to use my affection for you? You rejected it, you don't get to do that now. You're a disgrace to the Jedi order, I'm surprised they would even let you _stay._ I should tell them exactly what you've done."

She was trying to get him to talk about what had happened, but all he seemed to want to do was give her platitudes. He was angry, but understood why she threatened him - fear. The urge to leave her there, leave the conversation, was strong - despite his anger at the order, the archaic rules that were in place that had just erased the past twenty years of his life - but the fear in her eyes kept him rooted. His mind was running quickly, but his posture showed no warmth. The darkness that he had used in the council chambers was still on the edge of his consciousness.

 _"Ben!"_ He fixed her with a cold stare – she didn't understand why he had pulled her here if he was clearly so eager to leave and forget her without a single explanation besides 'I'll still be with you.'

He said nothing in the cold silence, but Rey watched his eyes as they raked over her. She fought the instinct to wrap her arms around her body, but Ben picked up on it and flicked his hand at her in annoyance. Rey felt her body being pushed back against the wall, her hands pinned above her head.

She watched him advance towards her with slight fear - not at what he would do to her, but that her body trembled in desire at the thought of being touched by him. Again.

Ben watched her involuntarily struggle against the hold he had put on her hands, amusement dancing on his lips - she could break it at any time, but instead her instinct was to just press against it deliciously.

"You are not allowed to cover yourself in my presence," he said in his velvet voice that sent shivers down her spine. "You are still wary of this desire that builds inside of you even now, when you should instead embrace it."

Rey furrowed her brow, "That's not what we're taught, it's not what _you_ taught me." She didn't understand the strange pull they had towards each other that made them flirt with the line that was yet another thing the Jedi were and are very clear about – no romantic attachments.

"The Jedi are wrong," he said simply, putting an end to the conversation. He walked towards her, his steps confident, and brushed his hand gently across her cheek, gliding into her hair. She felt her buns come undone, her hair falling around her shoulders. He continued to work in silence as his fingers wrapped around her throat and down her chest, finally resting at her hips; Ben gripped them in large hand that spanned half of her body and she let out an audible gasp at the pressure.

He closed the space between them, pressing his body against hers, and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I've thought of this every day since you arrived, you haunted my dreams. It only grew worse after…" She felt his body shudder against hers, at the memory, and his nose dragged against the edge of her face, his lips pressing softly against her neck.

Hands that dwarfed hers pressed into her skin, teasing bruised flesh in the morning, pulling her hips against his. He still held her against the wall with the force, her feet dangling in the air so their bodies aligned perfectly; she groaned at being so manipulated - against the voices that whispered opposition to such vulnerability.

Ben's hands moved upwards, pulling her top up her chest and over her arms, letting it fall to the ground. She had never seen him so fixated on something, his breaths coming quicker - in time with hers - eyes roaming her torso. Rey felt her nipples pebbling with arousal, at the hungry look in his eyes as he leaned in to touch them, his tongue took a long lick over one and her hips moved against his in reaction.

A hand reached up to press against her stomach as he took her breast in his mouth; she had always known they were smaller than most, but he didn't seem to mind.

He pulled away briefly, "They're perfect."

She didn't ask how he knew what she was thinking, didn't need to. They didn't speak about it much, but their connection was deeper than physical touches.

Teeth gripped a nipple as Ben's fingers twisted the other and she let out a loud _"Oh!"_ as he pulled it before starting to suck. The noises that filled the room were intoxicating and Rey found herself filling it with her own mewls as her breasts were suckled.

Finally, his fingers hooked into her pants and drew them off, her shoes hitting the ground with them. She felt exposed as he spread her legs apart to look at her bare sex.

Ben looked up into her eyes and the coldness and hunger had been replaced with a desperation that warmed her body even more. "You deserved to be _worshipped,_ Rey."

And he believed it. He watched in fascination as the moisture that had built up between her legs began to spread across the lips and edges of her thighs. Shuddering, his fingers moved across her entrance, moaning her name as he felt the warm liquid. Evidence of her arousal.

He pulled away abruptly and studied her, watching her chest heave with anticipation. "Do you want this?" He asked seriously, disarming her with the rapid shift, her mind hazy with desire.

"What?" Was all she could muster, confused why he would bother asking that when it was clearly evident.

His irritation flickered briefly across his face, but he was still intently looking at her, "Do. You. Want. This." He repeated with emphasis, slowly dragging each word out in case she missed it.

Rey's anger sparked at the question, "I've always wanted you. My dreams are filled with thoughts of you - and Arkanis…" She whispered the last word and it seemed to convince him and she watched him pull towards her again, feeling his resolve and contentment at her answer.

She knew what they did was dangerous - foolish - but as his tongue dragged across her slit, she couldn't find it in herself to care.

He knelt in front of her, watching her head fall against the wall as his tongue met her most private place; he felt flashes of her memories - memories of when she touched herself there, thinking of him. He pulled away to take his gloves off, smirking at the way she whined at his absence.

"Patience, padawan."

 _"Please."_ Was all she said and he wrapped her leg over his shoulder, taking a deep breath between her thighs. She felt uncomfortable at being so exposed, but it went away when he pushed two fingers inside of her at the same time his tongue circled her clit.

Nothing she had ever done to herself could have ever prepared for the sensations she was now experiencing. Ben pulled his fingers out and gripped her ass with both hands, pushing her pussy tighter against his mouth. She felt his eagerness as his tongue pushed inside of her, licking where his fingers had just been - twisting as he pulled it out to suck on her clit again, laving it with his tongue.

This went on for minutes before Ben finally looked up at her face from between her legs, speaking softly, the vibrations of his voice filling her with pleasure, "Is this what you wanted, Rey?"

She couldn't speak and he watched her as he inserted two fingers inside of her once more, thumb pressing against her clit as they moved. "When you were on your bed late at night imagining me...did you want _this?"_

He flicked her clit with his thumb as he inserted a third finger, making her cry out at the surprise addition. Her chest was heaving at the sensations and anticipation he was building.

Ben stood up, his hand still working her viciously, and kissed her lips softly - unexpectedly. Rey didn't think that would be a part of whatever this was, but his lips seemed to be made for kissing and she eagerly accepted, despite her limited experience.

He let her hands fall and she wrapped them around his neck, brushing into his hair as her mouth opened to his, meeting his tongue hesitatingly. It was much more than she had ever hoped for, and far better than she had ever dreamed.

His hand pulled away from her and wrapped her legs around his still-clothed body. She whined against his lips and he bit hers in response; lifting her away from the wall, he broke away from her kiss and walked them to his bed, laying her down.

Stepping away, he disrobed slowly, watching the way her eyes appraised him. Last time, his mind was lost in the madness and he was unable to truly appreciate her beauty, but instead of speaking he just watched her.

She resisted the urge to cover herself as he pulled the last slip of clothing away from his body, his firm and broad shape finally open to her view. Rey thought it should be illegal for any Jedi to be this tempting.

His temper flared, "I am no Jedi, not anymore." The time for quiet watching was over and he climbed on top of her, spreading her small and nubile body apart for him. Her legs were angled up around his thighs as he knelt between her, his large hands squeezing her thighs hard.

He leaned over, laying his body against her, dwarfing it; he bit her collarbone and she whimpered as he sucked at it, leaving marks along it. His possessiveness scared her a little bit and he growled at that thought.

"You asked for me, you _begged_ me for this." He held his dick at her entrance and her legs were forced wider, feet flat on the bed; with no other warning, he pushed into her - not as rough as the first time, but forceful. She screamed at it, still not used to his size, and he laughed darkly, "Be careful what you wish for, Rey."

He pulled out and rammed into her again, "You might just _get it."_

She shuddered at his cold voice in her ear, "I want this, I'm not afraid of you." Her voice was strong but low; he heard it though and looked at her as he pulled out slowly, pushing back in at an agonizing pace, pressing against her clit with his body.

Rey groaned, but continued, "This is dangerous, _you_ might be dangerous, but I want you and I'm not afraid of it."

He pressed his face into the bend of her neck, letting out a wracking sigh at her words. He pushed back onto his hands and picked up the pace of his thrusts - each one eliciting a loud cry from Rey, the volume increasing with the force of his stroke.

The speed increased and he collapsed onto his elbows to maintain it, breathing hard over her mouth, feeling her screams vibrating against his dick. She didn't seem to care that people knew this was his room, and would know who was in there with him. Saying goodbye.

There would be whispers later, but the thought of someone walking in and seeing the outcast Jedi Organa-Solo rutting her like an animal drove her screams to a higher pitch.

He saw all of this in her mind and played into it, slowing down to an agonizing speed that made him feel every inch of her pussy gripping him. He was almost as loud as her, Rey realized and grinned, running her nails down his back and feeling him shiver.

"Do you like that, Ben?" When he didn't respond, she dug her nails deeper into him and he groaned desperately, his hips jerking harshly into her involuntarily.

He nipped at her lips in warning and ran a hand to her breasts; he locked eyes with her and Rey's breath left her as she saw his eyes darken to an almost black, but before she could ask what was happening she felt a zap against her stomach and gasped.

The wickedness of the smile he gave her told her he had used force lightning against her; what should have terrified her instead made her pull him closer, climbing up his hips with her legs.

She tapped him, gesturing for him to switch positions; he obliged and held her on top of him, watching as she tentatively swirled her hips against him.

"Rey…" he spoke reverently, but the darkness was still on the edge and he ran his fingers over her breasts, sending little shocks across them as they moved.

His name left her lips and she lost all thought of moving on her own; he realized it and gripped her body, bouncing it against his cock, ragged breaths leaving his body.

She could tell he was close and pressed her hands against the wall above him to stabilize herself, needing more pressure to bring her to climax.

Ben was consumed by the feeling of pleasure and the intoxication of using the force against her, and his thumb slipped against her clit as she bounced against him. He sent a current of shocks to it and heard her scream in the back of his subconscious, he was consumed by it - the way her pussy milked against his cock, jerking uncontrollably from the currents of lightning coursing through her lower body.

He came powerfully, pumping her with a stream of his cum, her cries of pleasure goading him on. He did that; he was making her scream in pleasure, letting everyone around them know that she was _his._ And she wanted it.

"KYLO!" The use of that name brought him out of the reverie and he saw her eyes wet with tears, the bruises forming on her hips. He let go of them and she collapsed against his chest, body shuddering against him.

After the second orgasm, Ben's mind had flown open and she saw the dark place he had gone to, and one word rolled around it. She didn't understand it, but when the feeling of electricity running through her body became too much, she had cried out the name.

Ben wrapped his arms around her back, pressing her against him; he felt her tears against his chest and murmured an apology.

Rey just shook her head against him, "You were right - this _is_ everything I wanted. Still want."

Despite knowing he had to leave soon he pulled his blanket over them and held her as she drifted to sleep.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Ben is on a different path now, what will it bring? =S also, thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed and encouraged me - I drink them like Finn drank the water at Nima outpost


	5. faithless save to love

_**Oh, think not I am faithful to a vow!  
Faithless am I save to love's self alone.  
-Edna St. Vincent Millay**_

Rey woke mere hours later in the middle of the night, still miraculously wrapped in Ben's arms; she was usually a restless sleeper, rolling from one side of her bed to the other, so to find herself in the same position was unusual. She didn't know what to make of it - yes, she thought she loved Ben, she clearly desired him, but never actually thought about what else he would be to her - aside from the reason for those feelings.

Despite what he had said about the Jedi being wrong in their rule forbidding romantic entanglements, she still couldn't shake the stories that were scattered throughout the Jedi history. Stories that Ben had told her explicitly to push her away and make her see reason, though she hadn't understood it at the time.

She watched his sleeping face, his nose so close to her own, and wondered what had changed; he had seemed freer, earlier, casting aside all of his warnings and rejections to accept what she had offered so desperately.

Rey raised one of her hands from where it rested against his back and brushed his hair back, away from his face. What turmoil lay in his mind, she wondered; always seemingly an outcast, only now it was by his choosing. He had been born with both light and dark inside of him, it was true - it's why the Council seemed so ready to believe the rumors - but Rey knew he yearned for acceptance, in whatever role came to him.

It made him vulnerable to those with darker intent than the Jedi Order, Rey knew that much; despite the apparent extinction of the Sith thirty years prior, there would always be a threat of someone taking up their mantle.

 _You're staring,_ his voice said in her head, his words laced with amusement. Rey still wasn't comfortable with this new method of communication and it startled her; her fingers froze as they traced his jaw.

Ben opened his eyes, sensing her racing thoughts, but trying not to read them. He turned to her now-still fingers and kissed the tips of them gently.

"How are you feeling?" His hands ran up and down the edge of her body, a comforting gesture she had not expected from him.

Pulling her fingers away, she rolled onto her back and away from his arms, just staring at the ceiling, "Alright. I'm pretty sore, though that is to be expected."

Despite pulling away from him physically, her lips turned up into a grin remembering the feeling of his fingers, the magnitude of his power that had coursed through her body, the loss of control he had felt because of her.

It made her feel heady with power; power she held over him, despite his aggression and dominance thus far.

Ben watched her, feeling her pleased emotions across their bond, and his mind eased. He reached down and placed a hand between her legs, feeling her jolt in surprise, but his intentions were not sexual.

"Lay still, my little padawan."

His murmur calmed her and she watched him close his eyes, bowing his head. Minutes later, she didn't know how many, Rey felt the soreness leave her, the lingering mementos of their rough dalliance.

She felt its loss keenly; Rey had welcomed the reminder, despite the pain it put her in. It would have changed her gait for a few days, raising questions she wouldn't have been able to answer if they had been asked.

Ben opened his eyes slowly, scanning her face for any hints of pain or disturbance, "Better?"

Even though he knew the answer, she still replied, turning to look at him, "Yes, thank you." She moved to kiss him, his lips plump and inviting, but sensed his reluctance as he made no move towards her.

Putting more distance between them, as much as they could get on a standard issue bed, she timidly asked, "What's wrong now?"

He smiled at her intuition, knowing that the question arose from her intelligence rather than the bond they shared. "I know what you said, about wanting… _this._ But Rey, I don't know what the future holds for me - or us. It frightens me."

The last word trailed off and she watched the softness of his face cloud over with a darkness only she seemed to be able to sense; she recognized it again as part of the mercurial nature of his birthright and sighed. But simultaneously, warmth shot through her heart at his confession of fear, never realizing how desperately she had wanted him to confide in her - truly confide in her.

Abruptly, her lips pressed hard against his, surprising him; but Ben welcomed them, his palms against her back, pressing her closer. He always wanted her closer to him, it was something that she now realized had always been a facet of their relationship. In training, he had always reserved his comments for when they were near each other, always favoring the close quarters combat training.

Ben had strived for a thorough education for Rey, but even in that his needs had shown themselves.

Rey pulled away reluctantly after a few minutes, her leg now tangled between his. "You don't have to go, you can stay. With me, the Jedi didn't want to cast you out, they would understand and take you back."

He sat up abruptly, not looking at her, "I can't stay here, Rey. You should understand that."

And she did, but as she sat up and ran her hand along his back, she couldn't help but feel selfish. She wanted him to stay for her, so they could be together. A tear she hadn't realized was there glided down her cheek, "Please don't leave me."

Ben felt anguish, though whether it was hers or his or both, he wasn't sure. He turned and captured her face in both hands, kissing her, softer than he ever had. His lips pulled against hers, begging them to open; when they did, his tongue wrapped around hers, gently sucking on it.

Her teeth clanked against his and she pulled away, averting her eyes from embarrassment; Ben understood, but instead of pushing her he pulled his hands away from where they had been entangled in her hair, moving to brush across her naked chest.

As his cool fingers brushed against a nipple, she felt her arms pull up, but Ben caught them again - a softer mirror of their earlier dance.

He pulled her hands to rest against his muscled chest, "I thought I told you not to cover yourself."

Rey shivered at his voice, there was no edge to it as there had been before, but the words still carried an implicit threat that made her more nervous.

Ben pressed his hands over hers, pushing them against where his heart lay, "You deserve much better than I have given you - will give you - Rey, but for now it seems I am graced by your favor."

There was a strong pulse under her fingertips and she flexed her fingers as he acknowledged her right to make her own choice, signaling that perhaps he no longer saw her as an untrained Force sensitive. No longer a little girl, on the brink of womanhood.

"I want _you,_ Ben. I might deserve better in your eyes, but I can handle myself - I can handle this." Rey looked at him as she spoke and saw him smile, only the energy between them - their bond - hinted at his sadness.

Ben pulled her hands to press against his neck and Rey was consumed by the speed of his pulse as he leaned in to kiss her again, "Apparently you can, my little padawan."

His nickname for her should have made her angry, indignant even, but instead it sent pulses of desire through her body and when his lips met hers she moaned encouragingly, pulling him with her as she fell back onto the bed.

It was different, this time, as she had hoped it would be - he was patient, showing her how to worship with her lips; she felt fear at this more so than from her first two sexual encounters. When his body pressed against her and she felt his hardness against her stomach, her body shuddered with a mixture of fear and desire.

"Rey," he spoke firmly as his face hovered over hers. "The fear you feel is my fault, but this dance is as old as the Force itself, your body knows the steps. Let me be your teacher. Trust me."

And she did, her eyes closed at his words, and she sighed as he peppered kisses down the front of her neck and throat, moving to her collarbone. Her legs shifted, pulling one up to rest beside his waist; her fingers twitched as the moved down his chest, dancing along the edges of his erection.

Ben's breath hitched and she felt it twitch as her hand closed around his dick; it wasn't an overtly sexual touch, but a curious one - Rey looked into his eyes as she felt the veins and ridges. He held his body perfectly still, letting her feel his arousal, and Rey was grateful for his patience. She grinned at him as she saw him clench his teeth and squeezed his dick in a teasing gesture.

"Rey, careful," the edge was back in his voice, but she wasn't scared of it. Right now, with her hands around his thick cock, Rey was certain she controlled him.

A loud growl escaped his throat and he thrust into her hands unexpectedly, her hands involuntarily clenching around his dick.

"Of course you control me, Rey," he bent down to lick her throat, "You own me, I can be yours."

As he latched onto and sucked her throat softly, the words replayed through her head; Rey felt heady, as if she had lost a lot of blood, when in reality it was the shock of her current situation. She pulled her hands away from his cock and brushed one into his hair, holding his head as he sucked her neck, his teeth biting deliciously into her skin.

Despite her years of pining, the juvenile desire that led to her forcing him to take her virginity, the vicious fuck earlier that was spurred by the fear of loss, she hadn't expected the Ben Organa-Solo to actually _want_ her.

Like this, with his lips against her neck and his fingers pressing between her legs making her moan unexpectedly. _I can be yours,_ he had said, and Rey groaned at the thought; it made her spread her legs wide for his fingers, and she felt him smile against her neck.

He pushed up on one elbow, his other arm between them, fingers teasing her entrance, "So you thought of me, like this?"

A large finger dipped between her pussy lips at the question, wetting itself in her arousal.

Rey bit her lip, slightly bashful at the confession, "Yes, the first time I touched myself was because of you."

He groaned her name at that and slid a finger inside of her, making her legs twitch as his thumb gently brushed against her clit. Apparently, he liked that thought - that she had masturbated for the first time to thoughts of him.

"It was after our first physical training session," she breathed the words as she watched his face drink them in. His thumb starting circling her clit lazily and she panted, "Your chest was bare from the heat. It wasn't the first time I had seen a man's chest, but yours was - I don't know, but it made me warm."

She couldn't continue, because he had slipped another finger inside, keeping the same agonizing pace as he listened to her story. Rey swallowed hard and looked at the ceiling, thinking of that moment.

"Tell me more," he commanded in that low voice. It was laced with curiosity and a feral desire that should have scared her but instead made her weak.

Licking her lips, she continued, "I ran back to my quarters and laid on my bed for a while, not sure what I was experiencing - but I kept feeling a pull in my lower abdomen, a wetness between my legs and-"

A third finger pushed inside of her and she cried out in surprise, but his face was stoically watching her still, so she continued.

"And I knew the basics - even in Nima the women whispered - and I pulled off my clothes. I remembering spreading my knees, placing my hand between my legs, my hips jumping as I touched my clit for the first time."

Ben let out a heavy breath and his thumb began circling her clit again, in a fast rhythm that took her by surprise, "Did you touch it like this?"

Rey just shook her head, her gaze now locked onto his, but before she could answer he kissed her again; she could feel the effect her words - actions - had on him, as he thrust his hips against her side in time with his fingers.

He spoke with his lips touching hers, "Did you dream of my fingers between your legs, little padawan? Did you want my thick cock pressing into you?"

She nodded furiously as they kissed again; the minutes his fingers had spent slowly moving inside of her had built a slow tug in her abdomen, but the pace had increased with the story and she now felt the tug burning inside of her.

"Ben, please," she begged against his lips after long minutes of ceaseless twisting and circling, her legs long having captured his hand between them, her body riding against it.

His thumb flicked rapidly against her clit and she was on the verge of tears that he seemed to devour in his pleasure, but when he ripped his mouth away from her and bit one of her nipples, his thumb pressed in on her clit at the same time and she clenched around his fingers.

His tongue flicked the nipple he held between his teeth at the same pace as his thumb pushed against her clit as she rode out the orgasm, her entire body was controlled by him as it convulsed.

Her legs had relaxed against the bed and her body was still, but his hand still rode the waves of her orgasm in leisurely strokes. Ben let her nipple go and licked it when she gasped from the pain.

Fingers finally pulled out of her, coated in musky-smelling liquid; he held them out in front of her, watching his fingers glistening in the low light of his room. His eyes locked with hers as he pulled the fingers into his mouth, sucking her juices off of them.

Rey wasn't sure what made her do it, but she pulled at his hand and rose to take a finger into her mouth, tasting herself on him. Her eyes closed at the experience; never before had she even remotely thought about doing this, but watching him suck her off his fingers had pulled at her.

Eyes watched her intently, his mouth slightly parted as she sucked his fingers clean, "You are perfect." He murmured this and she felt surprise along the bond, as if he hadn't meant to say anything.

Pulling his fingers out of her mouth, he kissed her again, diving deep immediately, sucking her tongue and swallowing her noises.

Rey felt his body move to hover over her and she thought once again how she should be frightened of how he seemed to completely dwarf her body. Legs parting for him on instinct, she felt his erection resting between her legs as he pressed against her.

He pulled up to rest on his knees, looking down at her prostrate body and she saw his abs twitch with the sight. Rey smiled at him, "You asked if I thought about your cock pressing into me that first time."

"And did you, my little padawan?" He gave her that cocky smile that she so loved and she sighed dreamily.

Rey pushed her hips up a little, "I did, I thought about your cock every time I touched myself. For almost three years, I dreamt of you fucking me. I wanted you so badly."

His hands gripped her thighs that pressed against his hips, "So badly that you forced yourself on me, mmm little padawan?"

She shook her head vigorously, "No, Ben! No, I just wanted to help you - save you."

Ben gripped his hard cock and stroked it as he spoke, watching her, "You didn't care how much I hurt you - how much pain you would be in - you wanted this cock so badly you were willing to risk your life."

He dragged the tip of his penis across her slit, wetting it, and she saw his abs clench, "Didn't you? You knew it was dangerous, but you had dreamt of this for so long - isn't that what you said? You begged me to _teach you."_

Rey felt tears build in the corner of her eyes, the need for him becoming almost painful, "Please, Ben…I need you." Her fingers clenched the sheets as she tried in vain to slide onto his cock from her position.

Ben stilled between her legs, the tip of his penis at her entrance, and he pushed slowly inside of her finally, "Yes, you do."

She sobbed in relief as he pushed into her, wrapping his arms around her knees, pulling them upward as he pressed the last few inches of his cock into her, filling her completely.

"Tell me what you want now, little padawan," he whispered into her ear, making her shudder.

She felt her body moving, slipping against him to acclimate to the intruder, and angled her hips up towards the ceiling, feeling his pelvis grind against her clit.

"Come on Rey, tell your master what you want," he cooed. "I'll give you the galaxy, you just have to ask."

The truth of his words rang through her body and the power thrilled her, tugged at her, "Make love to me, Ben."

Her words were out before she could fully process them, but she knew it was what she wanted more than anything - their encounters had been rough, animalistic, and she had loved them. But Rey wanted - in this moment - to be loved slowly, thoroughly.

They stunned Ben, who hadn't expected such a request, though he should have - with everything, he should have seen this before it happened. It struck him again how much she wanted him, however confusing that want was.

But he accepted it now, and he let her legs fall to her side, placing his now-free arms on either side of her chest. Bracing himself above her, he began to move slowly inside, the pace allowed Rey to feel every ridge of his cock.

Lips hit one of her breasts and began to suckle it, his tongue circling her nipple to the rhythm of his hips. Rey nearly wept at the gentleness, his thrusts soothing her as she gripped his hair in desperation.

He whispered words against her breasts, words she couldn't quite understand, but she understood the meaning. She ran her hands soothingly along his back and he groaned, rolling over and pulling her with him.

Hands gripped her hips as Ben settled her on top of him, "My little padawan, I want you to ride me."

Rey grinned at both the prospect and nickname, and she spread her knees further apart, grinding herself against him. "Yes Master Ben," she whispered.

He groaned at the title and started to lift her body up and down along his cock until she got the rhythm. Ben braced her hands on his chest and she began riding him, her hips jerking up and down erratically.

"That's it, Rey, use your hips, ride my cock like it was meant for you," his words were said with a fervor that made her shiver and she knew, felt, their truth. His cock was meant for her, and that thought made her slam down on him even harder, swiveling her hips to massage her clit.

She increased her rhythm and he pushed into her at the same pace, the force of their movements added more noises to their loud moans. Again, she felt she should probably be more concerned with how loud they were being, but right then she felt Ben's fingers slip between them to circle her clit and she screamed.

She felt her pussy contracting against him unexpectedly, another orgasm hitting her, but as her body stilled to ride it out, he held her hips firm and thrust rapidly into her. Her loud sighs and moans were punctured with each thrust, and she begged him not to stop. Ben groaned at that, the desperation in her voice, and slammed her hard against him one last time.

Rey felt the swell of his cock inside of her before he ejaculated inside of her, feeling the force of his cum fill her with each of his erratic spurts. Her body slid against his as he pulled her against him, both of them covered in sweat and the stink of their sex, "Ben." She murmured his name reverently, fingers running into his hair and kissed him longingly.

Despite their heavy breathing, they kissed for a few long minutes, both of them coming down from their high. Finally, Ben broke away and just wrapped his arms around her as she rested against him, her face on his chest.

"I hope that was exciting enough for you," he said humorously, "That's what it's normally like when one of the people isn't under some sort of spell."

She smiled, her body curled against him, "Something tells me this isn't what everyone experiences, Ben."

He was silent for a long time, his hand tracing lazy lines on her back; "No," he agreed, "This is different."

And he would know, Ben thought bitterly, he had spent years trying to get her out of his head - years fucking Syndra, another woman, in order to avoid his feelings. The act was the same, but every pull on his heart as he listened to her cries of pleasure - that was different. His fingers twirled a tendril of her hair and although he should have felt shame for his actions, instead he felt whole.

Ben waited as long as he could, but eventually he shifted her off of him and onto the bed and walked into the fresher. Rey made a few soft sounds of distaste for the change, but she could barely keep her eyes open. After a few minutes, he came back out with a wet cloth and wiped the traces of his semen off of her, smiling as she murmured unintelligible things as she lay half asleep.

Her sleepiness didn't last long, however, and she sat up to watch as he prepared to leave, dressing in unusual clothes.

"I've never seen those before," she asked quietly.

"They're in the high class style, it was a present from my mother," he spoke clearly and firmly, with little trace of the warmth she knew he could exude. "I'm leaving my robes here, of course."

Rey nodded and pulled her knees up to her chest, wondering how much she should ask of him - would they meet again, or was this all there was? Where was he going, what was his plan? How would she contact him even?

He heard all of these contemplations and when he finished buckling his dark robe he turned around, "I can feel your thoughts, Rey. Listen to me - it is very important that you do not use our bond except in emergencies."

"Why not?" She already felt empty at the thought of being so divided from him.

The clinking of metal on metal signaled he had strapped his lightsaber to his side once again, delaying the explanation. "The more we use it, the stronger it becomes - there is a downside to this bond, our personalities will bleed and the dominant Force user ends up taking over. It can be very dangerous, especially in times of injury - and death."

He sat down on the bed and rested a hand on top of hers, "It's my fault you're burdened with it, but I'll not make it worse - if you need me, I'll be here, but we can't afford to use it often."

Rey's eyes were filled with tears and she grit her teeth, shaking her head, "It's not fair. Why can't you stay? I need you here."

A feeling of shame punched him in the gut again, "It's not my path anymore, I have a different one now - yours is still here, with the Jedi. Even if I stayed, that wouldn't improve our chances of being together - even then, we would only have stolen moments. At least now, we can have them away from prying eyes."

His fingers ran through her hair, soothing her gently with his words, "So I'll be able to see you again?" Rey hated the desperation in her voice, the sniffles that she couldn't stop, but instead of laughing at her young foolishness, Ben just kissed tenderly, lingering on her lips.

"I won't be able to stay away from you. You and I have separate destinies, Rey, but they are intertwined. The Force has made its plans known - but we'll have to be patient, I don't know when I'll be able to see you again. But I will."

She gripped his hand tightly, her eyes almost frantic, "You promise?"

"I promise."

* * *

Ben slipped away, still hours left until dawn; he had left Rey sleeping peacefully, curled under one of his blankets. It was hard to leave, but knew they would meet again and soon - both of them would have enough to keep them busy and distracted until then.

In a way, he had Rey to thank for everything - he had grown tired of never being good enough for the Jedi, never being a _true_ Knight in their eyes. The whispers that had surrounded him since he was very young had never ceased, even though he was more than a generation removed from the evil that tainted his line. His mother and uncle had the advantage of being proven war heroes, something not available to him now that the Galaxy was at peace.

There was nothing to insulate him from the whispers, nothing that he could do to prove his worth. In the end, his dual nature became his natural balance; with Rey, he didn't seem to have to hide it - she certainly hadn't been afraid last night or the time before.

Ben smiled at the memory of her sliding against him, but he wiped his face clean of emotion as he stepped onto the walkway that led to the diplomatic quarters of Coruscant, prepared for anyone who would dare challenge why he was still present in the Academy.

He had dressed in robes his mother had given him one year; they were not the Jedi style he had spent decades in, but they were similar enough to bring comfort. They were mixed charcoal gray and black and floated around him, hiding the lightsaber that still rested against his hip.

They had not dared ask him to give it back. The council feared him, just as his peers always had, and Ben had reached his breaking point when they challenged his loyalty. He used the Force as it came to him, not as dark or light, and his uniqueness threatened their teachings. Teachings he would have willingly upheld - he had sacrificed much of his happiness to make sure that Rey was taught according to their preferences, to be a true Jedi.

He ran his hand through his hair as he climbed into the speeder that would take him to the diplomatic quarters, where his mother lived. He would have one night of peaceful slumber before the news reached her and he would have to deal with the political fallout of being the only Jedi to renounce the order since his grandfather.

It was going to bring trouble, but as his boots hit the marble floor taking him to his room he found he didn't care. There was a sense of freedom around him, but before he fell asleep he reached out to Rey across their bond, making sure she still slept peacefully.

It was her quiet warmth along their connection that lulled him to sleep.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Just vanilla with a hint of Reylo, happy Easter!


	6. predestined and great

_**There is some hour – like a cast off load –  
When our proud had been fully tamed.  
The learning hour – on each life-long road –  
Is predestined and great.  
-Marina Tsvetaeva**_

Ben woke to the sound of a door opening and opened his eyes, surprised to find one of his mother's assistants dropping off some food, "From the Senator, she said you would be hungry."

He waved her away without responding and sighed, throwing his arm across his face.

 _You knew you would have to face her._ A chuckle escaped him as her no-nonsense thoughts entered his mind; she was using their bond to communicate, and she didn't sound angry. He had told her not to use it, that it was too dangerous, but he missed her already and didn't have the heart to chastise her.

 _I know, I just…wish you were here with me while I did it._ He felt her surprise as he rolled out of bed, the air hitting his naked skin.

 _I thought you didn't like people._

 _I like_ you. He sighed, knowing he was giving a lot away, but at this point what did it matter? He had taken his padawan's virginity brutally, rejected her declaration of love, fucked her _again,_ and left the Order. Did it really matter that she might know the depth of his feelings for her?

There was no response and he felt nothing but her presence, so he moved to eat and get ready - if his mother already knew he was in his quarters, word had definitely reached her.

Ben wondered if his uncle had told her, or if she had been formally notified as a member of the Senate leadership. It didn't matter so much, but it would indicate how tenuous of a position he was in with her; their relationship had always been tense, especially since he had abandoned everything his parents wanted for him in pursuit of becoming a Jedi.

For the longest time, it had been all he wanted, but it was no longer a path that welcomed him. He tried not to be bitter, but it seemed to wrap around him like a blanket.

He shook off the ill thoughts and attempted to center himself before stepping into the living quarters where his mother was surely waiting. Deep breaths washed everything away and he found again that he was grateful for the Jedi training, despite how it ended for him; it calmed his mind.

"Ben, I've given you long enough, come out please."

His mother's voice rang out on the other side of the door and he smirked; she was never very good at waiting on people. Princess Leia Organa waited for no one, and Senator Organa was no different despite the title change; if anything, it made it worse.

Ben stood up and waved his hand to open the door, remembering darkly how he used to be chastised for it - inappropriate use of the Force, Luke used to say. Personally, he thought it was a pretty tame use of it, compared to running shocks through Rey's body to bring her to orgasm. But then, Jedi weren't supposed to do _that_ either.

Swallowing the desire the memories brought to life, he finally searched for his mother and found her sitting gracefully on the couch.

"Mother," he spoke clearly, but with little emotion. Ben Organa-Solo was not known for his warmth, even towards his family.

Leia sighed, "Ben, what is going on? Luke told me what you did - you always wanted to be a Jedi, what's wrong?"

He walked towards her, taking a seat in the chair next to her and ran his fingers through his hair, "I wanted to be trained, to not ignore what was inside of me the way you did; but it turns out the Jedi are just as untrusting as anyone I've met. And just as unwelcoming."

He took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes, "I gave them twenty years of my life, and with one accusation - with no proof - they wanted to take it all away from me. They didn't trust me, so they don't deserve me. I won't be their slave."

Leia sat back, absorbing the words of her son; he had never really fit in with people and despite her reservations about the path, she had hoped he would find peace in the Order. Instead he found more instability; in her silence he continued to speak.

"I wanted to honor our family's legacy - our blood, our gift, but it seems I can't even do that properly in their eyes."

"Oh Ben, being a Jedi isn't our only legacy," she spoke softly, remembering everything she had read about her mother. Luke had told her a little, what he learned from Obi-Wan - including her name. When the Empire had been abolished, she had spent time reading about the other side of her family.

Ben looked confused and she smiled, taking his hand, "Your grandfather was Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi and later Sith, yes. But your grandmother was Padme Amidala, a great diplomat from Naboo. She was one of their youngest elected Queens and later a Senator; she was a great freedom fighter. She just chose to do it with words rather than the Force."

Processing the information, he buried his head in his hands, "I never knew anything about her - never even thought to ask - no one even remembers her."

Leia was silent in her agreement - much of the former Republic's history had been lost in the turmoil of the Empire and again she felt the loss of a mother she had never known. She watched her son, his body wracked with the collapse of his persona; she suspected that not much had changed in the years since he had ceased to live with her and Han - still the little boy that hid his feelings fervently.

Ben felt her eyes on him and his resentment threatened to shatter his calm, but instead he focused on what she had told him. He immediately felt a kinship to his grandmother and her story - not that people would ever love him the way they loved her, but she was a warrior in other ways - and utterly forgotten by history.

"What are your plans, Ben?" His mother's voice sounded concerned and he fought to contain the bitter laughter. He couldn't hate her, he respected her too much - but when he remembered lonely nights spent in an empty apartment, the chagrin threatened to overwhelm him.

"I don't have any, leaving the Order wasn't exactly planned. I don't know if I'm even valuable anywhere else," his honesty surprised her and she relaxed against the couch, contemplating her next suggestion.

It was an unusual situation, to be sure, and there would be a lot of push back, but still she spoke, "I may have need of you here."

Ben's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Here? In the Senate - politics?"

The idea was absolutely laughable; the man who was a perpetual outcast, feared by even the Jedi, involved in an arena that fed on cordial smiles and popularity.

"Yes, the Senate is concerned about the Jedi Order still - considering that Force users were at the root of most of the recent struggles," even if it had been thirty years since the toppling of the Emperor, the galaxy had spent a good amount of time afterward split apart. It was only recently that the Senate had been rebuilt.

"Well I doubt they would appreciate a rebel Force user in their ranks, then," he said with derision.

She ignored him and continued explaining, "The Council and your Uncle have been adamant about maintaining their independence from the Senate's influence, preferring to focus on their…religion."

The last word was said with confusion, as if she knew they didn't refer to it as such - but that's what she thought of it. Leia's knowledge of the Force and the Jedi was limited, despite her lineage; the one thing she knew for certain was that the Jedi believed in peace over anger.

Ben huffed, "What would we do as Jedi if not to serve the galaxy and the Republic?" His words were laced with derision and venom and it took Leia by surprise; still, she spoke confidently.

"That's the problem, there is no one that completely comprehends what the Jedi Order _is_ \- who is also willing to help be a liaison for the Senate. We need a representative, and the Council has forbidden one of their own to get involved in the politics of the galaxy."

She stood up then and walked towards her desk, pulling a holodisk off of it; it contained info about a new threat that was hovering in the Unknown Regions, outside of her control. Leia handed it to her son and he just waited for her to explain, showing patience she didn't know he had.

"That is information on a organization currently known as the First Order. We don't know much about them, other than that they operate quietly on the outskirts of our territory - and they are bitter about the Empire's downfall." She paused and held Ben's eyes, gauging if he was ready for such a political mission, "Read it, and tell me what you think."

Ben flipped it over in his hand, staring at the information disk, "What do you want me to do?"

"Be the Senate's Force user advisor - if the Jedi won't allow a representative from them, you will do. You are uniquely qualified - you will act as liaison between the Jedi Council and the Senate as well as act independently on information gathering and conflict advising."

She let her words hang there, not sure if this is what he would want - but even knowing there would be push back from her colleagues, Ben really was a perfect fit.

It would keep him close to the Jedi, which he loathed, but remembering Rey's tears as he left her, Ben closed his fist around the device and looked at his mother, "Alright, I'm in."

* * *

The next morning, Rey had woken up cold and alone in her Master's old bed, his clothes still laying on the floor. He had never allowed droids in his room without express permission, and she was incredibly grateful to not have to explain her presence.

For all she knew, they would lock her down as an intruder and she would wind up having to explain her state of disarray and his clothes. Ben would never allow them to persecute her because he had been her padawan, but she was fairly certain that clear evidence of an improper relationship would force their hand.

She stretched her legs across the bed, suddenly seeming so much larger without his presence, and felt the ache between her thighs that had settled in after he had healed her. It had been a neat trick, one he had never taught her - what else had he been hiding from her?

She stood under the falling water of the fresher, missing already the scent he had left behind on her skin; never before had she been with anyone in that way, so she didn't have anything to compare it to, but surely what they had was unusual. The way he looked at her as she hovered over him, her hips moving tentatively at first, the way his lips captured hers - so deliberate, but ravenous.

Rey wasn't sure what to make of the Ben Solo she had come to know, but as she walked out of his room the following morning, eyes everywhere watching her questioningly, she was absolutely certain no one would ever want to understand.

* * *

"Rey, it is my duty to inform you that your previous teacher has left the Jedi Order," Master Skywalker was speaking with her as they walked the corridor to a meditation garden. "I know you were fond of him, but you are now a Jedi Knight and as such will begin independent missions."

Rey nodded solemnly as she had been taught, but inside her stomach was turning with excitement - not only did they not suspect what she and Ben had done, they wanted to send her on missions!

He continued, "You will also now train with other Jedi Knights and the Council members, to grow in strength both together and independently."

It was hard not to stumble, not expecting that she would be required to do such things - it left her vulnerable, especially with her bond to Ben. She would not be able to hide being so intricately connected to him if the other Jedi spent too much time with her; his presence wrapped around her like a shroud, even now.

To Rey, it was incredibly comforting, but to the other Jedi they would only see it as a taint from the outcast and possible dark side user.

"Of course, Master Skywalker. I would be honored," she replied quietly and demurely.

He nodded and gestured for her to follow him into the meditation garden, where the other Jedi were already deep in trance.

Rey crossed her legs and dove deep into herself; meditation had not been something Ben was ever particularly interested in, but it had been an invaluable tool to calm and center herself. Knowing that, he had emphasized it greatly in their daily sessions - for all the Jedi talked about him not being trustworthy, he had always been an incredible teacher.

 _Up until the point I fucked you,_ he said sardonically, reminder her that if they chose they could feel each other's thoughts with ease.

 _Shh, I'm trying to concentrate._ Rey admonished him and felt him retreat, leaving her to unravel the complexities of her current situation and mind.

* * *

Later that day, exhausted from her exercises, she found her feet taking her in the opposite direction of her usual quarters.

"Rey! Where are you going?" Her friend Finn called out to her and she turned around, frowning.

"Sorry?"

He gestured towards the other corridor of rooms, "That's not where your room is, are you okay?"

Rey's eyes followed his hand gesture and realized he had been pointing towards the hallway where Ben's room was, a current of energy ran through her and straightened her shoulders.

"Yeah, yeah - just really tired, you know, for an old man Master Skywalker is incredibly energetic."

She laughed, hoping to distract him from piecing together why she would have been walking towards Ben's room. But Finn knew better, there had been rumors circulating today - ones that he had tried to simultaneously ignore and understand.

"Rey, I thought you should know - people have been talking and-"

She looked at him blankly, eyes slowly blinking, "Talking about what?"

Finn continued earnestly, hoping to help his friend, "Look, we all know what Ben is like - there are rumors that you stayed with him last night. I know he's dangerous, Rey, the Council doesn't make accusations like that lightly - I'll protect you."

Rey nearly laughed - but at the idea that she might need protection or that Finn even _could_ protect her from someone like Ben, she wasn't sure. Irritation flickered over her, but she pushed it away knowing it came from Ben.

"Finn, nothing happened. I'm fine. I was just asked to gather his things to send to his mother." She pushed by him, hoping that would be a sufficient answer, but Finn still stood there.

"Rey - people _heard_ things. It's okay to tell someone."

Spinning around, she looked at him with her eyebrows raised, crossing her arms across her chest defensively, "Tell someone what exactly?"

Finn looked away, finding it hard to answer her question. After a long silence, she spun on her heel and left him there. As much as she appreciated his concern, the last thing she wanted was someone else who had to keep their secret.

 _He will inform on you to the Council, Rey. He is a traitor._

Rolling her eyes, she pulled off her clothes and climbed back into his bed. _You think the worst of people._

Ben's emotions were turbulent, but at the accusation or what was happening around him she couldn't tell yet. _It is a gift._

She curled her naked body under his blanket, pulling her knees almost up to her chest, _This bed has too much room without you here._

There was no response, but she didn't expect one. It was too close to a real discussion, and though Rey had been quite open about her feelings, she knew that Ben would avoid the topic at all costs.

Nonetheless, she missed him and desired his attention, so she found her hand wandering down the side of her stomach and hips. Remembering.

A warning flashed in her mind, his presence guarded, _Rey…_

Grinning wickedly, she rolled onto her back and began groping her breast, _Yes, Ben?_

He didn't respond, because at the same time she pinched her nipple and felt a gasp from him; Rey wondered if he had felt it.

 _I feel it. I feel your…response. Your pleasure._ He seemed to speak rather reluctantly and she pouted, thinking it meant the words about seeing each other again had been platitudes.

But she pushed those thoughts away and focused, bringing both hands to her breasts now, palming them until her nipples stood erect and her skin pebbled in desire. Even though most of her experience was with herself, Rey knew that anticipation of desire was sometimes more potent than the fulfillment.

Images came to her - long forbidden desires rushing towards her as she thought about Ben's large hands pressing against her chest, the pressure making her gasp. Her legs pressed together as her fingers pulled at her nipples, remembering the way his mouth had sucked at them, making obscene suckling noises.

A groan echoed in her mind and she remembered that this was just as much about torturing and reminding Ben as it was her pleasure. He saw him gripping his chair harshly, his mind split between focusing on the men arguing in front of him and the feelings he was enduring from her.

 _Rey,_ he cautioned. _I'm with…people._

She just chuckled and pulled a nipple roughly; this was a new experience, and surely not one that the Force had ever intended for them to have, but if they were to be bonded then she was going to have a little fun along the way.

 _For someone so limited in experience, you seem to quite enjoy the game._ He growled out and she felt him bite his lip as her hand slipped between her legs, feeling the hot liquid that slicked them.

Annoyed, she snipped at him, _I had two years to think of nothing but ways to have sex with you, seduce you. Believe me, this is just the tip of what I want from you._

She sobbed as her fingers grazed over her aroused clit, feeling desperate - needing his mouth and teeth on it instead. It was all she could do to stop the flow of tears as she circled it; the pain from not being enough - not being _him_ \- hit her so violently that she nearly stopped.

But he growled and she felt the chair handle crack a bit in his anger, _You are_ _ **not**_ _to stop. If I cannot be there to suck on you, then you must do it for me._

Rey cried out still, needing more pressure, so she rolled over, her arm now trapped between the bed and her stomach. The added pressure to her circling fingers made her spread her legs wider, the cool air hitting her pussy and clit once more, making her groan into the pillow that was filled with his scent still.

Images projected into her mind, of him laying on top of her, pressing her into the bed to the point where she could barely breathe. _You would enjoy this position, Rey. What your fingers could do pales in comparison to my cock. I could slip in so deep like that - you wouldn't even have the strength to hold yourself up and I would hold your arms as I fucked you._

The thoughts nearly manifested into reality, she could feel a pressure against her back and forgetting her clit she inserted three fingers without warning, loudly shouting at her carelessness and pain. The pace wasn't fast, but instead agonizingly slow, almost lazy. He whispered filthy things to her that made her other hand nearly rip the sheets in desperation.

 _I need you._ She wept as she continued fucking herself slowly, her hips rolling ever so slightly into her hand, imagining his torturous vision.

 _I said I would see you again, my little padawan, but you couldn't stay away could you?_ He chastised her and instead of being annoyed, it simply goaded her into increasing her space, spreading her knees further against the bed.

Rey knew he wasn't unaffected, could feel him palming his erection from where ever he was. _Did you know I am with Senators, Rey? I desire you so much that I'm imagining fucking you right here in front of them._

A muffled sob echoed as she cried into the pillow, bringing the edge of her palm to massage her clit in response. _Oh, you like that don't you? Do you like that I want to take my cock out right now and stroke it for you, or do you simply_ _ **crave**_ _the idea of me taking you as they watched? Are you a little exhibitionist, my little padawan?_

She was breathing heavily, nearly delirious with pleasure as her insides burned and her mind stretched open, bombarding them both with her feelings.

 _I want you all to myself, Rey. No one else can have you, but I might let them watch. What do you think about that, my filthy girl?_

"Ben!" She screamed as she felt the beginning of her orgasm, and her hand clawed the wall as she pulled herself up, kneeling on the bed and fucking her hand, rolling her hips as he had shown her just a night ago. It was a poor excuse for the size of his cock and the weight of him, and the intense dark eyes that never let her go, but still she felt her release crest over her.

Loud moans ripped from her and she felt her pussy contract around her fingers, fresh liquid coating them. Ben's presence in her mind seemed quiet, as if he was merely waiting for her to be done instead of being controlled by his desire.

Panting, she pulled her fingers out and rested them against the wall, her forehead resting against them.

 _Lick yourself clean, Rey._

The command hit her and she frowned, not understanding how that was possible, but he showed her images of him sucking her fingers clean and she understood. She brought her shaking hand to her mouth and lifted a finger, tasting her cum tentatively. It had been warm, but was now rapidly cooling; the taste of it was irrelevant to the deliciously deviant nature of it.

She felt him laugh darkly, _Oh Rey, my love. You and I have so much more to discover. Your desires will be more deviant, I can assure you._

Rey wondered how he felt so sure that she would be just as filthy as he was, but when she remembered his invitation to fuck her in front of the Senators her body grew warm again. Her dreams and fantasies of him she thought had always been pretty kinky, but Rey was rapidly discovering that the depth of her desires might be just as dark as Ben's.

 _Remember my promise, Rey._

* * *

Ben felt her withdraw into sleep and sighed, his erection still twitching under his robes. That had certainly been a new experience - she was testing the limits of their bond, opening it more, projecting thoughts and desires onto him. Teasing him. It was only be sheer force of will that he had turned it on her, maintained his calm in front of the arguing Senators before him.

"We simply cannot have it," a nameless angry Senator growled the same sentiment for a fourth time. "This sets a dangerous precedent - what makes you think the Jedi would have anything to do with an _outcast,_ anyway? _"_

Ben sat calmly at the oval table, listening to the gathering of diplomats and his mother bicker about him and his new role. It had barely been a day since leaving the Jedi, and he was already inadvertently making more people angry.

His hands were clasped lightly across his stomach, inordinately calm for someone who had just felt his lover's orgasm across the planet. As he watched fingers and hands gesturing wildly, he noted his mother's surprisingly calm center. Ben wondered how his grandmother would have reacted to this - in her time, the Jedi had been adamantly neutral and apolitical.

Or at least, they had tried to be. Ultimately their inaction had played a part in the downfall of the Republic, and he couldn't understand why they were trying to follow the same path even now.

"You should show me a little more respect, Senator." His voice cut through the ire coldly, and the room went silent; Ben didn't even know their names, but was tired of their drivel. His mother watched him carefully.

"Excuse me?"

He sighed, waving his hand nonchalantly, "The Jedi are small, but our power is not to be disrespected. Though I am no longer part of their Order, I am by far the strongest of my kind. You should show a little more respect."

Eyes avoided him suddenly, the room filling with a threatening pressure, "Are you threatening us, young Organa-Solo?"

A brave woman spoke and he met her gaze for a long time, "I am simply stating facts. By denying your legislature the opportunity to work with the Jedi, you are weakening the galaxy. It is the Jedi way, to be peacekeepers and neutral."

"You don't even follow the Jedi anymore, they won't listen to you."

He stood up slowly, almost menacingly, "The only reason I am no longer with them is because they failed to respect me and my loyalty. Do not make the same mistake."

With that, he had said enough and walked out, the silence from the room was stunning and Ben reveled in the power he had over them. They feared him, but instead of taking it personally as he had for so long with the Jedi, instead he let it fuel him.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Well, this didn't go exactly as planned, but I feel like it worked out alright! For those of you wondering, the Ben Organa-Solo aspect of this story was partly inspired by Arriku's amazing fanart of him, complete with purple lightsaber =D Be sure to check it out! arriku-tumblr-com post/139683805187/warmup-sketch-amidala-bens

Thank you all for your thoughts and support as I blunder my way through this weird story!


	7. in the garden of sin

" _ **It isn't normal to know what we want. It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement."  
― Abraham Maslow**_

The clatter of training sabers echoed through the open gallery and Rey ground her teeth as she missed Finn _again._ It had been like this all day, they were working through the various forms and training routines for them, but nothing seemed to be working the way she hoped. Finn rarely got the better of her, but the bruises on her skin would remind her of what a distracted mind could bring you.

The Jedi taught peace, serenity, a calm mind to withstand the darkness of the Force so that it did not consume you. They had numerous rules that seemed strict upon first glance, but as she took another hit from Finn to her midsection, Rey grudgingly had to admit that perhaps they had a point.

Being so _involved_ with someone emotionally could leave you distracted and vulnerable.

Ben hadn't spoken to her willingly in the few days after their unusual tryst, but for once she knew it wasn't anything to do with them; despite his silence, she could still feel his emotions. Anger seeped through him and shrouded her own mind, making her more quick to snap; despite her concern for him, she kept the silence.

He had initially been very adamant about using the bond sparingly, and despite her arguments and his slip ups with it, Rey was trying to respect his wishes and fears. And so she kept quiet, staying out of his mind - giving him the privacy he apparently desperately needed.

Still, despite all their control, they could not control it while they slept. She had reprogrammed the droids who assigned rooms to give her Ben's, since becoming a Jedi meant you got to sleep in a different hallway. His was the only room she wanted, but knew that asking would look suspicious.

So she did a bit of work on the assignment order and now she was allowed to sink into his bed on a nightly basis without anyone questioning why she was sleeping in a different room than assigned. Her run in with Finn had been worrisome, and as much as she tried not to care about what her peers thought…it was still breaking the code that they cherished so much.

Wincing, she was reminded why the code existed in the first place. But it was hard to care when every night their minds brought them to each other in their dreams. They weren't charged, just soothing; as if subconsciously their bodies knew that all they needed was to lay near each other in an embrace.

Rey was surprised that Kylo would be okay with this, even subconsciously; all of their interactions thus far could have been categorized into either sex or teaching. They rarely talked.

* * *

Ben paced in his private quarters, his outer robes had been ripped away and thrown to the floor in frustration. They feared him, he fed on it, but they still locked him out - the Senators greedily clutched at their power instead of welcoming Ben into the fold.

He could do so much for them, if only they would _see._ A warmth pushed against his mind and he recognized Rey's presence, silent but concerned. Her silence the past week had made him feel empty in a way that nothing else did - not even when his parents would leave him as a boy.

 _Ben. Go to sleep._ He stopped short at her command, knowing that it was code for _let me make you feel better,_ because while they didn't use the bond during the day actively, his nights were filled with vivid dreams, waking up with painful erections to take care of.

Not that he minded, but having masturbated to thoughts of Rey for years when she was too young to touch - too forbidden - it was difficult to find absolute pleasure in it anymore. It just pushed it back for an hour or two.

The silence had stretched awkwardly as his mind weighed her suggestion; it was still early in the evening, and the idea of only his hands touching him for one more night was not ideal.

Rey should stay away from him, he knew this, knew that nothing good would come from it despite how she purported to love him. Fanciful dreams of being Jedi together, he bitterly shook his head.

 _Meet me in the Senate gardens. Now._ He was impatient, but the way her emotions jumped as he commanded showed him she was no different. Ben could feel her glare at his impatience and command, but she still replied with an eager acceptance.

Ben turned, spreading his dark outer robe along his shoulders; as eager as he was to see her, he knew leaving the quarters in anything less than immaculate dress would cause a stir. Politics could be so vicious and Ben had no intention of losing the game.

The Senate Gardens were private only to the select group of Senators who provided tithes for its upkeep, his mother being one of them. While that didn't mean Ben could enter himself, it certainly meant that it would be one of the most private meeting spots they could have. No one watched the doors, and unlocking them was just a simple wave of the hand.

He was there far quicker than it would have taken Rey to duck out and join him, so he stood in front of the door and leaned against the edge, crossing his arms in front of him. Ben's outward demeanor scared anyone off, and if they didn't immediately turn away from seeing him, once they locked eyes with his they turned and left.

He was just watching some lowly servant skittering away at a near running pace when he felt her presence nearby; he stood straight and turned towards the persistent tug.

Rey stood there in her cream-colored Jedi robes, her hair in the three-bun style she had always worn. Ben forced himself to stand still, though his instincts were to walk towards her and take her in his arms. Instead he only offered her a nod of the head towards the doors, a command to follow, but he knew she would be able to feel his thoughts and emotions and hoped it would make up for the icy greeting.

When she finally walked in, Ben sealed the doors shut quickly and grabbed her, leaning down to press a hard kiss against her lips.

"I missed you," he ground out, as if it pained him to tell her this - to show _weakness._ Rey pressed her hands on his shoulders and looked up at him, knowing their dreams would never do this view justice.

"I can tell - this is very dangerous, Ben," Rey pulled away reluctantly and took in the view from where they stood at the garden entrance. In a place like Coruscant, plants and greenery were rare and almost always private - the Jedi themselves kept a garden much like this one, though smaller.

They were flanked on both sides by plants with purple flowers that towered above even Ben, rustling a little with the soft fabricated breeze. There was a dome covering above them, providing them an unobstructed look at the night sky - no speeders, just the stars. It reminded her of Jakku a little, if she ignored all the green.

The path was pebbled with small rocks that rolled as she shifted her stance a little, but Ben finally spoke after minutes of watching her take in their surroundings.

"Come, I'll show you where I spend most of my time here." His hand instinctively moves towards her, begging her to accept it, but he pulled it away before Rey could. Ben hadn't anticipated this - how awkward it could be to be around her again in any casual capacity; what they experienced was intense and unnatural, and the more he encouraged the emotional attachment the worse it would get for them.

But he was the one inviting her to this place, just so he could see her again - feel her skin around him. It was selfish, but then of course it was - he had spent decades curbing the urge to put himself first; that wasn't a Jedi trait, his Uncle had said, Jedis think of others before themselves.

He had been successful for the most part, but all of his defenses and resistances seemed to be eroding away with Rey and Ben didn't know how to control the descent.

Without an explanation for his behavior, he turned away from her and towards the path that led further into the garden; Rey understood what he needed and was silent as she followed him, taking in the various shades of green and all the colors that surrounded them as she passed.

"How has your training for the Jedi trials been going?" His voice was low and it jolted her in her stomach, a quick reminder of how beholden she seemed to be to him. Rey wondered if it was the same for him, but wasn't sure how to ask.

Instead she focused on the question, "I haven't exactly…started yet?"

The question in her answer made him stumble a bit in surprise, but he recovered; Ben chose to stay silent as he led them to a small grassy area with a bench overlooking some sort of memorial.

"What is this place?" Rey asked as he slowed to a stop and she looked around, brushing her hand against the marble monument that was wrapped in green vines.

"A small memorial, for Senators who fell during the Galactic Empire's regime change."

There was something pointed in his tone and she looked at him, question implied.

Ben sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "It represents both sides of my family - in a political way, not bound by the Force. My grandmother was…a Senator from Naboo when it happened."

Rey walked towards him and took the hand that was clenched at his side; he rarely spoke of his family, but this felt bigger, "What happened to her?"

"My grandfather killed her," his eyes searched hers for the sign of horror and revulsion he knew would come. He did not come from a line of good.

Instead, he felt her fingers lace into his and he gripped them desperately, the only external sign of his fear; she felt his mind racing, thoughts too close to catch.

Ben stared at the memorial and continued, bolstered by her support, "When Anakin…turned, he saw betrayal at every turn. Obi-Wan, you know that story…but no one knows about Padme. She was heavily pregnant with my mother and Uncle at the time, and he…choked her."

Rey couldn't help but let a gasp escape, covering her mouth with her free hand, "Surely not?"

The dark haired man looked at her and she felt the tipping of the Dark side, "He saw her as a traitor, because she was on Obi-Wan's side. When Obi-Wan found them, Anakin had her in a force choke. She died shortly after giving birth."

A few minutes passed, Rey rubbed small circles on his hand with her thumb, and Ben just ran his hand across the stone. "No one talks about her anymore, hardly anyone knows her story beyond that she died as a casualty of war. I don't want to be forgotten like she was."

"You won't be forgotten, Ben. You have a family who loves you, and you have me. I won't forget you."

Her words were impassioned, but her cheeks reddened slightly at imposing her place in his life. Ben just squeezed her hand in thanks, but finally pulled away and took out his lightsaber.

"Why aren't you training for the trials, Rey? They're important for your future, you have to prove yourself."

Rey scowled that the conversation had turned to him chastising her, "I'm not your apprentice anymore, _Ben._ You don't get to judge me for not doing things the way you think I should."

"Don't I?" Ben raised an eyebrow at her, the rest of his face completely placid.

"We're equals now - you can't tell me what to do," Rey knew she sounded like a petulant child, but couldn't help herself. It had only been a week since he had left her, and he expected her to just pick up training with someone else that easily?

Ben felt her emotions and recognized the turmoil there, "We're not equal in the eyes of the Jedi until you complete your training, but you have always been an equal to me despite our rank. You need to find a training partner."

He hesitated, loathing the suggestion before he even spoke of it, but knew it was the best option, "Finn is a good match for you, I'm sure he would willingly be your training partner for it. It can even be mutually beneficial - he's to take it soon as well, I bet."

Rey groans at his suggestion, "I've _been_ sparring with Finn. I can't concentrate, nothing is the same - everything feels wrong."

"Because I'm not there," he said with certainty, feeling it across their bond.

She nods, "Yes, I don't know what's wrong, but it's like my body won't focus unless I'm working with you."

A purple light flared, lighting up his face in the glow, "Well you still have to train, so if you can only work with me for now - then let's begin."

Rey was shocked, seeing his body slinking into a defensive form, waiting for her decision. "But I thought…I mean, that's not why we're here-"

He dropped his saber to his side and walked up to kiss her softly, but briefly, "I want you. Always. It's something I can't get away from and it makes me reckless. But I won't allow what I've done to you - to us - to distract you from your future. So, let's practice."

He took a few steps back and she pulled her own lightsaber out, the twin beams activating at the same time. The dark yellow light mixed with his purple, two unique colors that promised trouble. The Force had whispered to her when the kyber crystal had warmed and changed in her hand, warning her of the path she would walk.

Rey wasn't sure what or who she was being warned against, but as she advanced upon him and his blade hissed against hers, she couldn't imagine a scenario where it would be Ben. Despite all the evidence to the contrary.

She hadn't sparred with her own lightsaber yet, keeping it hidden from the others for fear of their judgment and knowing glances. Unlike earlier when she had fumbled around the forms with Finn, Rey slipped into her symbiotic relationship with the Force and she and Ben danced along the path of green.

Ben shouted out different forms for her to switch to, practicing her agility - the forms existed to adapt to circumstances in battle and if Rey didn't understand how they all flowed together in a real fight she would be lost. He couldn't have that, that wasn't her destiny.

As always, she marveled at the way he commanded the Force around him - he was one of the most skilled fighters living, but what made him legendary was the way he used his powers to manipulate the terrain around them.

Battling another Force user was always interesting, because a Jedi's instincts were honed from being able to anticipate the future - which way an opponent would move. Sparring with another of that kind meant there was a greater need for creativity - something that Rey came to naturally, as a result of years on her own scavenging.

Battling another Force user who was also _bonded_ to you was another matter entirely; they couldn't block each other out and as a result their minds and emotions flowed as one, with Rey barely being in control of her own body. She didn't know which one of them was consumed by awe and love, but it was likely her - his affection could not be called such a great thing as love.

After nearly half an hour of sparring, she finally caught a break in their back and forth; they were back in the small grassy area and she spotted the bench before he did, and moved it into his path as she backed him towards it.

Ben's legs hit it unexpectedly and as his arm pushed back to catch himself, she took the opportunity of an easier grip to call his saber to her. Before he hit the ground, he saw her standing with two lightsabers resting on the side of her body, chest panting and face in awe.

His head hit the ground again, a loud and resigned sigh escaping, "Well that's not the most embarrassing way to lose a fight, but it's close."

The sound of the lightsabers deactivating echoed into the sudden silence, no more slight hissing of colored lasers, just the heavy breathing of two Jedi.

A hand pushed in front of him and he took it, hauling himself up with her strength, "Still think I need to train for my trials?"

An incredulous look crossed his face as he grabbed his saber from her hand and attached it to his belt, "Of course. If you can't focus enough to practice with others, how do you think the tests will go? I won't be there for those, Rey."

She swallowed, watching him sit on the bench, head resting against his hands to catch his breath.

"Does anyone even come here? We must've been at it for nearly an hour." Rey felt his smirk before she saw it and rolled her eyes. "Not like _that."_

He held his hand out to her and she immediately took it, drawn to him always. Ben placed his hands on her hips as she stood between his legs, for once he had to look up at her to talk.

"Was that what you needed Rey?" His voice was lower and eyes glazed over, chest still breathing hard at their exertion.

Rey's breath caught at his forward question, but gave him a serious answer anyway. "It's not the forms or training I missed practicing with you - I missed you, Ben."

She chewed her lip in concern at being so direct, but to her surprised he just nodded as if he knew. He lifted her by her hips and she naturally spread her legs, resting in his lap with her knees on either side.

"I've been…frustrated…with my new role. I know you've felt it, that you stayed away to let me process," Ben's hands were gripping each other's behind her, just resting there as he spoke; his eyes looked past her towards something inconsequential. "And I realize that I've missed you, too. Being here, I mean."

Because they were always there, thanks to the bond, but it was no replacement for her presence; she understood and smiled, brushing his hair behind his ears and pecking his lips.

Ben couldn't hold back after that, though, tired of talking about his fears and emotions, and pressed her down against his hips, deepening the kiss. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer towards her, teeth pulling against his bottom lip.

He growled and bucked into her and she shuddered at the hard press of his erection; her lips moved away from his and peppered kisses down to his neck where she began sucking lightly. His large hands crushed her chest against his and she began grinding against him, biting his neck in time with the rocking.

Ben's body was stock still, helpless and panting at her actions; his lips tickled the ridge of her ear as he spoke, "Little Rey, what have you discovered in my absence? What other desires have you been plagued by?"

She shuddered and her movements halted, and Rey pulled back from her place on his now-bruised and reddened neck to look at his cocky smile. Rey grinned wickedly at him as she shimmied off of his lap; this had not been his intention and he was not pleased by the development until she knelt in front of him.

"Rey…" he said haltingly, remembering the last time she had done this - when he had forced it on her. In response, she projected her thoughts onto him, memories of endless fantasies starring Ben Organa-Solo and his padawan, Rey.

As her fingers went to loosen his belt, Ben groaned, feeling helpless as she pulled down his pants to watch his dick spring free. A strange noise erupted from his throat when he saw her lick her lips as she stared at it.

Rey hadn't spent a lot of time getting to know his dick, since it was mostly always inside of her when Ben brought it out to play. There was the one time - her first time - but she hadn't had time to properly savor and appreciate it then, desperate as they had been.

But they had time now, the desperation having been replaced with a low burning and omnipresent passion; she took it in one hand, testing how much she could grip - and finding she could barely grip it properly with one hand. The tip was already glistening with pre-cum and her other thumb grazed against it and she was rewarded with a jerk of his hips and a strangled groan.

The hand that gripped it firmly twisted a little, bringing it along the length of his dick as she twisted; it was softer than she had thought it would be, with ridges breaking up the smooth length. Tentatively, she leaned in to lick the tip of it softly, the flat length of her tongue running from the bottom to the top of it in one long movement.

"Stars, _Rey please,"_ she saw the way Ben gripped at the fabric resting on either side of him and grinned at the power she had. It wasn't something she sought, but couldn't deny the pleasure she got from knowing he was squirming for her, begging _her._ His padawan apprentice.

She pulled away, keeping one hand twisting and gliding along his dick as she stared into eyes that begged her to do _more._ This time, as she leaned in and licked the underside of his cock she was jolted by a feeling of even more intense pleasure and after a moment she realized was feeling his own.

Rey was experiencing Ben's pleasure across the bond. "The Force is an interesting thing."

"Rey, this is _not_ the time for philosophical discussion. _Please."_ His voice was strained and she knew he was letting her set the pace, so Rey wrapped her lips around his cock for the first time and Ben's head fell back in pleasure.

The taste of his pre-cum barely registered as she ran her tongue around his shaft as her mouth pulled more of it into her. The little sucking noises that she made as her lips opened and closed around it made Ben sob as he watched her suck his dick. Rey enjoyed listening to his pain and feeling the way his body squirmed as her she sucked and gripped the cock that was hard for her - _only_ for her.

She pulled the hand that had gripped the rest of his shaft away, steadying herself with it on his hip as she pushed his cock down her throat even more, swallowing around it as her saliva pooled in her mouth. When she pulled away from his cock, she tested running her teeth softly along it and he whimpered, but she recognized the pleasure she was causing with the action.

Long minutes were spent as Rey leisurely practiced taking his whole length into her mouth, and her jaw was beyond sore, but when she felt she couldn't do another round, Rey found herself sucking on the tip of his cock without conscious thought.

Ben's hands had finally found her hair, but didn't push her as he had before, vastly preferring watching her enjoy sucking him off; but when his nails started pushing into her scalp and his balls started tightening, Rey knew it was time.

She pulled off of him entirely and his incredulousness could not be hidden, "What are you doing? I was… _close."_

The controlled anger in his voice made Rey shudder, but her hands went to her belt and she started removing her pants.

"Rey, no - anyone can come in here at any time, they'll see you," Ben wasn't as concerned about him being discovered, but for Rey it was obvious she was a Jedi of some kind and he didn't want her in any more trouble because of him.

"Shut up, Ben. Let them watch," her matter of fact response made him growl.

"I always knew you were a little exhibitionist, my little padawan," he watched her pants hit the grass and she climbed on top of him again, straddling his hips as they sat on the bench. Ben brushed away the strands of hair that had fallen out of her buns as she had sucked him off and gripped her face, "You want them to watch your Master fuck you, Rey?"

She whimpered and all her dominance from earlier washed away with his words and she felt him position himself at her entrance and she pushed down immediately. They both moaned, foreheads touching, breaths mingling. _I missed you,_ he whispered again, as if he was scared to speak.

But he took control again, a hand moving to massage her clothed breast, finding and pinching a nipple through her clothing. Ben held her steady against him as his fingers moved down her butt to find where they were joined together and she gasped as he pushed another finger inside of her, "You could fit so much inside of you, Rey. Would you like to try sometime? Maybe Finn can come along…"

He grinned wickedly as she growled in anger at the thought and he derived a secret pleasure from it - that she didn't even want to think about anyone but him. _Always you, only you._ She said to him as he removed the finger and gripped her hips with both hands.

"Yes," he lifted her and rammed her down again, her clit grinding against his exposed hardened leather belt and she cried out at that. "Only me. Forever, Rey. Only me."

He rammed into her from their position for minutes at a relentless pace, the sounds of slapping wet skin mixing with their heavy breaths and moans. Rey was getting louder and louder, reminding him what it was like to hear her scream in his ear, so Ben pushed a thumb between them and pressed against her clit, sliding against it as she rode him. A piercing scream echoed off the high ceiling, followed by her yelling his name every time she bounced helplessly against him.

Ben was in complete control, watching her face with desperate eyes as it went through hundreds of emotions at once, how she bit her lip and twitched every time her clit hit his opened belt and the fabric of his robes. As he leaned in to suck her neck, he saw someone standing down the path, watching them.

He growled and made Rey slow her motions to a leisurely roll of the hips, "We have an audience, my little Padawan."

Rey was so far gone that the only thing she felt was a ripple of pleasure down her spine at the thought of being watched, "Who is it?"

Ben chuckled and nosed her hair as he looked closer, "Just some man wanting what you're giving to me. But he can't have you, can he Rey?"

She shook her head and rolled her hips harder into his and he whispered into her ear, "Because you're **mine,** no one else will know what your pussy feels like around their cock. He'll probably leave here and go fuck some prostitute who looks like you, but it won't be the same will it?"

"No, Master Ben," she mumbled with conviction as the pleasure of his words rocked her and she felt the strangers' eyes on her. "You and I are one of a kind, a matched set."

After a few more moments of her pushing against him, she begged, "Show him I'm yours, Ben, please. Make me come."

He growled and lifted her suddenly, placing her on the grass and spreading her legs wide, pushing her knees to either side. Ben just stared at her, not moving, when he realized he didn't want to share this with anyone else. He saw the moment she felt that sentiment, how her face softened, and smiled.

Ben reached out a hand towards the lurker and pulled him to them, gripping his throat tightly in his hand, "You are disgusting. You will not tell anyone what you saw here."

His eyes glazed over, "I am disgusting. I will not tell anyone what I saw here."

"You just went for a walk and are on your way back to your quarters now."

The man repeated the lines and Ben released him from his grip, watching him walk away, sensing the man's emptiness of thought and sighed with relief.

He looked back down at Rey, who had a soft smile for him, "It's just us now."

Ben leaned in and kissed her lovingly as he pushed back into her wet pussy, "This is sacred. Just us."

After that, he knew they were both too close to the edge and so his thrusts were forceful and pointed, each one angled to hit her clit, eliciting deep moans from her throat. Ben felt her lips gripping his cock and moved his hand to help her out, circling her sensitive nub with the same rhythm of his hips.

She moaned his named, "Ben, oh stars, I _love you."_

He felt her milking his cock and the pressure in his balls became too much and his upper body froze in place, jerking his hips furiously as he began to come inside of her. Rey felt the warmth spurt into her and spill across her thighs and she just mumbled _yes yes yes_ over and over into his neck, her tongue licking the now-bruised spot she had sucked on previously.

His body went rigid as the last spurts of come entered her and he collapsed against her body, pressing down deliciously as he panted into chest and brought his arms around her.

"Rey," he said. She just murmured in response, so he continued, "I don't think I can stay away from you the way I need to."

She laughed softly and wrapped her arms around his back and kissed his lips, "You don't have to. The Force works in mysterious ways, our time of understanding will come - for now, just kiss me."

And he did.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** sorry for the extra delay, work has been insane lately (and with all the crazy stuff happening in the fandom, I couldn't seem to settle down enough to write!)

thank you again for all of your kind words, this story has kind of turned into an accidental actual story rather than just smut. I knew it would happen. I'm useless as a PWP writer. USELESS. feel free to request anything you'd be interested in!


	8. if I dare speak your name

_**Everybody's waiting up to hear if I dare speak your name  
Put it deep beneath the track, like the hole you left in me  
And everybody wants to know 'bout how it felt to hear you scream  
They know you walk like you're a God, they can't believe I made you weak  
-Halsey, Strange Love**_

Rey moved quietly through the temple, hours after she had first left to meet Ben; in the dead of night, she knew most would be asleep - but still she obscured the sound of her feet as she made her way to her room. Ben's room.

She hadn't told him about that yet, wasn't sure if it would make him uncomfortable - her level of obsession - but the sweet soreness between her thighs reminded her of the depth of their depravity. A grin covered her face as she turned the corner to her hallway, but she nearly turned back as soon as she saw the person resting against her door.

Finn. Rey sighed and shook her head as she moved slowly towards him; Ben was in her head, stronger now after their meeting, but he kept silent and all Rey felt was his contentment. They had parted ways reluctantly once they had realized that dozing off in the middle of a semi-public garden was probably not the best thing for them. Especially considering one of them was a Jedi and the other her former Jedi Master who had gone rogue from the Order. It had scandal written all over it, so they had said their goodbyes on the other side of the door and Rey could still feel the touch of his lips on her cheek.

As she got closer to Finn, she noticed he was slightly snoring against the doorframe and she kicked his legs a little, "Hey, _Finn._ Wake up."

Rey was just met with mumbling so she punched in her door code and it whipped open, Finn falling backwards into her room from the sudden movement.

"What-" He stuttered and looked around, clearly trying to remember what exactly he was doing and where he was, but when he caught her as she stood over him, arms crossed, he bounced up off the floor.

"Care to explain what you're doing outside my quarters in the middle of the night?" She didn't linger on him, instead she moved to unclip her lightsaber and place it in the small receptacle in the wall.

Finn just stood there awkwardly watching her move around the small room, preparing to sleep. "You seemed troubled when you left the practice area earlier, I came to see if you wanted to go have dinner somewhere to get your mind off of everything."

Rey's hands flinched a little at the longing she felt from Finn, and felt immediately guilty that she had abandoned so much of their friendship in the past month or so. Ben had consumed her every thought and action, leaving so little for anyone else.

She felt a rumble from his end, _I told you this wasn't a good idea. I'm not good for you._

Ignoring his words, she spoke to Finn instead, "Sorry - I needed some time alone, you were right - I had to get my mind off of things. I went down into the lower city."

His eyes bulged out at that, "Are you serious? That's dangerous! You could've been hurt, especially if they found out you were a Jedi."

Rey just nodded, knowing he was right, but going along with her lie anyway; she sat on her bed then, back pressed against the wall. Finn was right - the Jedi, while feared, were hated in some areas who knew the part they had played in the Clone Wars and the Empire. While most of it was the Sith influence, to most people Jedi were synonymous with any Force user.

 _That would have been incredibly foolish, he's right._

She growled out loud, ignoring Finn's startled face, _Well it's a good thing I'm just_ _ **lying**_ _then, isn't it?_

Coldness washed over her and she shuddered, _We're doing something far more foolish, it is true._

"I have to say," Finn spoke as he propped up his feet on her small table and gazed at her, "I'm almost glad it was that - someone mentioned that you had probably gone to see Solo."

Her body tensed, "Why would that have been worse?"

Finn watched her body tighten and narrowed his eyes, sensing the turmoil of her emotions. If she couldn't see why visiting her outcast former Master would have been worse, things were far more troubling than he had thought.

"Rey, you know what he was accused of. The only reason he's not in mandalorian shackles still is because he hid his tracks well - and he _left,"_ he sighed loudly. "We always knew you were a bit attached to him, but surely you must see how wrong it would be."

She just glared at him, not wanting to admit he had a point; she knew he had his dark side, had certainly experienced it, but Rey had grown to accept its place. He was Ben Organa-Solo, and knowing of his darkness didn't change the years he had spent with her.

He had been just as dark then, too.

"I'm perfectly aware of what he's like, far more so than _you._ Your opinion of him is only built by rumors of jealous padawans."

Finn's eyes went wide at her low blow, "They're _terrified_ of him, Rey. As well they should be. He's never been pleasant, too powerful for his own good - you know what happened the last time someone was that powerful."

Rey stood up calmly, "Finn, thank you for your concern, but I think it's time for you to go. I'll see you tomorrow and we can go grab a meal then."

He was silent as he shook his head, leaving once the door hissed its way open.

Ben's side of the bond was empty the rest of the evening and as she slept, leaving Rey cold and alone with her thoughts.

* * *

"I will _not_ go to him, Leia," Ben spoke fiercely as he paced in her office suite. After another week of deliberation, they had finally approved Ben's role as a liaison and special reconnaissance officer for the Senate, but their first orders were already running up against the wall of Organa-Solo's stubbornness.

Leia sighed, ignoring his refusal to call her mother again, "Ben, this is part of the job. You have to talk with him - them - sometime."

"They should come to _me._ I am the Senate."

Her body stilled at those words, a memory coming through her from when she studied the Empire's rise to power. "That's what Emperor Palpatine said shortly before destroying everything your grandmother fought for."

Ben stopped pacing and glared at his mother, sensing the truth of her words. He had no intention of becoming so corrupted, but the Jedi needed to understand that they had no purpose in the Galaxy if not to serve it and its legislators.

"This will not turn out well, Leia." He spoke deliberately, warning her needlessly of what might happen once the rogue Jedi Ben Organa-Solo met with the Jedi Council in an official capacity for the Senate.

"I don't need to be told of what could happen, you're still going to follow this request. And you will do so with graciousness and courtesy."

She had taught him these things well, Leia knew that, but all of his manners and etiquette lessons would be tested for this first meeting. Ben hadn't spoken with another Jedi since he left them weeks ago, not even his Uncle - who had remained starkly quiet even with his sister.

"I won't make any promises," he said as he stalked out, grabbing his cloak off of a high backed chair.

"He's a lot like his old man, eh Leia?" A voice warbled in from the holo device. Han.

"He somehow got the worst of both of us, husband mine."

She only hoped that was all he had inherited from her family, in the end.

* * *

Ben hopped off the speeder and landed elegantly on the ground, unclasping his cloak and settling it into a compartment. His hair was unruly as always, puffed out from the travel from the Senate's location.

Fury still rolled off him in waves, not bothering to control his emotions the way he had been trained. It was willful defiance that made him refuse to reign them in, letting him revel in the licking darkness of wounded pride.

He hadn't told Rey he was coming, but surely she felt him as he landed - he could feel the tug along the bond almost as strongly as the desire that crept up on him when he thought about how close she was. It had been a week since the garden, and in his mercurial state of emotions after Finn's appearance, he had pushed her away when she tried to talk to him.

It's likely she was furious with him again, for constantly pushing her away only to pull her to him again with no rhyme or reason.

There was a logic to it, he thought, as he walked measuredly towards the Temple. When he was with her, all he felt was the primal and incessant pull towards her; they were bound in more ways than he had ever thought possible, and no one could have expected either of them to pull away from each other - physically or emotionally.

But when they were forced to separate, the rational side screamed at him to let her go - the Jedi weren't permitted romantic relationships for a very good reason. It split their focus, tipped the balance of peace they strove for.

Rey was just starting to blossom in her role in the Order, she couldn't be tarnished by any more connections to him - forbidden or otherwise.

Not to mention that his very nature was dangerous; Ben stood on the line of the Dark and Light side of the Force - he _welcomed_ the Dark with both arms. It kept him balanced, but it would be so easy to take a small step closer to the Dark and have it consume him. He was stronger than any of the Council when it came to the Force, but his seemingly split nature would always serve as a warning to those in power - of how quickly Ben Organa-Solo could turn into a nightmare of legend.

The doors open and Ben immediately felt the ripple of fear that rolled off those who were inside - those who saw him first. Some things never changed, and he fed off of their fear as he stomped through the entrance hall, staring through anyone who dared to make eye contact with him.

Leaving the Order, it seemed, had increased his notoriety and the fear of the other Jedi and padawans. As he turned a corner, walking deliberately towards the Jedi Council's atrium, he felt her presence and looked up.

Rey was standing there with her group of friends, fellow Jedi and padawans, staring at him with a thin lip and worried eyes.

Ben locked eyes with her as he walked down the hallway, finally nodding in recognition as he passed. There were gasps as he did so, murmurs of awe that were directed at Rey.

 _Apparently I make you weak, Ben._ Her voice was filled with humor.

He smiled inwardly, _They're right, my little padawan. I drop to my knees at your word._

Back in the midst of her friends, Rey gave him a small smile he couldn't see. _Come find me later, Jedi. You know the code._

Ben groaned at the thought of seeing her again in his bed and the images she was sending him did nothing to quell the desire. The pull they had towards each other made them foolish, even now in the middle of so many Jedi.

Without waiting for the droid to announce him, he opened the door to the atrium and strode confidently in.

Only one Master Jedi sat there. Luke. His Uncle.

"I was told my meeting was with the Council, Master Skywalker." Despite his anger and resentment, he still could not bring himself to disrespect his Uncle. Out of all of the new Master Jedi, Luke Skywalker was the only one who had truly earned that right - he did so as was tradition: in battle.

"Yes," Luke spoke without an undertone, "And that's what is still intended, however I asked them to step out so that you and I could talk briefly."

"Now? If you wanted to talk, you knew where I was. Instead you chose to ignore both sister and nephew until this moment."

His uncle narrowed his eyes, "I was giving you time and space to come to your senses, Ben. But that is not why I wished to talk to you privately."

Ben shifted, uncomfortable all of a sudden with Luke's words; it was as if he was treating Ben as a fellow Master Jedi, bringing him into his confidence.

"I do not have the gift for Force-visions like my father and other Jedi did, but I feel something stirring in the unknown regions. Something ancient, it feels nothing like the Sith presence of the Emperor or my father."

"Why are you telling me this?" Ben was skeptical about why his uncle would dare tell him this, given what he suspected of his nephew.

Luke sighed and walked towards him, "Nephew, you and I are the closest to the dark side out of all the Jedi. In the absence of Force-seers, we must rely on the ripples in the Force - and those such as us can feel the darkness' rising presence easier."

The dark haired Jedi stalked back and forth across the chamber, "That still doesn't explain why you would dare tell me, given what you suspect."

"You have a passion for ancient things, and are an adept scholar of Jedi history," Luke spoke quietly and Ben knew there was something more, so he waited. "And this is not something the Council should be made aware of until we are certain of the threat."

Ben laughed bitterly, "So now you're happy that I left the Order, so that I can do your bidding?"

"No, but I think your actions were guided by the Force for reasons I cannot understand - whatever may be out there will be a threat. I cannot tell if it will manifest before I die, but I give the knowledge to you. I implore you to investigate."

Ben stood and contemplated his words and the request that lay underneath them. "If I am to investigate this, I will require assistance from a sanctioned Jedi."

"Very well, let me know when and I will assign one."

"It must be Rey, Luke."

He tried to keep the desire from his voice, but Luke picked up on it, "I do not think that is a good idea, Jedi Organa-Solo. Your feelings betray you, even I can sense your desire for her."

"She was my padawan and the only Jedi who does not fear me - she is more than capable and that should be enough to get her the assignment. I can control whatever _feelings_ you think are there."

Ben's voice quivered with anger at how exposed he felt, and Luke stared at him before closing his eyes. He stood there for minutes on end, seemingly meditating on the answer he should give.

"So be it," he said finally. "The Force wills it, though I cannot imagine why. Yours is not a connection that should be encouraged. You are dangerous to her, Ben Organa-Solo."

As if he needed more reminders.

* * *

After that, the Council filtered in and arguments arose about the Jedi's place in galactic politics.

"For thousands of years, Jedi stood as the peacekeepers of the galaxy, working in harmony with the Senate - what are you training them for, if not for that?"

Ben's points were well argued and surprised more than a number of Council members, but they were still reluctant to put their allegiance solely with a political arm.

"Agent Organa-Solo," one addressed Ben with his new title awkwardly, "We acknowledge that the reason we train Jedi in the art of combat and harmony is to be mediators and small bands of peacekeepers in the galaxy. But surely you understand why we are wary of trusting the Senate again after its corruption."

"Corruption at the hands of trained Sith Lords, trained by the Jedi that failed to sense their presence for decades."

The Jedi spoke in quietly after that, and after a while Ben grew tired of listening, "I know you do not trust me, but I am far more a Jedi than a politician. I will act as gatekeeper between times where you would be used in a political machination and times where the Jedi would be truly needed."

The chatter stilled as he spoke, showing them a wisdom they had rarely seen from the former Jedi. "The new generation of Jedi need to be trained in real situations and not just training exercises and pre-made trials. If you fear politics, perhaps you should fear untrained Jedi more."

"You yourself, young Organa-Solo, have not been tested in combat. What does that say of you?"

The darkness licked at his consciousness and with barely a flicker of his hand, the Council's chairs lifted off the ground simultaneously. "I say even untrained as I am, I am more powerful than _you._ But I held back. Out of respect."

They came down gently and the Jedi Masters wore calm faces, "We will take your proposal into consideration, Agent Organa-Solo. We will contact you of our decision in three days."

Without bothering to bow or show any obsequiousness, Ben turned on his heels and left the room with his deliberate gait.

Eyes lingered on him as he maneuvered through the temple, although not as many people were there as before. It was time for their daily group meditations, but Ben knew Rey would still be there waiting for him.

He sensed the hallway was empty as he turned to his former quarters, pressing the code into the entrance pad. Stepping into his old room like nothing had changed, he set his lightsaber next to hers as the door hissed shut, and turned to see her sitting on his bed with her knees pressed against her chest.

"Rey," he whispered with reverence; despite her previous words, Ben had only barely hoped she would be here waiting for him.

Her hands fell off her knees as she spoke, "I didn't think you'd show - figured you would do your whole 'I'm not good for you' martyr bit."

The bitterness in her voice set him on edge, it didn't suit her and he hated hearing it; Ben walked over and held out his hand, waiting for hers. She took it lightly and Ben pulled her up to kneel on his bed.

"I would not be able to deny you any longer," he spoke finally, resting her hand against his chest and staring down at her. Breath caught in her chest as his mind opened to hers, to their bond, and she choked back desperate noises. "I denied the possibility of us for so long, Rey…once I had touched you that option was burned away."

Her other hand rose to press behind his neck, pushing him down to her lips. The feel of his lips against hers again made her let out a small whine, to which he responded by opening her mouth for a deeper kiss. Their bodies were connected only by their mouths and her hand on his chest, but still the heat of desire washed over them both.

Rey pulled away slightly and her hands moved to unclasp his belt, letting it drop to the floor without ceremony. He stood still, watching her hands run against his skin as she pulled the robes off of him. Lips pressed against his hard chest, tongue following the grooves of his stomach upwards until it reached one of his nipples.

Ben's breath hitched as her tongue circled it, attempting to suck on it as fervently as he does to hers; he pulled away and his hands pushed the last article of clothing to the floor. His cock was pressing against his stomach again and when Rey licked her lips, his thoughts went to the garden - when she knelt in front of him, worshipping.

He shook his head, trying to focus on her, "Rey…" his voice dropped away when he saw that she had understood and immediately went to pull her top robes off.

His hands followed them, running along the soft and toned skin, until her breasts were revealed - or would have been, had she not been wearing a breast band. Ben growled, and ripped it off more forcefully than he had planned. His name escaped her lips in shock and he lifted her body to his with one arm, so she could slide off the rest of her clothes.

"Ben…" she gasps, "I think they know."

Lips left her neck and looked at her darkly, "And whose fault is that?"

Rey stared back at him defiantly, "Mine, but I _want_ them to suspect. I want them to wonder if the big scary Ben Organa-Solo they've feared for so long whimpered under my touch last week."

He growled and lifted her legs around his hips, his cock teasing against them slightly; turning around, he sat on the bed and laid back, leaving Rey to raise her eyebrow at his movement. He just watched her as he felt her arousal slide against his lower stomach, and as he gripped her hips and moved her up his body to straddle his chest, she left a trail of wetness.

"Oh Rey," he spoke as one of his thumbs circled her clit and she cried out, grinding down into him. "If only they knew how weak you made me."

Her eyes met his, "What do you mean?"

She was breathless and he shuddered as he slid a finger inside almost casually, "Away from you, I have so much resolve - to step away from this, that I'm no good for you or your future. But the moment I see you, touch you…nothing could stop me, Rey."

She leaned down, hands pressed on either side of his face, breaths coming in shallow bursts as his fingers worked between her legs methodically. "What if they came in here and saw what you were doing, would you stop?"

Fire flashed in his eyes, "You're _mine,_ Rey. If they came in here they would find themselves unconscious quickly." Ben squeezed her hip as she rolled it to meet his fingers.

"So possessive, what would you do if I told you I wanted to take a lover? Someone who was around all the time…"

He sat up immediately and grabbed her face with both hands, forcing her against his lips in a vicious kiss, she bit his lip in retaliation and he groaned, hands pressing against her even tighter.

"You say that only to tease me," he growled, knowing it was true - she couldn't lie to him when their bond was so open.

Hips grinded slowly against his as her head moved slowly towards his wet fingers against her cheek; her eyes never left his as she took his thumb into her mouth and began sucking on it slowly, tasting herself as she watched his lips part in awe.

It was true, she only teased him when she mentioned wanting another lover, but she craved more - wanted him daily. She knew it was impossible, but it was still an ache she could not shake.

Ben felt her emotions and leaned back against the pillow, but this time he grabbed her thighs and gestured for her to move up even higher.

"Put your knees on either side of my head, little padawan, I want you to ride me."

She blushed at the thought, but did as he said and immediately his hands groped her ass and pulled her pussy lips flush against his lips, tongue running against them as his nose pressed into her clit.

"Ben!" She gasped at the new sensation and angle, her hands reaching out to press against the wall as his tongue pushed inside of her, slowly licking upwards to meet her clit.

His hands pressed her down against his face and she felt herself involuntarily riding against the pulse of his tongue as it moved inside of her. Rey knew she should probably be concerned about whether he could breath, but it was pushed out the window when the bond flooded them both with the new sensations.

She felt his hips thrust into the air repeatedly as the mixture of tongue fucking her _and_ feeling her sensations drove him wild. Rey couldn't blame him, because as she pressed her hands into the mattress above him and leaned over to hit a new angle, she felt him take her clit between his teeth at the same time as she sensed the taste of it on her lips.

"This…is new," she gasped, and he just moaned into her lips and she moved her hips in a circular motion, all tentativeness and awkwardness at the position gone in the name of pleasure.

After endless minutes of his ministrations, Ben ran his hands up and squeezed her breasts that hang above him, tantalizingly. The heat in her lower stomach began to build and he felt it as potently as he did his own desire, and he pushed her chest backwards, her hands instinctively pressing backwards as her back nearly pressed parallel with his chest now.

Hands forced her hips to his mouth and his tongue began fluttering against her clit in a rapid pulse and she began sobbing, his name leaving her lips every time his teeth ran against it. Her climax, which had been building for minutes, finally crested over and he continued to hold her against his mouth, drinking her in as she rode out the orgasm.

Rey collapsed backwards along his body and heard the wet noises of him licking her clean, suddenly red from embarrassment again.

A gentle push against her hips and she sat back up and crawled off of him, collapsing with her back against the bed.

"Ben, that was…"

She didn't know what to say, but he didn't let her continue, "I might have to leave Coruscant for a time. I don't know how long."

Rey's heart sunk at that, even in her post-orgasm high, she curled up against his body, leg slipping between his. "What do you have to do?"

Ben's eyes closed as if he felt something amiss, "My mother thinks there is some trouble on the outskirts of the known regions, wants me to check it out discreetly."

She sensed he didn't want to tell her how long he might be, but she knew anyway. Months. He could be gone for months - and what would happen during that time? What if this pull, this madness they felt, slipped away with his absence?

"You know that's not possible," he said fervently as he looked into her eyes. "Whatever else is true, we are tangled together."

"But - that doesn't mean we have to be _together_ \- like this," Rey hated the fear in her voice at the prospect and he squeezed her into his side. He wasn't going to tell her about the deal he made with his Uncle until he had written confirmation, but hopefully he would be able to take her along - two birds, one stone as it were.

"When you used to think of me at night, did you only use your hands?"

Rey blushed and squirmed a little at his question, "Yes, just my fingers really."

"Hmm," Ben thought about this slowly, "After having me, I don't know if that will be enough."

He rose up and hovered over her, searching her face, "Do you trust me? I want to show you something that may help."

Her fingers danced between the locks of his hair, "I trust you, Ben."

His hand held out to where the lightsabers rested in the wall, and called his to him; Rey jumped a little, trying to quell the fear that gripped her instinctively.

"This is an elegant weapon, very precise," he spoke as if he were giving a lesson, but Rey's eyes were huge as she watched his fingers run along his unusually shaped weapon. "However, the hilt is…perhaps perfect for this."

"For what?" Her voice was soft and breathy; she knew what he likely meant to do and her stomach muscles quivered.

He raised one of her shaking hands to grip the hilt, "Does this feel familiar, Rey? This size?"

Blushing, she glided her hand around it and nodded, "It feels…like you."

The lightsaber hilt was of similar size to his hardened cock, which meant it was perfect for his next lesson. He switched positions with her, so Rey was flat against the bed and he hovered over her. The lightsaber rested on her stomach and the cold metal taunted her.

Ben slid two fingers inside of her without warning, but she was so slick she hardly noticed until he separated them and added another, pumping leisurely inside of her, watching the small spasms of her face and stomach as he did so.

"Rey, when I leave, I want you to practice with your lightsaber for me."

She huffed and rolled her eyes, "Ben, of _course_ I'm going to-"

Ben shook his head and she went silent as he gripped the hilt of his lightsaber with his slicked fingers and ran it down her stomach, sliding deliberately over her clit.

Rey gasped, realizing what he really meant to do, "No…Ben please…"

But her hips bucked into the cold metal, betraying her words; she felt dirty even considering it.

"My little padawan, you love what I do to you - and you asked me to teach you, did you not?"

Biting her lip, she nodded, and they locked eyes with each other, Rey drowning in his dark pools as he pressed the circular hilt against her entrance. She sobbed his name as he pushed it inside of her, feeling the foreignness of the metal clash with the wet sounds she was hearing, but all she could see was his eyes as they watched her.

He pressed nearly all 9 inches of it inside of her and she sobbed wildly at the agonizing pressure. Ben let go and knelt between her legs, pushing her knees up to rest against either side of her chest.

"I can get more in, this way," he said reverently as he set the Force to freeze her legs like that. "You're so beautiful like this, Rey…completely at my will. Maybe I'll get you back for your other lovers suggestion now…"

She shook her head and he laughed, "Don't worry, love, I'm just showing you how to please yourself while I'm gone."

He pushed the rest of the hilt inside of her and she cried out his name and he heard feet stop outside in the hallway, but he didn't bother to silence her. His name on her lips and in the gutter of her throat was a think of perfection. Ben twisted the hilt counter clockwise slowly as he pulled it out and she sobbed at its absence until he shoved it back in and her hips bucked into the air.

"My dirty, dirty Rey, do you like being fucked by my lightsaber?"

She let out a breathy yes and he grinned, "When I'm on my mission, you are to bring a practice saber to this room just for this - do you understand? I want you to fuck yourself on a lightsaber hilt, imagining it's my cock."

He set a pace somewhere between agonizingly slow and painfully fast, the ridges and exposed wires rubbing against her sensitive skin in a delicious but harsh way. Ben was careful not to bruise her, knowing she would want the real thing afterwards, but still he angled the metal hilt upwards so it would grind against her clit with every movement.

She really was beautiful like this, he thought, her pussy fully exposed to him, red and slick and plump from arousal. Her hair was matted against her face and he pulled some of it away with his hands as he bent over to kiss her languidly, still twisting the cold metal between her.

"Ben," she whined in to his mouth, "I need you. Please."

Her breaths came fast as he increased the speed, "Not until you cum all over my lightsaber. I want to smell you every time I use it. Come for me Rey."

He lifted her body with the Force so he could thrust it into her at a new angle, hitting the sweet spot deep inside, and she begged him to stop in her delirium. But all he felt from her was pleasure and desperation for him to make her come again.

"Come on, baby girl, my little padawan, cum for me. Cum all over your master's weapon. It's so big, how did you ever think you could take all of it?"

Rey groaned his name, "I wanted all of you, I didn't care how."

"That's right, Rey, you took all of your master's dick just like you're taking his weapon right now - are you going to come around it, milk it like you do my cock?"

They felt her stomach flutter and her lips began to grip the hilt, sucking it in even tighter than before; Rey screamed his name the entire length of the orgasm, and Ben released the Force freeze on her legs, watching them collapse to the bed.

He pulled out his now-drenched lightsaber and took a deep breath, her scent surrounding him. He stuck his tongue out and licked it once or twice, watching her eyes as she lay there on his bed, panting.

"Wasn't that better than just a few fingers? Now you'll know how to please yourself properly when I'm gone."

Rey sat up and pulled him in for a kiss, tongue sucking his as she moved to kneel on the bed, "Nothing will ever be as good as you, please don't leave me just yet."

Ben looked over at the time display and knew that people would be returning from their meals soon, making it nearly impossible for him to leave undetected if he didn't go now.

But the desperation and love in her face made him nod and he was blinded by her smile once more.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thank you so much for the lovely messages, and hope you enjoyed the start of the oft-requested lightsaber kink. =O


	9. to lay my glory at thy feet

_I, who alone have understood thee,  
_ _Find in thy heart my mercy seat,  
_ _My shrine, mine altar; I have wooed thee,  
_ _To lay my glory at thy feet.  
_ _-The Demon, Mikhail Lermontov_ _  
_

Hours later, when the halls quieted down for the evening, Ben stepped out of the fresher and looked down at the still-sleeping and peaceful woman. He knelt and ran the back of his hand against her cheek - she didn't move at all; Ben would have to lecture her about being on her guard even during sleep, but for now he smiled fondly and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"See you soon," he whispered as he stood and clipped his lightsaber to his belt, pressing the button for the door.

He stepped out into the hallway confidently, knowing most students and people would be sleeping at this hour. No one would be there to question his presence, if they dared. As he left the temple, boots stomping on the ground towards his speeder, he felt a presence - and anger.

"You need to stay away from her," Ben turned towards the voice slowly, eyebrows raised. His face showed no other emotion even as he realized who it was.

"Finn, is it?"

"You know who I am - stay away from her," the padawan's stance was rigid, his hands flexing as if close to pulling his weapon on the older man. Once again, Ben felt a small rumble of anger that he pushed down quietly. Rey wouldn't appreciate him making another scene when he was trying to be inconspicuous - especially if he wanted her to travel with him.

"Yes, you said that - to whom are you referring?" Finn's face pulled into a glare as his anger got the better of him, to which Ben could only smirk in response - his composure briefly broken.

"REY! You're taking advantage of her, of her kindness and _innocence_ \- you're a disgrace."

At that, Ben's smirk was wiped away and he stepped into Finn's personal space, looking down into his face. He could not believe that he was being insulted by such a low and inept padawan. He knew this was Rey's friend, but no one had ever dared speak to him like that - and he wouldn't have them start. He needed to remind Finn why people whispered about Ben with fear.

"Listen to me, whatever is happening between myself and Rey is _her_ business. You would do well to remember that while I am no longer a member of the Order, I am still _vastly_ more powerful and well-trained than you."

"Is that a threat?" Finn showed no signs of cowering, which impressed Ben somewhat - although it didn't quell the annoyance - at least Rey had good tastes in friends.

"It's just a reminder. They kicked me out for a reason, you know," and at that Finn stepped back. Ben took his silence as understanding, and turned to continue to his speeder. He would have to warn Rey about this when she woke, but she needed to sleep a little longer. He climbed into the vehicle and made his way to his apartments, listening in every now and then to Rey's heavy breathing across the bond as she slept.

* * *

He wasted no time, traveling straight to his mother's rooms to tell her the trip had been approved by the council, with caution.

Leia sat at the head of the table in the eating quarters, looking down at the metal finishing instead of at her son, "If Luke senses trouble there as well, I fear sending you won't be safe."

Ben stood at the edge of the room, watching his mother's bowed head, and attempted to reassure her, "Luke has agreed to a Jedi escort."

He left out that he had been the one to beg for one, knowing that only Rey would suffice.

"Why doesn't that make me feel any better?" His mother answered dryly, "If anything that makes it worse."

Ben's anger spiked, and he felt Rey's response; once again he was disrupting her sleep, it wasn't good - the bond was too influential already. Shaking his head, he sat next to his mother.

"This is voluntary for both of us, but if the trouble is as bad as you say, we need to know exactly what's happening so that you can convince the Republic." It was hard to tell whether Ben cared enough about helping the Republic, his mother, or just wanted an excuse to get Rey alone on a spaceship for an extended trip; nonetheless, his face and words must have convinced his mother and she nodded.

"Very well, but you're to tell no one about the trip. We'll circulate that you're taking a brief break to meditate, they won't know any better." She smiled wryly at him and Ben almost smiled back; he _did_ meditate, but discovered long ago not to contradict her if it's not worth the fight.

She pulled out an unusual device that looked like a commlink, but it was made to strap around a wrist. "This is a direct line and pulse beacon. You will only be able to communicate with me on it, and should you take longer than expected to return with no communications, we'll find you with the beacon."

Ben was agitated at the thought of being put on a leash, but nodded. His mind was entirely on Rey, whom he could feel stirring in a fitful sleep. He clipped the device to his belt and pulled his cloak back on.

"Ben," his mother called out, and he stopped, turning slightly towards her, "May the Force be with you."

Not able to look at her, he simply nodded and left.

* * *

He turned a corner in the hallways outside his mother's apartments and heard a voice, "Heard you're going on a little trip."

Ben spun towards to the voice, flicking his hand to hold the offender in place. "Syndra. What do you want?"

She was pressed against the wall and as he loosened his grip on her, she pressed her hip against it, cocking her head, "Like I said, heard you're going on a trip."

"Yes, a meditation retreat. I haven't been in some time, it is long overdue."

Syndra sneered at him, "Don't lie to me, I know better, _Kylo Ren._ You're taking some Jedi with you? Is it _her?"_

He froze at the mention of his _other_ name. The one only she knew, the one that made him shudder in remembrance. Hands ran around his chest, gripping his body from behind and they dipped lower, and Ben felt his hips cant towards them.

"You're taking her, aren't you? _Rey._ Have you done things with her? Is that why you never see me anymore?"

He found it hard to not react, heavy breaths in between his words, "I told you why, I was very clear."

A light laugh hit his ears as she turned to face him, "I've missed you. Does she know how twisted you are? Does she know how to make you feel _good?"_

Her hands kept teasing his cock through his pants, arousal clouding his judgment.

"My place is just down here, if you want a good fuck before you leave," she looked up at him earnestly, desire plain on her face - he had never seen that before, always believed they were on the same page with their liaisons.

Ben gripped her hands and pulled them away from his body, "I told you this was over, regardless of the fact that I can't be with her - I can't be with _you_ anymore."

He left her abruptly, without any other word or explanation.

* * *

Luke found Rey in the training arena, whipping through her forms and testing her new saberstaff. Emotions rolled off her in waves, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. She barely even noticed the presence of the Jedi Master, didn't expect anyone else to be there as it was only a few hours before first light.

She was sweating, but more so from the strain on her mental energy as she tried to keep up the block on her force bond with Ben rather than the physical exertion.

"Rey," Luke spoke firmly, as if he had said it a few times and she was only now noticing. Her saber deactivated as she whipped around to see the Jedi Master watching her in that infuriatingly impassive way of his.

"Yes, Master Luke?" Her breaths were short as she caught her breath.

"I must ask something of you that may make you uncomfortable," he started, and she knew in her bones it was going to be about Ben. The last person she wanted to talk about at the moment, as it were. Nevertheless, she stood and watched him patiently, waiting for him to explain.

"We have determined that there is something worth investigating, on the outer rim near the Unknown Regions." He cleared his throat, "The legislature feels it is best kept quiet, and so they've elected to send one of their members - and I have agreed to send you as escort, to report on things as you see fit."

Rey realized she was holding her breath, remembering last night as she clawed frantically at Ben's chest, pleading with him to not leave her alone. He hadn't, she knew that this was his doing.

"Who am I going with?"

Luke hesitated, "Ben Organa-Solo. I know it's likely to be an uncomfortable situation, given the recent issues, but you're the only one with a hope of surviving a long trip with him."

Rey snorted unexpectedly, which made Luke's body relax a little. "When are we leaving?"

"Today, I was on my way to wake you and found you here." His eyes narrowed, "Are you okay, Rey?"

Her lightsaber spun a little before she clipped it to her belt, nodding at him as she headed towards her quarters. "I'm quite alright, thank you. Just getting a little training in."

She could feel the skepticism as she left the room and took off running, traitorous tears trailing down her cheeks.

* * *

Ben stood at the landing pad of the newly acquired ship - completely unremarkable and unaffiliated with either himself, the Jedi, or the Senate. Luke had comm'd ahead, saying that Rey was prepared and on her way, but it had been a long enough time that Ben was beginning to worry.

He had tried reaching out over the bond, lately a very easy task, but found it slippery and unstable; he couldn't get a read on her, even though he knew she was there.

An hour later, he spotted her on the other side and smiled broadly. Rey caught her breath and stumbled a little at the unexpected action, but pulled herself together and walked up to him, face impassive.

"I was assigned as your escort, Agent Organa-Solo, I'm ready when you are."

The smile on his face slipped and his eyes grew cold and calculating as she felt him probing her mind for the bond and realizing that it was unstable - that the wall on her mind was deliberate.

"What's wrong?" He asked the obvious question, for surely there was something wrong, her entire body was rigid. "Did someone find out? Did Finn say something?"

She looked at him sharply, "What does Finn have to do with anything? _You're_ the one who needs to t-" but Rey shut herself off and moved past him, climbing into the ship.

Ben was agitated as he watched her check the systems and fuel, normally something that would arouse him - watching her in her element; anything she did, really. But now his temper was spiking, every time she barked an order at him - check this, move, sit down, radio for clearance. By the time they were in the air and she was punching in coordinates to make the jump to lightspeed, Ben's edges were frayed and the fabric on the armrests was beginning to tear.

Rey got up after the coordinates had been entered, muttering that it would be several hours before they had to make their first adjustment. He sat there for a few minutes, trying to piece together what was going on - and realized that there had been nothing on her end of the bond the entire day.

Since he left her quarters, in fact.

He stood up and walked towards her room on the ship; while it wasn't the fastest ship, Leia had made sure it was sizeable and well equipped for two people to spend most of their time on it for a number of weeks. And that included full size living quarters.

Any other time, he suspected both would have been ecstatic about the prospect of being alone on a ship together, but Rey's mood was anything but.

He rapped on the door to get her attention.

"Go away," was her muffled response. But he had kept his silence the entire time and ignored it, slamming his hand on the button to open the door. Ben had every intention of launching into a heated argument, but stopped as soon as he saw her tears.

Taking two long strides towards her, he knelt at the edge of the bed, staring at her.

"Will you tell me what's wrong? I can't feel you," Ben tried to not let the bitterness edge into his voice, his concern trumping any irritation he had been feeling.

Rey sniffled, her eyebrows creasing in a look of anger, "I shut you out, you don't deserve me."

Ben held back a chuckle at that, he had only been telling her that for weeks - but she insisted. Stubborn girl. Instead he smiled softly and brushed her hair away from her face.

"I always thought so, now you've just caught up with that realization." They stared at each other for a long time, the silence stretching into awkwardness. Finally, Ben leaned in to kiss her forehead, before standing to leave.

He heard a rustle of the blankets, "Don't you care about me?"

Rey's voice was loaded with accusation and a hint of fear, but Ben barely had time to respond before he was being pushed back, her hands on his chest.

"Well? You're just going to leave it at that? Accept that? You're not even going to _try_ to fight for me?"

"Of COURSE I will fight for you, but you seem to be making it perfectly clear that you've made your decision - and you're not wrong. I've always told you I'm no good for you, and it may be poor timing, but it's _true."_

She let out a guttural yell that went straight to his cock unbidden, "I SAW you with her."

Ben blinked for a few moments, then suddenly it all clicked into place, "…her?" He had to be sure what she saw.

"A woman, today - she was… _touching_ you. Whispering things - you KNEW her. And you-" she gulped, and his eyes followed her body intently as she carried on. "You...let her touch you, Ben. How could you?"

He let out a ragged breath, remembering Syndra's hands on him and toying words this morning. He had spent so much effort keeping her from Rey that he never realized how likely it was that she would find out from the bond itself.

"Her name is Syndra," he sat down on the bed as he began to explain, not sure how deep to go with it. "Yes, we used to…meet each other. It was before you and I began whatever this is." He gestured between the two, and realized that he had no idea what they were. He only knew that he hated the hurt that surrounded her.

Rey blinked, realizing that she should have known this all along, "Of course you fucked others, I should have known - but her hands were _all over_ you. I felt what you felt. You _wanted_ her."

Ben lunged, grabbed her hand, "No, whatever you felt was a purely instinctual reaction - I stopped it with her before you and I ever touched. She just had a hard time letting go and cornered me. I should have stopped her sooner, I'm sorry."

She stood there, hand still clasped, quiet as she contemplated his words.

"Do you…" he cleared his throat, unsure, "Want to know more? I'll tell you whatever you want to know about us."

Instead of responding, she slapped him hard on the cheek. "You're _mine."_

His breath picked up and he locked eyes with her, fury overtaking her calm demeanor. "Tell me what I want to hear."

He kept contact with her as he slid off the bed, kneeling before her, "I'm yours, Rey." He felt paralyzed by her voice, but for once it wasn't the Force they were using on each other - this came from a deeper pit of desire, one that Ben had never suspected was there. His head tilted upwards to look at her, tendrils of hair escaping her buns and steel eyes staring back down at him.

"No one is to _ever_ touch you without my permission again, do you understand?" He felt like her voice should have made his blood run cold, but instead he felt warm - in all the places that mattered.

Knowing better than to stay silent, he responded lovingly, "I understand."

At that, Rey pushed him to the bed, "This time, you do as _I_ say." Taking his silence as acceptance, she straddled his broad chest and leaned down to capture his lips. It was bruising, the pressure she added, and as he opened his mouth in response her teeth bit his lower lip, piercing it.

He yelped in surprise, tasting blood as her tongue explored his mouth; his hands went to pull her closer, but she grabbed them and pushed them away.

"You don't get to touch me," she whispered against his lips and it was all he could do to not whimper. He had never been in this position before, but found the idea of submitting to her enthralling. "Not until I allow it. You've lost that right, Ben Solo."

His hips canted upwards, finding nothing but air, and she wrapped her fingers around his throat, squeezing lightly. "What did I just say?"

Ben lowered his legs to the bed, fists clenching from the effort he was making to not touch her. He had never submitted to instructions before, was always bad at it, but with Rey above him, the fierceness and hurt in her voice - it made him want to do _anything_ to soothe that ache. She climbed off him and left the room, and he realized the soft touch of her Force signature holding him in place.

"This is supposed to be for rigging the cargo, but it'll do." She walked back in holding a loop of nylon rope, frayed with use. Rey watched him lick his lips and wondered if he even realized how much he wanted this.

She ran her hands underneath his shirt, feeling the hard muscles flexing beneath them, and pulled it off. Her lips caressed his neck as she placed kisses down the line of his chest, stopping to run her tongue around his nipples.

"Rey, please…" he whimpered, and she could sense his frustration, his cock begging to be free. But she spent the next few minutes with her lips on nipples, hands diving into his hair, pulling fists of it as she bit his sensitive skin. She could get used to having Ben Organa-Solo completely at her mercy, it was almost worth the pain of seeing him allow the other woman to touch him.

She growled at the thought and ripped his pants off, a stark difference to how she had lovingly removed the top part of his clothing. He hissed as his cock was slapped around by the removal, but it only seemed to cause it to have a mind of its own as it twitched against his stomach, searching for the heat of her body.

Rey strapped his wrists and ankles to the legs of the bed, spreading his legs wide as she had always done for him.

"I should do this more often, you look so good splayed out like this. If anyone knew," she whispered, running her hands up his thighs and grazing his balls with her fingertips. "Where you were right now, they wouldn't believe it, would they? The great Ben Organa-Solo, Jedi Knight."

She kissed her way up his chest again, leaving a soft lick on the tip of his cock, until she reached his ear. Tugging on it, she whispered, "Would you tell them how much you loved it? How much you secretly crave this?"

His body was quivering, but he shook his head. "Only for you, I only want you -"

Growling a little, she lifted up and looked at his eyes, "You let her touch you without permission. You're _mine,_ Ben. This body, your soul, it's _mine._ No one touches you like that every again, do you understand?"

"Yes, Rey - I'm so sorry, let me make it up to you." He begged, and as a hand reached down to wrap around his cock he began to pant. She kept eye contact as her small hands rose up and down the shaft, her thumb pressing gently against the tip, feeling the liquid seeping out. Her lips sought his again and his mouth opened for hers greedily, running his tongue against her teeth before sucking on her tongue to the same rhythm as her hands.

She pulled away abruptly, reaching to the straps of her outfit as she pulled it off. "I thought about punishing you by keeping my clothes on," she spoke matter-of-factly, but her voice was heady with desire. "But really, what's more of a punishment?"

She climbed over his body, legs on either side, and dipped a finger inside her cunt and dragging the wetness up his chest. His cock was pushing against her back and she wiggled a little against it, "Not seeing the body of _your little padawan,_ or seeing it and not being able to do anything to it?"

Rey leaned over so her nipples were hovering over his face, and he strained at the bindings, trying to wrap them in his mouth. She kept them just out of reach, though, and snickered, "Oh Ben, this is _so_ fun - perhaps you should misbehave more often."

He shook his head, "No, never again - I promise."

Humming softly as she ran her hands through his hair, she contemplated those words. She knew that her infatuation had always been more one-sided, but the past few months it had - shifted. Despite his raging erection, his mind felt at peace - almost loving - as she felt it brush against hers. Once more she kissed him, softly, before lifting herself up and sliding down onto his cock.

The size of him was never something she would get used to, the pressure of his cock pushed all the air out of her body, leaving her gasping. His hips pushed into her as much as they could and instead of chastising him, Rey made a contented sigh before bracing her hands on his shoulders. Her knees dug into the mattress as she rode him, fast bucks of hips followed by a long and slow undulation of her entire body. His toes curled when she did that.

"Fuck Rey, ride my cock," he panted as he tried to push against her, his arms straining against the rope. "I need you to take everything, little padawan, ride me until your pussy clenches around me. It's all I'm good for, baby."

Rey breathed heavily at his words, rising so he could watch her entire body jiggle with the effort, leaning back to place her hands on his thighs. She let her hips do most of the work, circling them slowly as his cock swelled even more as she clenched around him every now and then.

Her head fell back, breasts pushing towards the sky as she let him push into her at a faster pace. "Ben, please - fuck me harder."

The ropes around his ankles ripped off the bed posts at the sound of her voice heavy with pleasure, and his legs bent for more leverage before pushing his dick into her faster, a rhythm that brought her body forward again, splayed out across his chest. Her body bounced on it with each thrust, her limbs exhausted by the strain.

"Touch yourself, like I taught you, circle your clit my little padawan. I want your cunt clenching around my cock."

She obeyed immediately, all pretense of dominance over as she submitted to his demand and pushed her fingers to her pussy, circling her clit before flicking it to the same rhythm as his hips.

Rey felt the orgasm building, and sobbed out almost fearfully, "Oh Ben, please tell me."

"What do you need?"

"Tell me you're mine." He groaned at the desperation in her voice and the ropes holding his wrists broke, to wrap around her body as it quivered.

"I'm yours, Rey. I'll never give you cause to doubt it again. I'm yours, forever."

The combination of his fervent words spoken into her sweaty hair, her fingers around her clit, and his cock inside of her, made her body shudder and she screamed at the force of the building orgasm. Where once his body had been under her control, she was no longer under her own - he pumped his cock through it slowly, the fluttering of her walls finally pushing him over the edge.

He groaned and held her hips down against his as his cum filled her body, warmth seeping out of her lips, down to his legs and the bed. She pushed against him, watching his face as she milked the last bit of cum out of his cock.

"I can't believe you ever thought a lightsaber could replace this feeling," she snickered and she moved her hips up, his softening dick sliding out of her. With a glint in her eye she dragged her wet cunt up his chest, leaving a trail of cum on it.

He licked his lips in anticipation and pulled her hips the rest of the way, his tongue licking up the mixture of their arousal ardently. She found it hard to remember a time when she felt awkward about this position, especially as his tongue caressed the clit she had abused earlier in her orgasm efforts. Rey listened to his contented sighs and mewlings as she opened the bond again, gasping at the pleasure radiating from him - or her.

She hummed as he continued to clean her up, looking through the window of her bunk, space flying by. "We have another week of travel, Ben, what else do you want to do?"

Without any hesitation, he projected an image to her that surprised her, but she grinned and pulled away to rest on his chest. Her lips pressed against his, tasting their mixed arousal, she purred "I think that can be arranged."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Yes I finally wrote the next chapter, it was started over a year ago - writing's hard! Just a reminder for yall, this story is more of a PWP than anything - practicing my skills at writing smut, but I hope it's enjoyable outside of that. I'm a little rusty, but hopefully it's okay =)

as always, thank you for reading! leave a comment if you desire, and find me on tumblr or twitter - =)


	10. hungry for love

" _ **I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it – to be fed so much love I couldn't take any more. Just once."  
**_ ― _**Haruki Murakami**_ _ **  
**_

Rey walked down the ramp of their ship as if she hadn't just had Ben Solo's cock deep inside of her as she attempted to land the ship in his lap. Her lips twitched at the memory of him holding her still as they went through the turbulence of entering the planet's atmosphere. The back of her neck still stung from the way his teeth pierced it as she came.

But now they were back in the reality of their situation, meeting up with one of Leia's contacts in Vakkar on their hyperspace route, and even here - parsecs from Coruscant and the Jedi template, they couldn't be seen to be together. She smiled back at Ben as he followed her, eyes flitting from point to point. Always vigilant.

"You should go gather supplies as I meet with the contact," he said as his eyes met hers. They were hard to read - or would have been, if she hadn't spent years with him doing just that. He was unsure, this planet had a lot of activity from travelers headed far away from Coruscant - and therefore, Galactic Law. "I want to spend as little time here as possible."

 _Are you sure that's just because you don't like the planet?_ She asked in her mind, wondering when she got to be so flirtatious.

Rey noticed a slight blush reaching his cheeks even though his face was impassive, he brought out the compass beacon that would take him to the contact as a distraction.

She walked towards him, forcing his eyes down to meet hers, "I'll go get the supplies and refuel, don't take too long. Remember I'm also getting you a present…"

Ben gulped almost audibly as she lingered, too close to be platonic to any onlookers, but didn't touch him. He asked her for this, but Rey could tell he was clearly a bit unsure about it. It was a pleasant flip to the norm, as he's been so confident and experienced compared to her. She shuddered as she remembered where he got that experience from.

 _I'm yours, Rey._

His voice echoed in her head as she walked away, trying to reassure her again; she knew that, realistically she did - he risked a lot for her. They both were, for this - people don't do that unless they were sure.

Or stupid.

 _You are many things, but stupid isn't one of them - and I went to the best schools in the galaxy you know._

She snorted as she worked her way through the crowded streets, _Yeah and all that modesty got you so far. I know, Ben - it'll just take time, though._

 _Aren't you glad I convinced them to let me take you on this trip now?_

Rey smiled at that, she was indeed - if she hadn't known any better, she would have assumed it was her birthday even. Feeling him perk up at the idea, Rey pushed back a little, asking him to let her focus on finding her way. Not all of them had fancy beacons telling them where to go.

She found a supply shop fairly easily, ordering packs of rations and some fresh food to be sent to the ship at priority, since similar to Ben she felt uneasy being here. Although perhaps for different reasons. For the special item, she had no idea where something like that could be found - and the idea of asking around made her stomach churn. It was amazing how open she could be with Ben, but as soon as she has to talk about it elsewhere her body starts to sweat.

So instead she wanders the streets, keeping an eye on the signs of each shop, knowing it was frustratingly futile. She shook herself and moved to the side, her back pressed against a storefront and away from the people. Closing her eyes, she centered herself and focused on her need; the Force swelled around her and the sounds of the world went away. When she opened her eyes, it was as if a string tied her to the spot she needed.

After a few minutes, she entered a store with no sign and brightly colored windows - it was quieter in here, with sumptuous furniture that made Rey feel a bit out of place.

"Hello dear, may I help you?" An older woman asked her, coming out of one of the doors as Rey walked in.

Rey's fingers laced together and she couldn't stop them from fidgeting, but the woman smiled at her almost knowingly. She found her voice finally, "I'm looking for something, for my-"

"Oh yes, I can see what you need, dear, follow me." Rey's brow scrunched up in confusion, but followed the woman anyway; despite feeling wary of the planet, she knew she could hold her own - and Ben was close behind if she needed backup. "I'm Chessua, by the way. And I have a sense about these things, it's helpful in my line of work. Oftentimes people are a bit nervous as you can imagine."

Rey just nodded, she absolutely could understand - this was not her world, but with Ben it still somehow felt right. She ached for him, even now.

Chessua brought out a box and handed it to Rey, "This is our most popular design, it has straps so there's no slippage, and the size seems to work for most humanoids - he is human, correct?"

Rey blushed a bright shade of red at the suggestion that Ben may have been non-humanoid, but nodded, "Yes, uh - thank you, he is."

She gently took the top off the box and swallowed hard at the straps of fabric and pieces of some plastic-like material. Her heartbeat accelerated as she thought about trying to use this with Kylo, head spinning a little. The woman was asking her something, but it was muted and she blushingly had to ask her to repeat herself.

"Do you want me to show you how to put it on?" The words were kind, as if she knew Rey may have been a bit overwhelmed, but the Jedi just shook her head.

"No thank you, this is great - I think I'd just like to pay for it. Is there anything else I need?"

"Maybe not need, but would you like to look around? We have one of the finest stores in this region and something might spark your interest?" Not really waiting for an answer, the woman guided Rey around the store, showing her odds and ends. It went on for over an hour before Rey finally ask to just get checked out, her heart sputtering and her thighs sore just thinking about some of these things.

 _You're so wet I can smell you from here, little padawan. What have you gotten us?_

At his voice, Rey's hands slammed down on to the table in surprise, making the woman jump a little. She smiled an apology and transferred the credits before thanking her profusely and dashing out of the shop. Looking over her shoulder as if someone was chasing her for daring to buy things like this, Rey raced back towards their ship.

Ben was there when she arrived, with more data disks and information and a fully fueled ship.

"Supplies came while you were…out," he smirked and his eyes fell on the package she was carrying. "Find everything you were looking for?"

Rey nodded nervously and tried to walk past him on the ramp without looking at him, but he stopped her with a hand on her stomach. "Rey, are you okay with this? You don't have to do anything to impress me. I already l-"

He shut his mouth quickly at that, and Rey frowned, wanting to ask him what he was going to say, "No it's fine, just an odd experience - I want this Ben."

She stood on her tip toes and pressed a kiss to his lips, for once almost the same height thanks to the ramp. Ben let a soft surprised sound out before pulling her close against him, the box clattering to the ground. Rey tugged on his lip until he opened his mouth for her, letting her explore, sucking her breath from her body and leaving her gasping. Two solid hands went around her waist and pulled her up with a grunt, legs circling around his body.

He pulled away briefly to look at her and the look in his eyes made her heart stop and then start pounding even heard against her chest. So loud that she was sure he could hear it.

"I missed you today," he said softly as they stood there.

Rey gave him a small smile, "I was only gone for a few hours, Ben."

"It felt like a lifetime. I don't know how I ever survived it on Coruscant," he ducked his head into her neck and let out a shuddering breathless sigh. Rey felt the mood turn from desperate to sweet and she pulled her hands from his back to run through his hair, murmuring soft words of affection.

His head moved slightly up, lips brushing her neck in light kisses, slowly moving across her chest to the other side, his hands pulling her even tighter. Ben shuddered at some sheltered thought and raised his head to look at her. They watched each other, moments of silence passing through them and their bond, before he made a decision and began walking into the ship towards their bed.

Their bed, Rey thought. Such a strange phrase, it was always his bed they were in - at the temple, or the grass in the gardens - they had never had a place their own. This ship was as good as any, though, and as he laid her onto the bed she sighed contentedly; feeling at peace as she smiled at him.

He unbuckled her belt and slid it off, focused on the task at hand as Rey just watched him, her chest rising and falling with anticipation. Ben knelt on the bed with one leg as he pulled her boots off, slipping his fingers under her pants and tugging them down slowly. Far too slowly, if she had any say - but Rey didn't want to shatter the silence and so let him pull them off, baring her lips to him.

A haggard breath escaped him, "Oh, sweetheart."

The softness in his voice made her legs go weak and as his warm fingers raised her shirt up and over her head, she was grateful her body was already somewhere solid - and that Ben didn't seem to need her to be any more active than she already was.

Large hands roamed up her body, barely pausing as they ran over her breasts and hardening nipples, until they framed her face and he made her look at him, "You are beautiful."

The intensity of the moment made her want to shy away, but he mercifully let her go as his mouth traveled between her breasts and down her stomach, leaving light kisses until he reached her nether lips. His hands pushed her thighs apart even further, one moving to pull her open, letting him run a long lick from her pussy directly to her clit, swirling it with the tip of his tongue.

"Oh stars," she huffed - Rey knew she should have expected it, but every time it makes her body quiver with surprise. He grazed it up and down, so gently that her mewls became groans as his hand squeezed her thigh. She desperately wished for more, and her stomach muscles rippled as she pushed herself up towards him, seeking the missing friction.

But Ben maintained focus only on her clit, circling the outside before running the flat of his tongue against it; no teeth, no fingers - it was enough to make Rey sob. Finally the hand that gripped her thigh moved up and inwards, leaving her panting and begging for more, a string of _please please please_ running through her mind.

He just hummed in response until he dipped his tongue finally, blissfully, into her pussy; he thrust it in as far as he could, fingertips pressing onto her clit. Her hands went to his hair and pulled hard as she sat up slightly just to watch him.

Pulling away slightly, Ben kissed her clit and moved to bite the skin of her hips, distracting her from the way his fingers danced around her lower lips. One finally slid inside, meeting no resistance, and her body fell back, "Thank you," was all she could say.

He added another one as his pace kept increasing, long fingers twisting inside of her, brushing against her inner walls. Ben latched on to her left breast at the same time his thumb started flicking her clit. Teeth grazed her erect nipples and her nails dug into his scalp, eliciting a hard moan from him.

"Let me make you feel good, please Rey, need to see you come for me," he whispered against her chest as his fingers picked up the pace, begging her in a string of near-unintelligible phrases that left Rey somehow even more breathless, begging for air.

His hand was thrusting harder now and with less finesse, each one causing a shudder as his thumb circled and pressed into her clit with just the right amount of pleasure. Rey knew he must have been reading her through the bond, it was the only way he could have known _just_ what to do to make her scream.

Her body bowed upwards and her legs spread even wider as she felt her hips start to shudder uncontrollably, nerves on a live wire from full body attention.

"Come for me, my little Jedi, just for me," Ben whispered possessively, feeling her orgasm build, and she pulled him up to kiss his lips that tasted of her. He seemed surprised, but lavished her with a deep kiss until she crested and wailed, eyes clenching shut as her hips thrust in time with his hand, riding out the wave as her insides gripped his fingers, unwilling to let them go until they had completed their job.

Ben watched her face the whole time, the myriad of expressions, with such intensity that had she not been in the aftershocks of orgasm, she might have been self-conscious. Instead, she smiled warmly at him, kissing the corners of his lips, thanking him breathlessly.

Once her body let them go, he pulled his fingers out, glistening with her cum, and licked them clean as she watched. Her fingers danced over his clothed chest as he knelt there next to her; it occurred to her that this was something she never thought in her wildest dreams she could have - someone who loved her, worshipped her.

As that word ripped through her mind, she blushed with embarrassment, hoping he hadn't heard; even now, she felt it was foolish to expect him to love someone like her - in their situation no less. But he was devoted to her, for now; and Rey felt that was enough.

Ben gave no inclination that he was privy to her inner monologue, just dipped back down to her pussy to lick her clean, the cum cooling and drying already. When he was done, he stepped off the bed and kissed her cheek as he pulled the blanket over her to keep her cool.

"I'll finish packing the ship, you rest until we can leave - alright?" Rey just nodded, somehow not expecting him to take such good care of her, but twisting to lay on her side as the blanket tucked around her. He smiled briefly and then left.

* * *

A few hours later, she was woken up by a hand brushing against her cheek, thumb grazing across her cheekbones. She wasn't sure how long he had been doing it, but Rey almost wished he would never stop.

"If you want to leave before sun down, it's time." His voice made it seem like he'd be okay with staying the night, despite his earlier protests, but she shook her head and sat up. Even she knew that they should get moving - their schedule hadn't accounted for unexpected post-coital naps.

She looked at her clothes and groaned, deciding she didn't want to bother, and instead covered herself in the blanket and moved to get up. But Ben noticed what she was doing and rolled his eyes before picking her up in his arms and walking out of the room.

"Mmm," she nuzzled into his chest, "I'm like a princess and you're my knight."

He laughed a little, and Rey felt that he had laughed a lot more with her the past few days and decided she liked it, "Yes, a princess that could easily kill anyone in her way including me."

"Even those kinds of princesses like to be carried by their knights," she said lightly as he set her in the pilot's chair and looked at her indulgently. He didn't respond, just sat next to her in the co-pilot's seat, readying the ship to leave atmo.

She comm'd the docking station and got the green light, and lifted them into the air smoothly, all while wrapped in a sheet, still wet from Ben's ministrations earlier.

"Are you tired?" She asked him innocently, and he just stared out of the viewport, refusing to meet her gaze as he simply replied with a no. Nodding to herself, she smiled mischievously, knowing just how to repay him for his thorough efforts earlier.

She entered in the next jump coordinates along with the thermal shields, and as the ship pushed into hyperspace she stood up and offered her hand to Ben. He looked nervous, but excited, and as he took her hand she pulled him towards her.

"I can't _wait_ to fuck you," she said low and fervently, watching his body ripple with anticipation as the words hit him, before moving to follow her to the bed she had just left.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Surprise! A nice little chapter for all you sweet reviewers and readers - thanks so much for being patient with me in my 15 month drought of this story. I hope you enjoyed this taste of sweetness. It was not how I intended for things to go this chapter, but when writers say the characters demand things - that's not just craziness talking. It's true. Ben and Rey needed this and so here it is.

Hope you liked it, let me know in a comment and come say hi on tumblr or twitter reylosource

Happy new year xoxo


	11. a heady feeling

" _ **There is no coming to consciousness without pain."  
-Carl Jung**_

Ben walked behind Rey as she led him to their claimed bedroom on the ship, idly wondering if anyone would question why the other had gone unused when they returned to Coruscant. But that thought was pushed away as she walked into the room ahead of him, letting her grip on the blanket that covered her go; he watched as it fell to the ground leaving a trail of cloth as she emerged naked once more, a goddess beckoning him to her.

She turned towards him as he stood behind her, hands tugging at the bottom of his shirt, and leaned down to kiss her, feeling her nails drive into his stomach at the contact. A rumble of pleasure came from his throat as her hands moved up his back, his own in her hair as he kissed her, teeth pulling at her lips until he reluctantly pulled away, allowing Rey to take his shirt off. He watched her face as fingertips glided across his chest, circling his nipples, making him pull in a shuddering breath.

Rey pulled down his pants and he stepped out of them silently, anticipation building in his chest and her hands wrapped around his growing cock, giving it a few pumps as they watched each other.

"Lay down," she said quietly, and the expectations Ben felt made his body jump a little as he did what she asked.

"Do you have a present for me, sweetheart?" His firm voice belied the thrill of leaning backwards onto the bed and watching her stand over him with desire; he could smell her arousal - or maybe it was only that he saw it smeared between her thighs and remembered earlier when his face had been buried between them. He licked his lips at the memory as Rey knelt on the bed, hands running up his legs.

"I do, are you excited?" She asked tentatively, and Ben could feel her hesitation; he took her hand off his thigh and guided it to his cock, reddened with desire.

"Rey, my little padawan, this is all for you. I spent years stroking my cock in frustration at not being able to touch you, and now you're hovering above me with your tits on display, ready to fulfill my every wish? I'm beyond excited." Her pupils were blown wide as he squeezed the hand that was wrapped around his dick, guiding it up and down slowly, watching as her breath came out in pants.

But it was _his_ breath that caught in his throat as she finally leaned down, wrapping her lips around the inflamed tip of his penis. It took everything he had not to buck into her, instead he kept his hips down and watched as her tongue traced the tip and then pushed her mouth on to it; her little hands gripping the base of his cock, clenching it in rhythm with her mouth.

Her lips slid down the side of his dick, tongue running over the veins and grooves before sucking it back into her mouth, taking in slightly more than she had before.

"That's so good, baby - take all of my dick. I know you can do it," she hummed in response and he saw her hips undulate, searching for something to soothe the friction. But she didn't find it, didn't bother, just kept hollowing her cheeks as she forced another inch down her throat. Rey opened her eyes finally, and he cursed as she met his, "You're so good to me, Rey, sucking me off, relax your throat some more - you can do it."

As he spoke, his hands brushed her head and ran his fingers through her hair, gently guiding her movements, pushing her down a little bit more each time. He felt the tip of his dick slide down her throat and groaned, but at the same time one of her hands slid below and between his legs, brushing along the skin that led to his ass.

Before he could react, she had pulled her mouth off of him to focus on his face as she watched his head roll back at the pressure; his breathing intensified as a finger slid down between his cheeks, circling his ass. Rey was satisfied by what she saw and dipped back down to slide her mouth over his cock again, but as she did it her finger slid inside of him.

He shouted, and the hands that had cooed and petted her now gripped the bedsheets in reaction. Rey was surprised, and slowly began to piston her finger to a steady rhythm, feeling how he gripped it and wondering if he would ever be ready for her gift.

Ben seemed to hear her thoughts, "Oh fuck, _yes_ I'll be ready, just don't stop. Add another, Rey - please."

Rey dutifully added another, her mouth pulling off of him and sucking the underside of his cock and teasing his balls with her tongue. As she push two fingers in, his legs pulled up, giving her more access, his feet planted on the bed; the tongue that laved at his tip faltered a little in surprise as he began moving down on her fingers.

She had had no idea he was this greedy for it, and spread her fingers, twisting them a little as she thrust into him - rewarded with another shout. After another minute, she pulled off of him completely and leaned down, grabbing something from the box he had brought in while she slept. A container of some sort of liquid, the woman had said it was necessary since they didn't produce natural lubricant - at least not for this kind of thing.

Ben watched, enraptured and panting, as she squirted a little of the silky liquid on her fingers, testing it as she twisted them around. He licked his lips as her hand went to his ass again, but this time she pushed three fingers inside and he made an inhuman noise.

Fingers sliding in, so tight she was glad she had listened to the woman, and began sucking his cock again - hard. He lifted his hips and thrust into her, hitting her throat and sliding down it a little more each time. On his way down, her fingers thrusted back into his ass, chanting her name over and over.

Rey could feel his balls tightening and sucked hard, grazing the underside of his cock with her teeth, with a loud cry he exploded in her mouth and she sucked and milked it dry as Ben watched her throat muscles swallowing. His cum dripped out the sides of her mouth there was so much, but she pulled off and smiled at him hazily.

He groaned, "You look properly fucked." And Ben couldn't stand how she looked at him, couldn't stand not touching her, and grabbed her, flipping her so she was laying on the bed as he hovered over her. He dove on to her mouth, licking the excess cum on her face before eagerly diving into a deep kiss.

His thigh went between her legs and he felt how aroused she was, "Did you like that, sweetheart?"

"Yes," she panted as she slid against his thigh, grateful for the friction - she needed to take the edge off a little. "Please Ben, let me fuck you."

His mouth ripped away from hers with a groan, his head resting on her neck as he panted, feeling his dick hardening again somehow. "Yes, Rey. My everything-"

He rolled off of her to let her step off the bed, not finishing that endearment; far too dangerous. He watched her open the box, and despite her bold words she looked unsure and uncomfortable. Ben smiled and grabbed it himself, gulping at the size of it.

"Is-is it okay?" Rey asked hesitantly. Ben knew, though, that her breathlessness was from arousal and smiled.

He gripped the size of the fake cock, somehow still dwarfed in his large hands, but it was long and of above average girth. Ben swallowed at the thought of her pushing this into him, but nodded.

"It's perfect," he replied as he kissed her briefly. "You did well. Now let's get this on you."

He motioned for her to step into a hole with each foot, as if putting on underwear, kissing her thighs and dragging his tongue across her pussy for one last taste before he pushed the cover over it, tightening the straps around her hips and legs.

She watched all of this in silence, before he gripped the fake cock and pulled on it a little and heard her gasp as it made contact with her clit and pussy.

"It needs to be tight, for the- the thrusting," Ben blushed a little, and Rey felt a bit more at ease that he was slightly nervous as well. "Does it feel secure?"

Rey gripped it and thrust a little in the air, watching his throat constrict in a gulp, and then twirled and giggled, "I think it's okay, yes."

Ben nodded and leaned back on the bed, watching her with heavy eyes and spread his legs a little, gripping his cock, "Then can you please fuck me in the ass, sweetheart?"

She gave him a cute grin before she leaned over him, crawling on to the bed as he shifted backwards in response. Grabbing the container of liquid, she squirted some directly on to the dildo before rubbing it up and down with one hand as she watched him, his stomach tightening, making his abs even more defined.

He didn't even give her a chance to order him around, eagerly bending his legs and spreading his thighs wide, letting her have full visibility and access. "So eager," she murmured as she got into position.

Taking hold of the fake cock, she pressed against his ass and pushed in gently, slowly. Even though she had prepared him with her fingers, the dildo was still bigger and Rey wanted him to enjoy this as much as possible.

As she pressed another inch into him, he let out a loud curse and she ran her hands over her chest to distract him, "Mmm Ben, I never in my wildest dreams thought about you like this."

She pulled out what was inside of him and thrust it back in, going even deeper, "I thought about you taking me, fucking me into the bed, fucking my ass, but _never_ me doing it to you."

Rey raked her nails down his chest before gripping his thighs on either side of her waist, pushing the rest of the cock into his ass. Ben mewled in between heavy breaths and she looked at him in awe, forgetting to move as she watched his face light up with the pleasure of it all.

When it seemed he had recovered from the initial seating, she pulled out slowly, then pushed back in; his eyes rolled back into his head as she began a slow rhythm.

"What would the council say, hmm? If they saw you like this, whining underneath me as you take my cock," she huffed with the effort of her thrusts, gaining confidence with each one as it became clear that he was enjoying it. "Think of the _scandal."_

"Fuck, Rey, _please_ -" was all he could say, which was just fine with Rey. She wanted to watch and listen to him come undone. It was a heady experience, listening to his mewls and watching his hips thrust up to meet hers almost uncontrollably.

She straightened and placed her hands on his knees before fucking him with short, quick thrusts, the harness rubbing against her clit, making her moan in response. The change of pace made him stop moving his hips, just accepting her cock. Rey made eye contact and cursed at his debauched state, his hair matted against his forehead, pupils wide.

Pressing, his knees further apart, she slid every last inch of herself into him, pulling a loud groan out of him before she leaned in, her small body dwarfed by his chest as she pressed against him and began to suck on his nipple. Rey was rewarded when his hands grabbed her ass, engulfing them in his large hands as she thrust into him with long hard strokes. Teeth dragged against his chest, before she latched on to his neck and sucked there in the same rhythm as her fucking.

At this point, he took over - hips and body moving down onto her cock beneath her, hands gripping her ass as he took his pleasure. Rey was just along for the ride as she balanced her small body on top of his, the harness cutting in to her thighs and rubbing her pussy, making her moan as he fucked himself against her.

She could feel his frustration building, needing it deeper, and Rey pushed against him and he let her go. "Turn around, on your knees, Ben."

He licked his lips at the reversal and did as he was told; she could feel him take a shuddering breath as he pressed into the bed, his knees pressing in and pulled in slightly towards his chest. He presented his ass to her greedily, and Rey gulped at the ravaged, almost gaping hole.

Her hands spread his cheeks as she positioned herself to slide in, and as she did so Ben shouted into the mattress his face was pressed against. Rey pushed every last inch of herself inside, could feel the moment she touched something deep because his body jolted.

She knew that was what he had been panting for, hoping for, and pulled out to thrust into him even harder. "Is this what you wanted? Me, inside you, making you squeal and moan for me?"

She watched his hands grip the bed sheets again, feeling deliriously high on emotions; if this was what Ben felt like when she was coming undone underneath him, no wonder he fucked her so much. Rey had never expected to have her teacher, her Jedi Master, writhing beneath her, begging for her to fuck him.

The sounds of slick fucking and Ben's moans created a heady atmosphere, and she moved one of her hands around his waist, gripping his rock-hard cock. He hissed at the contact and she cooed in response, pressing her chest against his back as she pressed into him over and over again.

"Come on, Ben, come for me." She begged, voice haggard as he writhed and mewled against and into her. Her clit and pussy were throbbing, desperate to feel his body constrict with orgasm. "Do it for your little padawan, I want to feel you come around me Ben."

She thrust one last time, pressing him even deeper into the bed and he howled, coming all over her hand and the bed, his ass and body tightening and shivering with the pleasure. She murmured praise as she pulled away from him, sliding the dildo slowly out of him, watching his hole contract and rubbing his cheeks in thanks.

His whole body fell to the side, stomach covered in his cum, and she let him catch his breath as she stood to strip out of the harness. Ben watched her silently, intently as he rolled onto his back and saw the red indentations on her thighs from the straps.

"You're too good for me, Rey," somehow all his reservations about their relationship had come thundering back as he realized how deep they were in.

She frowned at his tone and straddled his chest; he licked his lips as he felt her cum mix with his as she rubbed her pussy against his chest. They were both exhausted, sticky, and the bed needed changing, but he pulled her in for a kiss anyway.

"Thank you," he said fervently in between kisses. "I liked my present very much."

"Mm," she ran her hands and tucked hair behind his ears, watching him. "You're welcome, but maybe we should shower now?"

Ben reluctantly pushed her off of him and nodded, following her to the 'fresher - Rey tried not to giggle at the funny way he walked, knowing that feeling all too well.

"I always love it when you make me walk funny, for the record," she couldn't stop herself from saying as they stepped into the stall and she turned around as the water hit them.

He growled possessively and pulled her to him, "You fucked me so good, sweetheart, but make no mistake - I'll _always_ fuck you better."

Rey would never have argued that, purring as his hands foamed up her chest, soaping her down; she was far more content in his arms than she had ever dreamed.

* * *

The next day, Ben conducted a short transmission session with Leia to inform her of their progress - the meeting with her contact had went well, but they were still reviewing the information. The likelihood of it being some sort of military force was high, based on the reports of resources being drained on planets on the outskirts.

Rey sat quietly, watching his interactions with his mother, wondering if he would ever tell her about them. Probably not, especially given his grandparents' history. Ben looked at her and she knew he had felt her thoughts, and the look on his face didn't make her feel any better - didn't soothe her.

She broke off eye contact and went to check the pressure gauges in the cockpit; Ben continued his conversation, but wrapped it up quickly. His boots appeared in front of her and she refused to look up, lest he see the tears on her face.

"I don't have to see them, I feel them," he said quietly as he sat down across from her. "I thought we were doing okay? That we were just going to enjoy this time alone before-"

She sniffled and looked up at him, "I love you, Ben. I don't know how to go back to Coruscant after this, after knowing what it's like to be with you every day without hiding - without shame."

He sighed heavily at her confession, one that she had said before, but that he tried not to think about. About how the weight of it - the realization that they could never be - would press down on them the deeper they went.

"We've tried staying away - I told you, I don't know if I can do it," he spoke quietly, ashamed of his inability to give her what she needed. "You know the complications - you're a Jedi. What we're doing is wrong. I thought we had an understanding."

A tear escaped one of her eyes and ran down her face, but she nodded. She had known that, but hadn't cared - they hadn't cared.

"Maybe," he cleared his throat, steeling himself, "Maybe our mistake was bringing emotion into it. You're still young, maybe it's just that we let our hormones take over-"

"This is not just _biology_ , Ben," she was angry now, at his implication - she _knew_ they were more than that. And so did he.

He hung his head, "I know, I feel it too Rey. I just don't know how to fix it. You're not-"

Rey stood up, "You know, I'm a little tired of you telling me what I am and how to feel. I can make my own decisions, Ben."

She spat his name at him and he felt his anger spike in return, "And again I'm reminded of how young you are, we are all foolish when we're young - I should have known better than to give in to my desires with you. That you would hold on too tight and get clingy."

He felt the words hit her where he had intended, but the anguish inside of him at having to do it overpowered him. "Is that what you call this? You're saying that this is just one sided? That _I'm_ the one that's too clingy?"

Ben refused to look at her as she stood above him, ashamed and wrong, but unwilling to recant - this was for her own good. He knew it and she knew it, even if she wouldn't admit it. Rey screamed in frustration, tears of anger replacing those of heartache.

"Maybe you should start staying in the other room, I don't want you near me right now and we have a long ways to go until we're back in Coruscant."

He should have expected those words, but they hit him as hard as it did for her to say them. Ben looked up at her finally, at her confident gaze that hid the heartbreak he knew was still there, and was struck by how deeply he loved her. He would keep that to himself, of course, knowing she would never be happy having to keep such a secret; she would find belonging with the Jedi, with her friends that she always made so easily.

"Stop making decisions for me, Ben," she said quietly. He wasn't sure if she had read his thoughts, or was saying it for good measure, but he looked at her and nodded.

He stood up and painfully maneuvered himself so his body didn't touch hers as he went to their room - hers, now - to gather his things. He heard her deep breaths behind him as she struggled not to cry, with her need to be strong. Ben knew she would cry while he slept, and his heart tugged at the realization he wouldn't be allowed to hold her as she did.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** W H E W, nothing like a little bit of angst and pegging, eh? =)

This was the chapter I've wanted to write the whole time, so whew I'm glad it happened finally - you don't see 'soft' pegging very much, it's usually very femdom-y which is fine, but not quite what I like about pegging - though that has it's place ;D So hope it worked for yall!

Let me know what you think about it and the ending - see yall soon I hope. Find me on tumblr or twitter - reylosource.


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